My GF and I have been dating for 3 month but have known each other ever since high school. Everything is great, we love each other, talk about marriage, kids and everything.
She has cancer and is in remission but is has been feeling symptoms from her post treatments and she’s scared of it coming back.
She almost broke up with me a few weeks back because she we scared due to getting really sick and I was with her trying to be there and support her and she doesn’t want to put me through any of her health issues.
She is very independent and doesn’t want to “put her baggage on me” and have me impacted by her health issues. She’s so independent that her parents doesn’t even know she has it because she doesn’t want to put them through pain and worries.
It came up today and she again told me if it does comeback, we will be done because I’m young, and she doesn’t want me to go through pain if the worst case scenario happens, and in her words “find someone else that is great” when I want to be with her. Keep in mind this is all worst case.
I told her that I knew the possibilities before we became official and if it was too much I would/would’ve walked away, but I want to be there for her no matter what, she still insists I don’t know what I want and can handle relating to this and she doesn’t wanna put me through her health issues.
I just hate that our relationship ending comes down to something out of our control and it’s something neither of of truly want with our feelings but she wants to protect me. I’m not sure if I’m being selfish or what but I just want to be there no matter what WITH her.
TL;DR GF says we will breakup if her cancer comes back in order to protect me even though I know we don’t want to breakup.
5 comments
Listen to her. Accept her decision. If you want to be with her now, don’t make her fight for her autonomy – she won’t waste her limited energy and short life on a guy who thinks what he wants matters more.
Is there a support group or community that you can talk to who knows more about cancer, and specifically her types of cancer, symptoms, and prognosis?
I feel very unqualified to speak here because I don’t know what she has or what she is physically going through or what her chances are of coming out of it
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You can’t do much about her choices, and you certainly can’t control cancer. But I’m just going to point out, she wants a low intimacy relationship. She cuts people out of her life rather than letting them share her life with them. That looks like it might be an ongoing problem even if she is fully in remission.
Eh. Sounds a little dramatic to me. If she’ll dump you for something outside of your control you might just want to look at it and leave for that simple fact alone.