So my whole life I’ve struggled with conversations, everyone else sounds so intelligent and articulated, even on the most basic of things and yet I feel like the complete opposite.
I feel like I speak like a teenager and I’m 22. If someone says to me ‘how are you’, I always say ‘I’m good’ and that’s it, often struggling to add more onto that or reply with anything different.
A family member even said that I’m no fun to talk to because it’s a battle to get anything out of me. I also struggle with my voice itself as its very monotone and I often sound flat or just pissed off when I’m not.
Emotion (except being pissed off or upset) doesn’t come easily out of me either, like I can’t express myself properly.
What also doesn’t help is my RBF, people have said that I have a ‘face like a slapped arse’ or that I just look like a bitch.
I don’t feel I act like everyone else and I hate it. I just want to be normal.
What is wrong with me and how do I fix it? Would therapy/speech therapy help?
EDIT: Please DON’T link autisim/aspergers tests as I really don’t want to think about that. I’d rather not be aware that there’s nothing I can do to fix this
4 comments
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/
What you’re describing is common for autistic people, so it might be worth looking into.
Why is there no way to fix this if you have Aspergers? I’m on the spectrum and was a very shy introverted teenager, turned out I was just surrounding myself with the wrong people. As I grew older I found my kind of people, those with similar interests and similar outlooks on life. Has helped my communication skills and confidence tremendously.
Something that helped me a bit was having a script for small talk. Take some time, think about what you want to say. Write it down if you want to.
Asking questions can help to expand conversations. If someone asks how you are, ask them how they are. If someone talks about their life, ask questions. You don’t actually need to be a great conversationalist if you become a good listener instead.
It can seem daunting, but it gets easier with practice. Small talk might feel fake and stupid for a while. It felt that way for me. It gets more natural with time.
You’re absolutely right that online autism tests are not the answer. You don’t need a diagnosis to start making progress on yourself. Therapy would be a good place to start. If you do not feel like you are connecting with your therapist, try a new one.
I’ve found books on how to make small talk helpful- I checked them out of the library. I also tried to pay attention to people with great social skills and emulate them.
ETA: And speech therapy can absolutely help. One of my kiddos struggled socially due to a learning difference and working on social pragmatics with a speech language pathologist was very helpful. They went from having no friends at school to having a best friend.