Title says it all. I’ve (m20) been single for 2 years now (excluding a couple first dates) and I want to get myself back out there. There’s a few problems with that though:
1. I am almost completely incapable of flirting. It either comes across that I am just being polite, or being a complete horn-dog. Not really the images I want if I’m trying to start something with someone.
2. I can’t tell when a woman is flirting with me, at least in the moment. I had a bad experience with this a few months ago when I was drunk where I thought a woman (also 20) was flirting with me, I tried to flirt back (cue horn-dog flirting) and that pretty much ended that night. Ever since I’ve been avoiding flirting like the plague because I’m scared that its gonna creep people out. There have been other women who I thought were flirting with me but after giving it a day to try and gauge the situation, I get the side-eye from them now at the gym.
Any advice on this that could help is greatly appreciated. I don’t enjoy bottling up my emotions and attractions to someone because I can’t get the slightest read on them. I know flirting is about taking chances but I don’t want to be the guy that’s hitting on every woman he sees because that’s just sleazy. Thanks in advance, even if you call me a dunce or something
28 comments
Man I need info on this asap no rocky. Going on 4 years single for me (23 m). With the exact same issues. I literally will avoid flirting to the farthest degree because it has never worked for me and always ends up with me losing that person as a friend/ or whatever. I understand every girl is different but it’s literally popular opposites. I always just get taken as the nice guy that everyone views as like the “brother/dad of the group”.
HOT APE by Jean smith
Flirting is just expressing what is on your mind. If her tits are hot in a shirt. .”Love that shirt on you.” Her smile is gorgeous just say so. If there something more you want to see from her because your interest and attraction is raising just say “I think you are a hottie and Ill love to see more of you.” And if she says “How so..” then you say “Well up and close in my arms is the goal, but until then Ill love to grab a drink together.”
Really depends on her sense of humor. If you can tell she can take a joke a bit of light teasing helps.
It is definitely an art, and one that can be learned lol. Just based off how you describe it you may just be coming on too strong. Try easing into a bit, “I’d love to get to know you more but I’m sure someone as pretty as you has a BF” shows your interest but not too horndogish. But flirting is trying to show interest but also showing off some of your personality so use statements like that and turn them into your own! And whatever you do don’t stop trying, the more you take your lumps now youll be better off in the long term, youre only 20!
My tips on flirting.
* Talk to them as they are a human being.
* Ask questions.
* Appear interested, as a human being in another human being.
* Read them. If they are terse or draw away then stop.
* Be cool, don’t appear too hungry.
That’s it. You are welcome.
Hey you 🙂
Flirting and seducing includes couple powerful things you clearly don’t have any experience doing.
1. Most important things are **eye contact & you body language.**
1.
Look in to her eyes while you are talking and keep your body language calm but certain
2. Sexualizing topics
1. You can make anything sexual just don’t over do it or as you would call it “horn-dog”. Most classical lines to sexualize are – “I bet you would like that” or “That what she said”. -but pick your spots to use those.
3. Touching
1. When you are sitting next to each other try move closer to her so your legs touch each other. If she doesn’t back off it is a good sign for you that she is comfortable around you. You can also touch her hand briefly – just hold her hand or hand for couple of seconds – ” Let me see your hands,- wow, they are almost as smooth as mine, -smirk” -for examples. Later on you can put your hand behind her and start touching her hair lightly and then even go for the kiss.
These things combined makes very strong sexual tension. Unfortunately no one can handle these conversation on your behalf so you need to go out there and fail many many times until you get hang of it.
Hope this helped to clear at least some things 🙂
To be frank, I think a lot of flirting is just “playful banter.”
It doesn’t have to be compliments (“You’re so beautiful”) as that can be a massive hit or miss. But its the subtle aspects. Like you and a girl are physically close to each other, smiling, laughing, dropping witty responses, etc.
It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature nor does it have to include touch. But a little touching can be the next step in flirting.
I’m not a champ but basics are:
– Actually get a conversation past small talk and learn about them. People hate small talk, they’ll remember having a good conversation.
– Don’t talk about yourself too much, don’t always immediately turn a conversation back to them if they ask about you but try to keep it mostly on them. You want to learn about them, girls love talking and I’ve found you can often keep a convo going much longer if you get them to do most of the talking. You’ll also unearth more details that you can relate to/talk about.
– Playfully tease, this is just a creative thing honestly but look for opportunities, don’t be rude, either be obviously teasing or “include” yourself in the joke you’re making.
– Build them up in a chill way if they put themselves down, e.g. they say they’re not very good at something/lightheartedly say they’re too dumb/lazy to do/achieve something. You’re not trying to say “No you’re amazing at this.” Just be politely dismissive of reasons they give to make themselves not seem so great/good at something.
– Above all be sincere, if you’re being fake/aren’t really that into them they’ll probably pick up on it anyway.
Take opportunities to do some light flirting with older/taken women. They usually love it, you’ll also have fun and get some practice. If they react badly just say “Sorry I’m a terrible flirt.” With a smile, don’t take it seriously, if they do that’s their problem. Again though keep it light, if you know they’re taken and come on too strong you could weird them out a bit or piss off their partner if he’s around.
Be cocky. Say something a little risky. Tease them. It’s a give and take.
I’ve never really thought of it as flirting, but when I verbally (and something physically) sort of “play fight” — like harmless teasing — my wife says that’s flirting.
Repeat after me, “How you doinnn…?”
Flirting is very situational first of all. As a girl, I don’t know how guys flirt and get girls. However this advice may help, tell ugly/average girls that she’s beautiful and tell pretty/hot girls that she’s smart. Lastly, watch/listen in on how other guys flirt (typically it’s the guy that is very average looking with a dad bod that flirts the best).
the best type of flirting in my opinion is the push pull method. Compliment her, and then follow it up with some teasing. Everyone loves compliments, but they can sometimes feel tense/under the spotlight when receiving them. So when you follow up with some friendly teasing after it makes the moment less serious.
For example: I went out with a girl the other day who was wearing a Yankee hat. I thought she looked adorable. So I said “I really like your hat BTW, it totally makes up for the fact that you’re a Yankees fan” So instead of her having to be like “aww thanks” and awkwardly accept the compliment, it turned into her playfully slapping my arm.
Based on how they respond, you can gauge their interest. If they tease you back or give a good laugh/smile, it’s a good sign. Always read their body language
Honestly people make this topic so complicated. Flirting is essentially trying to get someone to notice and like you. How would you do this with anyone else? Laugh at their jokes, make jokes and playful comments yourself, be genuinely interested in what they are saying (ask questions, relate what they are talking about to something in your life), smile, keep the mood light, give a genuine compliment (emphasis on genuine), make eye contact. Being confident is great, but being arrogant is very bad.
IF s/he seems receptive, then maybe briefly touch his/her arm.
I’d be very careful with the whole teasing thing. That could go very wrong and make you look arrogant or like you are trying to neg. I met tons of guys who acted really cocky and full of themselves like they were hot stuff. Please don’t do this–it is very transparent and is such a turn off. I’ve seen plenty of women act distant and like they are so above it all–they didn’t have much success.
Move past small talk and start asking questions about them. Nothing ultra personal, just about interests, dreams, and fun things. Be engaged with what they say and smile/laugh along with them when they show enthusiasm or excitement about something. Add in some non-sexual compliments with a smile or a wink about their interests (“I love how passionate you are about that” or “Enthusiasm is such a great quality”).
Don’t be a jokester or make it seem like you’re incapable of taking things seriously, but make dumb little jokes here and there. Keep the conversation fun. And if they seem like they’re engaging, go ahead and tease them *very* gently. (Like if they are showing great enthusiasm about something, you can say “I didn’t realize you were such a nerd like me!” and throw in a wink). If they respond or throw it back at you, laugh and roll with it.
Flirting shouldn’t always be sexual! If she’s giving you those vibes *very* clearly, yes go ahead and start with some like innuendo. But up until that point, the point is to make her laugh, to make the *interaction* between you two fun.
Just try to have as much fun as possible.
You know, flirting has to do with being in the moment and using what you know to your advantage. Not maliciously but more in a “hey I’m friendly and I see shit, wanna vibe together?” At Lear that’s a my take. Chillness and funny banter is always gonna work. Don’t take it serious.
I wonder how you see woman when you think they are flirting.
Check out the [SIRC guide to flirting](http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html).
Well we all suck at it at the beginning. Just find your own style and it will have success with a percentage of women.
My style is acting like I just am. I know I have a good heart and I’m easy going, but I am also awkward and not good at talking. I made both part of my charm and it has success from time to time. Often been hit with a “You have no idea how to talk to girls, do you?” and instead of retorting I usually try to catch them off guard by saying something like “Well sometimes a really lovely girl comes around and I just know that if I let my fears get the best of me now, I’ll regret it for weeks.”). More genuine and not keeping up appearances. Making your intentions clear If she declines, just politely accept the answer and end with friendly parting words.
You talk. That’s about it. You gotta do 2 things, make them feel good for me that looks like a laugh and you gotta connect being real to a shallow degree and positive. After that minor things like good body language help and they tend to move.
You got this sunshine. That’s what I choose because that’s the energy and positivity you need, people are drawn to that like bees to honey.
A friend of mine once told me the way he thinks of flirting is kind of like playing chicken, or a social version of that somewhat awkward moment before a first kiss where you kind of lean in while checking to make sure they’re leaning in too before you lean in a little more. It’s not the specific thing you (or they) do that’s important, it’s that you’re step by step escalating of how familiar and intimate you are with them and watching for them to meet you on that level before continuing.
If they ever don’t match you, they’re probably just being friendly and they hit their limit, or you went too fast and jumped to horn-dog level too early. Either way, you know to back away. Most folks aren’t gonna be mad if you accidentally overshoot the mark a little, as long as you’re good about walking it back once you realize. “Sorry, I think I got the wrong idea,” is one way to word it.
This is my only (and best) piece of advice for anybody but men especially…
BE CONFIDENT. If you aren’t confident, FAKE IT.
There is NOTHING sexier than a confident man, or even one who seems confident. Of course, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance but that might be a risk willing to take and experiment with.
It is a person-by-person basis, but if we have a good conversation and you make me laugh, plus seem confident with good body language, you will leave me thinking about you for a long time. 🙂
Being nice; it’s so good to see you!
Flirting; I knew you wanted to see me
Flirting elevates the message, it frames the words such that they know your into them
u gotta be sexy
I would give a nice uniqe honest respectfull compliment and i will avoid fllirting completly untill i know the other is intrested in me in that way the other would accepet it and doesnt make me sound creep
Talk normal conversation than make personal questions. React to answers with jokes and after a while slowly transit from jokes to flirt.