I (25F) had just started talking to someone off of hinge and I usually check their profile for that sort of thing but didn’t see it. Our conversation was going good and then I asked him and he told me that he does. I generally don’t go for men that have children(because I don’t have any children myself), and when I told him that I don’t, he tried to tell me that I should relax and have an open mind.. 🤨🤨 those that do or don’t, why or why not?
38 comments
The issue that arises is that that child is going to get in the way. Like people might say they love kids -yeah, sure. You love YOUR child and that one is not yours.
I wouldn’t want to because the child often gets in the way of the time that I’d like to spend with that person. And if we become serious, I don’t want to end up raising another man’s child.
Nah, no kids for me. I gave it a shot and it immediately interfered with dates. Not for me.
No.
I don’t want to date or have a partner with any descendants. Nor parental responsibility for someone else’s child.
I have a kid, and am dating someone.
My kid has a mom. And a dad. Bonus parents are awesome!
Yes, he’s my 100% priority. Even when I’m not with him.
It absolutely takes away from the regular dating honeymoon time, because it’s usually all about the couple.
If you’re not ready for it, and fully into it? Don’t. We’re already dealing with things. We don’t need another person vying for 100% of our attention and needs.
I have a daughter so I had dated a man with 2 kids for 8 years .. his kids are good kids and I was close to them in the beginning of the relationship,but their mother is a very different story ! 8 years of her trying to drive a wedge in our relationship if he didn’t so what she wants she would withheld the kids from him ! 8 painful years full of dramas.
Na I don’t date man with kids just not for me. I don’t have the time to be listening to him going on and on about his baby mother Situationship cuz I tried it ones and never again.
Nope
I got a match on a dating app that was absolutely gorgeous, and seemed interested. She didn’t drop the kid bomb on me until our first date. She had a 9 month-old daughter that she has shared custody with. Prior to this date, I automatically swiped left on anyone that had kids. Honestly, if she would have had this information in her profile, I probably would have swiped left on her.
We’ve gone on two dates, and we’re probably going to go on a third. I am still interested, because she’s very sweet (did I mention she’s gorgeous?) and I’m willing to talk through some of the potential logistics and practical realities of having an infant child. I don’t know where it’s going to end up. We may decide it’s not a good fit and go our own ways.
Someone with kids probably isn’t my first choice, but after this experience, it’s no longer the hard pass it once was.
instant dealbreaker. I have no time to hear about the drama situation with the mother, school, anything. I also don’t want any myself so I go for people who also don’t have or want kids
His response was obnoxious and a turnoff. Otherwise, do what you want.
I have a kid and am a man.
Just remember, you’ll always be second place while making him first place. Also, the every other weekend thing, always having to plan around him and his kids schedules and events they’ve got going on…then the baby mama drama. Juice is not worth the squeeze. Imo, single parents should only date other single parents.
Nope. I’ve had that line of thought before and then it didn’t work out and realized I was fooling myself because it felt good in the moment (there’s a reason they call it the honeymoon phase).
He also omitted extremely important info from his profile AND is *already* dismissing you. I’d RUN
I don’t prefer it because I’ll overthink if he spends too much time with his kids(which he should) he may not have time for me. If he doesn’t he may be a deadbeat. If the kids are young he may still want his family back, but if their older they may hate me because they want their parents together. I tend to stick to dating childless men.
If you aren’t 100% ok with it, don’t do it. You do have to realize that kids will be a parents priority (and if their kid isn’t a priority, they’re probably not a great person).
Some people are ok with other peoples kids, some aren’t. (luckily my husband is. We met on bumble, he’s great with my kids, and now we’re expecting one together).
It is pretty crappy he didn’t have that on his profile though
To everyone saying they don’t want parental responsibility of a child that isn’t theirs. Trust me, you are not a parent because you date someone with a child. If I decide to date again, I most likely wouldn’t even introduce my child to a new partner for quite some time. If I did introduce them at all, it would be as a friend. My son comes first. Any single parent worth a shit will tell you their kid comes first. I don’t need someone to be a parent to my son if I’m dating, in fact quite the opposite. All of that said if someone having a child is a deal breaker, then move on the end. No real other discussion to be had. You are either okay with it, or you aren’t.
I [27F] haven’t dated anyone with kids and would prefer not to. I don’t want children, so it’s not the lifestyle I want. Assuming I don’t meet my match in the next few years, I know it’ll be harder to find someone without kids so maybe I’ll reevaluate then whether I would date a man with kids. I don’t think it’s a problem of not being open-minded, but moreso having a lifestyle or goals you have/want and his doesn’t fit that. I know many women who want kids, but won’t date someone who already has them. He’s in a tough spot, but don’t feel pressured by him.
No, not a good fit for where my life is right now.
I hate when women on the apps, especially ones like Hinge where you can put that on your profile, leave it blank. I presume it’s because they don’t want to be excluded from matches, but it sucks when you learn that after you’ve already matched.
It feels slimy and the conversation usually ends soon afterwards.
Depends if they want more kids and are genuinely interested in starting a relationship/family with me.
I always says ask for what you have. You have no kids so to want some one who doesn’t have kids your in you’re full right.
I can’t see any reason to date a single mother, especially at my age.
No
Never.
I don’t want to be some kid’s mom, didn’t sign up for it. The bond between them is blood, why on earth would I try to meddle in with my needs.
Fuck no. I don’t want to settle with a man who already has a kid or two. I lean towards not having children, but if I change my mind I’m only open to my own children with a man without kids.
Completely valid preference to not date a person with kids. They are hard work. I have kids, I share them with their dad. I don’t want a second dad for my kids so he has to be ok with the idea that half my week is compartmentalised for my children when I have them. Having said that, the way a guy describes the mother of his children is very telling. The ones who only speak respectfully of their ex’s even when things have gone wrong tend to be good eggs.
I did in the past. I would never do it again. I would never recommend it to anyone.
I wouldn’t have my kids on my profile to avoid weirdos but when I was talking to someone I would say. If they didn’t want to date someone with kids that’s fair enough. He shouldn’t be telling you to have an open mind. ♥️
If you date someone that has a child, you’re also courting that child’s parent. I don’t have children yet even though I LOVE kids and want some one day, as a new girlfriend I have no rights to that child, and I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to get intimately invested and then lose each other if the relationship doesn’t work out. Also, I’m a huge advocate for nuclear families. I always want kids in a household with both their biological parents if possible. I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of that. I can’t imagine ever not having feelings for a man who gave me a child… I know people say it’s possible, but my heart doesn’t work that way, so I’d always be suspicious of my partner’s interactions with their ex.
Personally I wouldn’t date anyone with kids.
1) Their kid will be their priority
2) why are they single with a kid in the first place? Are there some hidden red flags?
3) I’m looking for a partner, not a partner and their kid.
4) what if the kid doesn’t like?
5) the kids other parent will probably have some kind of problem with me.
It’s a dealbreaker for me. It’s just more to worry about. I don’t want to date someone and then have to think about being a step mom. What if the kids are not behaved well or there is baby mama drama? I’ll kindly pass.
No. Way too much important history for me to go through.
Never, reasons are manifold and already mentioned.
I don’t have children so I don’t see a reason to be with someone who does.
You shouldn’t change for someone else because you’ll harbor that bitterness and regret. I wouldn’t move any further and cut the loss while it’s early. You’re going to have to accept his children, ex who will always be in the picture, and all the other life dramas that go with these.
Absolutely no kids for me.
I’m actively avoiding children at this stage of my life, that means birth control and not dating someone with children.
One of the main reasons is, I want to travel and be spontaneous with my significant other and children will complicate things. Another thing is I’ve seen people getting attached to the children just to break up and be heartbroken over it.
No
Sooo I am a mom and don’t use dating apps…
Couple of things:
1) you’re perfectly entitled to that preference. If it’s a dealbreaker for you, that’s your prerogative.
2) as a mom, if I were going to use dating apps… I wouldn’t put the fact that I have kids on my profile. Too many times dudes reach out to me on Facebook for example, and they act super stoked I have kids and love it. I’ve been told for many reasons.. “moms are lower maintenance,” “moms know how to hold it down,” etc. the issues for me that come with having this on my profile are that I could attract the wrong kind of men. Pedos, men who want to date a mom because they want to be cooked for and cleaned up after, they want someone they “don’t have to give attention to.” Not putting my kids out there in dating is for their safety and for me to protect the integrity of any potential relationships I may have.
That said, it’s super important to make it known within the first date or two that you have kids.
It sounds like this guy didn’t tell you and instead you had to ask… I’d be a little bothered tbh.