I am absolutely livid and now I have to find a way to tell my boyfriend we need to get tested for chlamydia without his first thought being that I cheated (I absolutely did not).
A little over a year ago I was with my ex boyfriend who I also lost my virginity to, and we slept together pretty much every time we saw each other. We used a condom every time, but obviously it’s not 100% foolproof. Anyway he ended up dumping me out of the blue and we never really spoke after that.
A month later I met my current boyfriend and since about the one year mark i’ve gotten on birth control and we have been having unprotected sex.
Well don’t I get a call from my ex today. “Hey, I know you’re probably wondering why I called but I fucked up and now I have to come clean about it.” oook? “Back when we were together I cheated on you with a girl from work and she just told me she has chlamydia and doesn’t know how long she’s had it for.”
Alright, awesome. Ffs.
So I obviously reamed him out for being that selfish and inconsiderate of my health and the health of others, but now I’m just at a loss.
I did get tested shortly after our relationship ended just to be safe and I did test negative, I’ve also not had any symptoms arise.
However I was tested within three months of having sex with him which I’ve heard can result in a false negative, and I also read that it can lay dormant in your system for quite some time before symptoms show so I wanna get tested again to be sure.
I don’t know if I’m just overthinking telling my boyfriend, I’m sure he’ll understand once I explain but this is just something I REALLY wish I didn’t have to deal with. Especially since it’s someone else just completely screwing me over.
44 comments
I would explain it to your boyfriend just like you did here and go get tested together. You could also go get tested again by yourself, and if you’re negative, you don’t have to worry about telling your boyfriend. I know you can be asymptomatic but a year plus without either of you seeing anything seems like a long time.
You could get the test done and if it’s nothing then you don’t have to tell him 🤔 but it’s up to you
You can always show the call log that your ex called. It’ll be a short call so it shouldn’t look like you were getting together.
Chlamydia is not the end of the world. It is an inconvenience, but caught early you are probably going to be okay.
A quick zpac and you’ll probably be completely cleared up. At least it wasn’t something that requires a lifetime of work and antiviral medication, could be a lot worse!
Just be honest with your current boyfriend about what happened, and get a couple of tests done for each of you.
Something does come up, get some antibiotics from your doctor and your coochie with be Gucci. And his wood will be good.
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Get tested first. If you’re negative I would just keep that little story to yourself. If you’re positive just explain it like you did here.
I just don’t see the big deal
Something very similar happened with me and my wife(gf at the time), she had been raped before we met and was given chlamydia and she had no idea. It stayed dormant/ uti symptoms so she never thought anything of it. She ultimately gave it to me and it flared up real bad on my end. She told me what must have happened as I was only the second person she ever slept with, really the first cuz fuck that douche. I told her no worries, I understand, nothing that you could have known about and let’s just get it treated and move on. She was super terrified about me breaking up with her but it wasn’t her fault. If he has a bad reaction then he’s not worth it. You did nothing wrong, no reason for him to be mad at you, just mad at the douche who gave it to you. Just wanted to give you some hope and shed some light as this personally happened to me and we have been together for 6 years now, married, and have our first child on the way in April 😁😁😁
You got tested and were negative. You used condoms with your ex. You don’t have chlamydia and ever had it and you didn’t give it to your current BF. There’s no need to tell him anything.
Chlamydia would show up on a test within 2 weeks and while symptoms may be dormant the bacteria is there if you have it and would show up on a test within 2 weeks. False negatives are rare and would be from testing too soon. 3 months is adequate time to test for a positive result.
But doesn’t hurt to get fully tested for both your sake. Sounds like you two started having unprotected sex before getting tested or you’d have already known you didn’t have chlamydia.
You know how upset and anxious you are right now?
I don’t see a reason to make your partner feel the same way when you most likely don’t even have chlamydia. The “what ifs” can be avoided if you get tested.
Get tested asap. Let your partner know if you are positive. I don’t see a reason to make your partner upset with all this information if you are negative
I’d tell him, it sucks to have to say but something like this should work:
“Hey, so my ex called me yesterday and let me know he was cheating on me while we were together and he may have contracted chlamydia during that time. While I had a test shortly after we broke up, out of an abundance of caution I’m gonna get retested to make sure I don’t have anything, just wanted to let you know.”
Easy enough and to the point. Also as someone mentioned if the last test didn’t include a throat swab make sure this one does, assuming you engage in oral sex.
I know some people are recommending not telling him and just getting tested, but if you do that and it comes out later that you went and got tested but didn’t say anything it will look much more suspicious than if you were up front about it to begin with.
This is not as big of a deal as you are making it, don’t worry, just be honest!
Totally treatable and no real danger.
How long ago did you have sex with your ex ? And if you do happen to have chlamydia, then you should say to him that he needs to be checked and treated. And if assumes you did cheat after you explained and gave him timelines…. Then part ways, wish him the best. Get yourself treated, then retested. Then move on & forward with your life.
You used condoms and tested negative.
To be sure I’d test again, then you only need to tell your boyfriend if you are positive
You could always just show him the texts….
I would hope “I just found out I got cheated on back before we met” is something that won’t cause any issues with your bf. You can show him the call log that your ex called you with the news.
You have to be honest with him. There is nothing wrong with laying it out like you did right here if this is the whole truth. It shows that you have nothing to hide. If you BF loves you for who you are now and not for what you did in the past then you chose a good BF. As you said you did not cheat. You have nothing to hide. This builds a good trusting relationship.
I had a friend once who dated a girl named Clymidea. Sadly things did not go well for him because their whole relationship was based on lies and false Instagram posts
So you always wore a condom
Was tested after breaking up
Have no current symptoms
Your bf has no current symptoms
Id bet $50 that you dont have chlamydia. Go get tested. Dont tell your bf unless you have it.
It can fester in a man or woman’s body for up to 10 yrs…it’s no big deal…antibiotics for 10 days for you and you current significant other..and all I’d fine..so chill…hope this helps
You can go to planned parenthood and get treated for free, this happened to my wife and I (then my girlfriend) and it was quick and painless.
If I were you I wouldn’t worry about it too much beyond going and getting a thorough CT/NG test. Sounds like you’ll probably be negative but you should get fully tested to be sure. If you do end up being positive this one is easy to treat with some antibiotics.
Since you have a possible (but improbable) positive you should get all four sites tested. In my lab we use [Cepheid Xpert® CT/NG] (https://www.cepheid.com/en_US/tests/Sexual-Health/Xpert-CT-NG) cartridges to test for Chlamydia and Gonorrhea at the same time.
Patients who are considered at risk usually get several locations tested at the same time.
Urine
Vaginal Swab
Rectal Swab
Throat Swab
I’m not a medical doctor, but without my testing doctors are just guessing so take my advice however you like. Also, please for the love of scientists everywhere, clean your ass properly before getting this test. It’s really gross when samples come in and the patient is obviously unclean.
I can’t find the exact quote but as a laboratory scientist that literally tests thousands of STD’s a month I think about this a lot:
> STD’s are kind of like hangovers; if you’ve never had either one, then you probably haven’t had a lot of fun in your life either.
At least you ex called you. Seems considerate
Get tested before you tell him.
Test again before you say a word.
Woooah the concisely exact thing happened to me. I just let my girlfriend read this and it’s uncanny how much it seems like what we went through a year ago. She told me and cried a lot and apologized a million times but I didn’t really care- I was honestly relieved to find out that her chronic UTIs were curable. Only she had to go to the doctor because you can (I think in all states in the US) get antibiotics for your partner under the circumstances. We joke about it now and it’s pretty funny for us.
At this point, I would just get tested first. I don’t see the point in rattling him and have to apologize for your AH exs mistakes if not necessary.
If it’s negative, that’s up to you if that’s the sort of thing you would disclose to him.
If it’s positive, be honest, you haven’t done anything wrong: hey, my ex boyfriend got in touch with me to let me know about an std he contracted when he cheated on me. Unfortunately he did pass it on to me and I have confirmed I’m positive.
Don’t completely rule out your ex doing this just for attention / spite. I’ve had it done to me before.
Hiding this information will make you appear guilty. It is much better to tell him what happened just like you did here, and then go get tested again. Keeping secrets is not how you build a healthy relationship.
I dont think you have chlamydia. If you got tested after your relationship, you should be negative. Tell your current bf that your ex just called and said that you could potentially have chlamydia, but you tested negative but are going to test again just to be sure. I think youre fine though.
I mean hey, atleast your ex told you… its good of him to actually warn you and look out for your health.
I dont see why your partner would suspect you have been cheating if you love and trust eachother and if you just straight up tell him about what your ex told you then you are not at fault. I would also strongly advise to hold off from sex until you get a clear result. However, by the sounds of it, if you’ve been using condoms with your ex, you should be fine.
You could literally just show him this post to support yourself. But if if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about. If he still chooses not to trust you, then thats his problem
Tell your boyfriend. He’ll understand!
Fuck your Ex, what a piece of shit he is.
“Hey, remember my shit human of an ex? Well he called the other day and-…(insert story here)….- so we should probably get tested. Wanna get ice cream or something while we’re out?”
Pretty common
Don’t worry about this too much. It sounds like you were pretty careful. It’s 100% possible for him to not know he had it, so you should cut your EC a little slack on that. (I had it with no symptoms years ago.) It’s unlikely that either you or your boyfriend currently have chlamydia, but get tested anyway just to be sure.
Having sex with multiple people over time has risks. Chlamydia is extremely common and rarely serious. Don’t stress about this too much.
At least the ex called to tell you.
You and bf need to just go get tested, it’s just that simple.
Tell him what you told us about how you found out. Be as transparent as possible. It sucks but it is something you two can face as a couple.
“Hey, so… You know that goddamn piece of shit I was with before you? He called me yesterday to tell me that the (insert desired expletive) who he cheated on me with has chlamydia, and apparently had it for quite a while, so I’m going to go get tested just in case, and you might want to too. “
Is it me or is 3/4 of the posts created on this subreddit mainly asking how to communicate effectively?
I’d just upfrontly tell him as you explained to us on here. Why do you make things more complicated than they are? If he thought you cheated on him, I’d be like, “If I did cheat on you, why would I tell you? I’d go get tested behind your back. You can ask my ex-boyfriend for the truth.” If he still doesn’t believe you, reconsider the relationship. Trust is important for a relationship.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. Your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend told him that she cheated on him and she contracted chlamydia. He got worried that you’d think he cheated on you, so he got retested behind your back, and he was tested negative. You said chlamydia can lay dormant for years, and then you later found out that you got long-term health complications from chlamydia because you never got tested. You found out that your boyfriend kept a secret from you, and he apologized that he did retest negative and assume that you got nothing. How would you feel? Angry? It’s better to tell him now.
You’re probably ok if yall had protected sex every time. Tell him. Yall get tested together and live happily ever after..
Not to undermine it, you’ll be ok. Hooray for modern medicine, you’ll be alright!
Tell your boyfriend just that you wrote here. He will understand. And it’s always better to tell the truth that hide things in relationship.
And yes you should take a new test. Just to be sure. It might be that you are lucky and don’t have anything.
Communication- tell your BF about the call. Tell him you are really upset as well and you should both go get tested together.
If he is even remotely a good dude he will be understanding and not freak out.
Best of luck to you
Explain to him like you did in our post (maybe even show him if your having a hard time explaining), and you two could make a date out of it! Just quickly get tested, maybe get some coffee or greasy fast food after, and make it a memory you can both laugh at later. Unfortunately STD’s are really common, you can do everything right and still get one. Just take a deep breath, if it’s been a year with no symptoms and having used condoms with ex, there’s (probably), nothing to worry about.
Well he could have just not told you. You’re angry but he did the right thing. Next time get tested more often.