For quick background i spent my entire life looking up to someone who i got a serious reality check on recently. He is a family friend that i grew up with and he has been like an older brother figure to me my entire life. But after the last time i saw him i realized that he is honestly just such a loser and is a very bitter and mean person.
It was an unsettling reality check when i saw him last spring and i sat through lunch with him for the first time in a long time and i just felt like everything i said- he took it as me trying to start a fight. He made me so anxious to the point that i didn’t even know what to say to him halfway through our meal simply because i was trying so hard to not say something that he twisted into an argument. But he texted me after telling me how much he enjoyed getting to see me and that we should hang out again soon??
Anyway that brings me to now, i couldn’t help myself and my need for his approval took over and i tried to reach out- but i was ignored. It feels like shit and i really don’t know what to do. It’s so weird because i really thought that i fully accepted and embraced the fact that i was done with this person, but it’s like i can’t help myself.
So i guess im asking- how do you unlearn the need for approval from someone you don’t want to ever be like?
Sorry if this is kind of choppy i think i might be in the midst of a mini-anxiety attack lol
2 comments
Do you have someone else that you want approval from? Maybe use that desire for approval to somehow get rid of the other one idk.
Ask yourself something honestly. Why do you need constant validation and approval from other people ? You are essentially the emperor without clothes. You expect people to respect you when there is actually nothing to respect about you. You don’t even respect yourself, as evidenced by your decisions and admission of low self esteem. You know this, and others know it as well. But All you do is worry about other people instead of worrying about important things in your life. You know what it takes to get better in your life and build up self esteem, but instead of putting in the time and effort to do so, you need other people to essentially lie to you telling you that you are great. You would rather have people tell you comforting lies about yourself rather than deal with the uncomfortable reality of improving yourself to be respectable. This is your mindset when you desperately seek validation and approval.
It’s time you start being respectable. Go talk to people in real life. Get comfortable socializing with them. Start doing and achieving things in life as it pertains to your goals and hobbies. Chase excellence, not people or validation.