TLDR; mutually agreed to take a 3 week break remaining exclusive with no contact but weekly FaceTime to check in. Has taking a break worked for you?
My boyfriend and I have mutually decided to take a break. He needs to address some mental health stuff that is affecting our relationship to the extent that it will destroy us if he doesn’t put in some work. He is aware of his shortcomings, loves me hard and wants to do what it takes to move past the issue. He is in therapy already but will shift gears to focus on this.
We have agreed the terms of the break:
1) it will be for 3 weeks;
2) weekly check-in on FaceTime, nothing in between. No texting etc.;
3) we remain exclusive. No Ross and Rachel funny business;
4) the goal of the break is to save our relationship with him taking stock of this one specific issue and really proving that he is prepared to work through it;
5) the break is not considered a segue to a breakup by either of us.
I say we mutually agreed. It was more me, but I approached it in a calm and respectful way. We slept on it and came back together to discuss and mutually agreed it was a good idea.
I’m looking for anecdotal advice on when taking a break has worked and why. Perhaps also when a break has been called and not worked and why.
Over to y’all. Thanks in advance.
If it matters: we have been together since the beginning of last summer, we both have kids and they have become friends, we are both 40 and have solid careers. We are very much in love and have discussed marriage.
4 comments
I’ve never seen it work, but who knows? Maybe it’ll work for you.
What’s his mental health issue, roughly?
Worked for us. We were on a 3 month break to focus on our careers and checked in over texts in the evening for 2 hrs a day. If you both of you want it to work, it’ll work. Beware of mentioning other single people in your life during the break, that tends to bring up unwarranted jealousy.
Breaks are usually just trial breakups. I haven’t heard of them working great
Rule #1: either party can decide to do whatever they want with their life & body at any time during the 3 weeks. For example, “I’ve decided it’s over.” Always have Rule #1. Your body, your life.