[31F] [36M], I flirted with someone else and my boyfriend yelled at me. Is this a dealbreaker?
TL;DR My boyfriend yelled at me after I flirted with a woman, thinking we were all on board for a threesome. He accused me of trying to kiss her which i did not do. When I denied it he got angry and screamed at me. Later he accused me of hitting him (I didn’t) but says he still wants to be with me. Is his reaction a dealbreaker?
So on New Years Eve, my boyfriend (36M) and I (31F) got into an argument when we were intoxicated. I was flirting with a woman I had just met. I was pretty much hoping the 3 of us would hit it off and have a threesome in the future but not that night, but I misread the room. Apart from being touchy, and giving her more attention than him, I didn’t attempt to kiss her or anything.
Anyway, we get to my place. And he brings it up and tells me I tried to kiss her, saying that she kept rejecting my attempts, calling her a b****. I obviously denied it because trying to kiss her didn’t happen and he got so angry and started screaming at me. He said some mean stuff and I couldn’t get a word in so eventually I told him to shut up which made it worse.
We had discussed having a threesome before and when I flirted with someone in a very similar way, he was into it and wanted to go home with her but it didn’t end up happening.
The next day he denied screaming at me and said I was screaming at him. He also said I hit him but I didn’t. He still maintained that I tried to kiss her and says I pushed him to that point by not wanting to take accountability. But in the end he said he still wants to be with me.
Otherwise we have had a very pleasant relationship so this is a big shock to me. We have had conflicts before. Most have been peacefully sorted out, but him yelling at me has happened once before over something else, not related to me flirting. I definitely felt scared of him and powerless in the moment but I also feel so guilty for hurting his feelings and making him feel hurt by my actions.
But we have only been together 9 months and he has reacted this way twice.
I know I was in the wrong too, and this all happened because of me but is his reaction a red flag? I know I was wrong to flirt, but he has done this before and I am scared it is going to escalate. Were his actions a dealbreaker?
9 comments
It’s concerning to me that you had to come all the way to here to ask if these clearly fucked up actions of him are dealbreakers. 🙁
You both sound toxic as hell.
Huge red flag. The man has serious anger management issues. I’d drop him like a hot rock. You never know when he will explode.
Were you not getting the answers you wanted on your other thread?
His isn’t a deal breaker but yours sure is hitting on another woman that’s not good when you put effort into someone other than your partner it’s pretty much cheating no wonder why he yelled at you really I don’t believe a word you said you probably did try to kiss this woman and it wasn’t for a threesome if it was you would have had a conversation with your bf about having a three some so why are you saying what he did a deal breaker
Lol so you want us to agree with you for flirting with someone other than your partner? Yea you should break up with him so he can go find a loyal women who understands man or women cheating is cheating. Well if that’s the type of relationship you want were you can flirt with anyone being single is perfect guess what you don’t ever have to worry about breaking someone emotionally because they decide to give their trust to somone who has no regard for reality.. Their plenty of shitty men who would love to date you so they can just go and flirt with anyone they want.
You basically cheated in front of him and the both of you were drunk. Not ideal, but the context of why he yelled matters a lot.
Screaming at you, gaslighting you and calling you mean names. Is that what you expect from a partner? Girl, have some self respect and dump him.
Hard pass. Thank you very much for your time, have a nice life Mr 36. 🚩🚩🚩
IPV survivor here 👋 this is a deal breaker FOR SURE. If everything you say is legit, bearing in mind you were also intoxicated: he displayed 1. Agression 2. Verbal abuse 3. Gaslighting 4. Victim Blaming
You felt scared of him! Is there ever a good reason to fesl scared of your significant other?
Narcissistic Rage. I’d put my money on it. He’s usually charming and lovely, early days in the relationship and he needs to get you hooked. But even at only 9 months he wasn’t able to stop that mask slipping 2 times already! No hun, big fat no. Walk away and remember this as a grenade, not just a bullet, dodged.