My boyfriend and I are both planning on going to the same college and our relationship is very healthy. He brought up the possibility of breaking up before college so he could have a “fun college experience.” The catch is that he doesn’t want to lose me bc he knows I will never be able to forgive him. His reasoning for wanting such an
experience is because I was the only person he’s ever been or done anything with. And although he loves me very much he says that he wants more experience. He talked about wanting an open relationship and asked if i would be cool with him hooking up with another girl in which he said. would be completely meaningless. He says girls and guys see sex differently and uses that as an excuse to justify why it would be meaningless too him since to him sex means nothing apparently to guys while to girls it’s more than nothing. Obviously I was shocked that he would even ask that because he knows that I wouldn’t be comfortable with that and if anything he was eager to convince me. Anyways, I just want to know what I should do. I don’t want to waste my time giving my love to someone knowing my heart is going to get broken just because he wants more bodies. It’s concerning to me and I see where he’s coming from, but I just don’t want our relationship to go to a waste.
42 comments
End it.
No one who is serious about a relationship would even bring any of that up. It’s not even worth investing in it anymore. He’ll either say he won’t do anything (but will) or he’ll regret it and be bitter that he never got a chance to fuck around.
So in his dream college scenario you faithfully wait for him while he makes his rounds with other girls?
Because sex is meaningless to men but not to women.
So, the sex you two had means nothing?
let him have his college experience, but you do not have to stick around to get back together with him after
Your relationship is done. Walk away. Or run.
It is not a waste. You had 2 good years but people change. You BF is not committed to you so it is best for you to end it now.
Tell him he can have his college experience – meaningless hookups with whoever he wants, but you’re not waiting for him. And you’re certainly not going to be his girlfriend anymore. You can have your college experience too – away from this idiot, free to form a better relationship with someone who will appreciate you and respect your feelings.
Lmao yeah no, break up. Don’t waste you tijme. Your only 18 and I can promise hes probably not your forever if this is how hes thinking.
You’ll have so much on your own college experience without having the weight of him on your shoulders. Worry about yourself, make new friends, do well in school have fun and know that your person will come at the right time.
Let him go. If he’s talking about it, he’ll do it — whether or not you break up. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy — you’re only 18 and have your entire life ahead of you! There are plenty of other fish in the sea for you too, OP.
Open relationships take work and go both ways (how does he feel about YOU hooking up with other guys? Women often do better at finding partners)
Bet the result would be him being annoyed you didn’t sit at home faithful to him and wait out his ‘experience’ 🙄
It’s ok to want different things, especially as you are both at an age where it is all about figuring it out and forging your own path. Maybe it’s time for those paths to diverge.
Just leave him girl you don’t deserve this
You’re young. Time to walk away. This scenario is inherently setup to breed resentment. If he stays he may resent you for forcing him to “miss out”. If he stays, will you one day wonder if he only did because you “made him” choose?
If you’re meant to be, you’ll end up back together. But as much as you may not want to hear it, the saying is true. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
Your relationship ended when he asked that question. Now you are just waiting for it to be official.
Edit: yes he will do it behind your back
he is just bullsh*ting you. i had a partner who did the same and he was really just cheating on me and got with her 2 weeks later. no one who “doesn’t want to lose you” is going to break up with you for a “fun college experience”. my best advice is you leave him before he leaves you.
If he’s asking this he doesn’t respect you or your relationship. He wants to have you on the side whilst he goes off and fucks whatever moves.
Fuck his college experience and dump his stupid arse.
He is an idiot.
Yea he’s going to cheat on you in college. I would end it. You’re 18 and the odds are against you anyways
I’m going to be honest with you… if you stay “exclusive” with him, he’s going to cheat on him. And if you have an open relationship with him, you will be unhappy. It’s best to break up now.
Relationship is over he wants to explore other sexual options. Nothing wrong with that. He is 100% correct Men and Women think about sex completely different (example no man is ever going to seriously say sex is trading “spiritual energy” it’s literally just sex for men most of the time.
That being said no use in staying together, he’s likely going to just cheat and lie it’s college. Go your separate ways
He is trying to keep you on the line until he decides he’s seen what else it out there. Respect yourself and say, “No thank you.”
My freshman year of college I lived in a dorm wing where all the girls had boyfriends and we ALL were broken up by second semester. College is a blast and if he’s already thinking of wanting to be with other people you shouldn’t wait around to see what happens. Peace out now.
>I see where he’s coming from
My dear, from a woman in her 30s to a lovely and new young adult, your bf hasn’t made a single valid point for you to see where he’s coming from. His definition of a fun college experience is adding notches to a bed post and not being tied to a gf. He wants to put you on the back burner to dip his wick in whoever he wants and come back to you when he’s done. You don’t want your relationship to go to waste? Honey, he threw it in the trash with his ridiculous and childish request.
Don’t let him put you on pause because he doesn’t want to be loyal. End it and have a successful college career by doing well in school, making friends, and, if you so choose, finding a bf that actually cares about you and your relationship.
Leave him.
He’s an idiot, and deserves to find out the hard way. So dump him, find yourself someone special who will treat you with the kindness and respect that you deserve. If you happen (or not depending on what you want to do) to also have a ‘college’ experience while finding this person and be able to rub it in his face all the better.
You’re only 18. If you had fun in this relationship and learned about yourself and being in a romantic arrangement, it wasn’t a waste. That said, I would think about ending the relationship. Your BF is heading into college clearly wanting to sleep around and you just can’t put that genie in the bottle. I married my high school GF, we were each other’s first everything, and the idea of wanting to fuck around instead of keeping this amazing relationship has never crossed my mind.
Yeah this whole relationship sounds like a no-go. I’m sorry that he has just now started to show his true colors. You are being treated like a back up plan and no one deserves that. I promise you that there are men out there capable of being completely satisfied with you and only you, who would never dream of being with anyone else sexually or romantically.
Someone has been watching Andrew Taint.
It’s time to break up, you don’t want the same thing.
It’s gonna be hard knowing that while he chooses you and gets bitter as hell that he’s desiring other women, possibly going behind your back to achieve his dream college experience. I hope you get through this. You’re both extremely young and chances are his college dream experience won’t be anything close to reality if you two do break up.
“Enjoy your college experience to the fullest as a newly single dudebro” and then block him forever. The gall 🙄
There is nothing wrong with wanting the full college experience at your ages, but he doesn’t get to keep you on a string for when he’s ready to settle down. Both of you should have your freedom.
He will go for the college experience anyway. Let him go and move on.
You are planning on going to the same college.
Is this school the best fit for you? Have you turned down opportunities— such as getting to live in a different town/state, or scholarships— to help preserve this relationship?
I think it would be wise to consider not only break it off, but go to a different college, too. It sounds like you could benefit greatly from spreading *your* wings.
You might reconnect down the road. Or not. Regardless, he has a lot of growing up to do. You’re deserving of the “college experience” too.
He’s full of shit. If sex apparently meant nothing to him, he wouldn’t be asking permission to cheat on you under the guise of an open relationship (because it sounds like it would only go one way, his way). If he’s this upfront with you, I would say that he will (if he hasn’t already) cheat on you during college at some point, and that he’s laying the groundwork for his “argument” that you drove him to it.
Relationships are not a waste, they are a learning experience about what you want and need.
You need someone who isn’t sexually coercive and manipulative emotionally.
He wants to fk around and for you to wait around for him to “experience” that.
That isn’t love or respect.
Stop seeing him and find someone better. Next time he tries to contact you just brag how your new lover has bigger pee pee. 😂
If you don’t agree to this, he will cheat. Either way he’s not being a respectful and decent partner, this request would be a relationship ended for me.
The whole notion that guys see sex as meaningless and girls are more emotional is a misogynistic trope.
An example is how female sex workers have sex with people without emotionally bonding. And guys go to sex workers for emotional comfort all too often.
Men use this trope to justify cheating and burdening women with more guilt for the same.
Don’t fall for his nonsense. And someone please explain to him how ridiculous the notion is.
>The catch is that he doesn’t want to lose me bc he knows I will never be able to forgive him.
So, he knows what he wants and he knows what you think about it and he still asks?
>He says girls and guys see sex differently and uses that as an excuse to justify why it would be meaningless too him since to him sex means nothing apparently to guys while to girls it’s more than nothing.
So, when he has sex with you it means nothing? That’s a nice compliment from him. /s
Oh, and it is also bullshit. There are men and women for whom sex can mean nothing and there are men and women who need a connection for sex to happen.
>I just don’t want our relationship to go to a waste.
Find someone for whom you are enough. Your current boyfriend isn’t the one.
You are right to have your boundaries. He wants an open relationship which is open from only one end. To most people this sounds like absolutely lunacy. He essentially wants to eats his cake and have it too. It’s not realistic nor fair.
He has the right to want to experience more, you guys are so very young. But experiencing more things on your expense is not okay or the sign of a good caring partner. Open relationships need excited consent from both sides – he’s just trying to half-force your hand here and it’s not okay. Break up, OP! It’s for the better!
Dump his ass. He doesn’t care about you or you’re feelings. I absolutely implore you yourself to have a great “college experience” just use protection always and don’t accept drinks you didn’t pour.
What you should do is dump his ass for even trying to open up this ridiculous double standard and ridiculous idea in general in your relationship. He doesn’t want a relationship he wants to fuck around the campus while you wait for him like a good girl.
Go live your own life, dump his ass and make the best of it for yourself. Boys like this are nothing but trouble and are absolutely not worth your time
OP, do NOT fall for this absolute bullshit. Dump him. Enjoy your college times. You’ll meet someone better! He just wants to screw around but have someone to fall back on in case nobody else wants him.
This is a story old as college itself.
I’d let him know he can have one or the other. Monogamy or a fun college experience.
Something he should know is that while you won’t forgive him, maybe even for a good long while, it’s very likely you will forgive eventually.
College years are emotional pressure cookers and a lot of growing up is done in that time… and even more so after you graduate.
All the crying and punching walls I did in college is a vague memory now and I can truly say I harbor 0 ill will to anyone I’ve ever dated.
Is it possible you will get back together in your twenties? Yes. Is it just as possible you will grow apart? Yes. And from anecdotal evidence I’d say the chances are similar to what would happen if you stayed together… does that help at all?
So he admited that he wish to cheat on you? And then that all the sex he had with you meamt nothing? Stop dating someone that obviously dosent love you.