I 24F, was talking to a guy who reached out via social media. We talked for a little over 2 weeks. We had some deep conversations and have similar goals but something about his lifestyle doesn’t sit well with me. We wouldn’t be compatible in the long run so I’m going to end it.
The problem is that he’s been through a difficult relationship in the past (ex-gf cheated and ghosted) and hasn’t dated at all since then. So I’m trying to make this as easy for him as possible.
I’m thinking of sending an honest text, since we’ve not really spoken over the phone or been on dates (we met once in 2019 through a mutual friend). Would that be okay or would you recommend a phone conversation?
TIA!
Update: Thanks everyone. I sent him an honest text explaining the reason why I don’t see us working out in the long run and he agreed. He took it really well.
37 comments
Just stop talking to him. Trust me, he’s used to it.
given the fact that you haven’t spoke over phone i think an honest text is sufficient
Are there indications that he’s not over it, or are you just assuming that he’s damaged goods?
You aren’t responsible for other people’s feelings.
That doesn’t mean be a jerk to people, but it does mean don’t inconvenience yourself severely to try and let someone down gently.
If you’re actually talking to him, as in not via text, then honesty hurts, but it’s appreciated. Tell him.
If it’s all text so far ,, then the same stands but a text is the way.
I think that’s a reasonable approach. You’re not this guy’s therapist, but I think it would be a good idea to be clear that things are ending because you’re not compatible before ending contact.
Why can’t you just be friends with this dude ?
Honesty, matter of fact, definitive conclusion but with tact.
Just break it off clean and quick, don’t drag it out.
rip off the band-aid. text is fine, you’ve known this guy for 2 like weeks and hardly met or interacted much in person.
don’t be blunt or an asshole, but be direct and unambiguous.
End it with a suplex. That will only hurt his body.
Yes, text is fine, be tactful but direct.
There is no way to be rejected that feels good, but we are all responsible for managing our own emotions.
I’d rather have honesty than cowardice.
Tell him in a respectful manner. Don’t dodge him or ghost him.
Listen, I’ve been hurt before in relationships and had a girl kinda did the same thing. No matter how you do this, it will hurt him. The thing is, he will get better. It just takes time, trust me.
We use emotions to make you stay with us. Just tell him I’m motivated interested in you romantically. And be honest. And communicate. The fuck. Feelings are always hurt and life isn’t easy.
You’re going to hurt his feelings to some extent no matter what. But the longer you wait, the worse the hurt will be. Just tell him that you enjoyed talking to him, but you think your lifestyles are incompatible, and wish him well. How he responds to it is his business, not yours.
you’re 24 years old, why waste your god damn time worrying about hurting someone’s feelings?
It sounds like you are on the right track. A honest text or two seems to make sense to me. You are being honest and you are not ghosting him. I don’t think a phone call is in order because if you two have been comfortable testing then a text would be more comfortable to him now. Good luck to you and Thanks for being honest with him.
You haven’t dated, just be honest and tell him. Don’t say you can still be friends eaither be clear and thorough. It will suck for him at first, but he wont waste anymore time and can move on.
He probably will ask to stay in touch or be friends to jeep his foot in the door. No.
Fact is no matter how you do it, it will hurt him, but telling him up front and with an honest non insulting text is the best way to do it. It’s only been two weeks, so he hasn’t had that long to get really attached. He’ll be angry, but that’s just how breakups go
Being honest and clear without being cruel. All you have to say is, “this isn’t working for me. I no longer wish to pursue a relationship with you.” If he tries to change your mind, just say, “this is not up for debate.” You are being clear and not leading him on, ghosting him, or confusing him, but you aren’t being needlessly cruel insulting him or laying all of his flaws out.
If you don’t hang out normally don’t text him to hangout just to tell him you don’t want to hangout 😂
Text and that’s it
Just fuckin do it.
Tell him you are not interested. Simply as that.
If you know that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with the person, it’s best to be honest and tell them directly. Thank them for their time and let them know that you don’t think it’s going to work out. It’s better to be upfront than to lead someone on.
people may hate being ghost or ditched, but likewise nobody likes hearing “your not the problem, its me”
There is no easy way to drop people. just do what feels natural to you and move on.
No body likes to be told no, not children, not adults, so just anticipate a negative reaction and don’t get triggered or surprised by it whether he makes a parting swipe or plays the victim, etc. It would just be a human reaction.
You don’t need to justify or convince him of your decision, that isn’t your responsibility. I’d just tell him you’ve been busy and no longer have time to keep catching up. I don’t think you need to critique him or tell him why you don’t see the value of investing time.
Just ghost him like every other girl lol.
Just do it soon doesnt matter how
Honesty is the best policy. And it seems like you’re a nice gal, so its on him to just accept that this is what you want and he has to respect that. Don’t worry about his feelings, OP. I’m a guy too. If he’s a decent person, he’ll understand.
You don’t owe him but it would be polite to give a reason
what about his lifestyle doesnt sit well with you?
Just be honest and let him know you don’t think the two of you are compatible, but you wish him well.
Given you guys haven’t actually met or even talked on the phone I don’t think you need to do much of anything here. No more flirting if you have been, and the next time he says something non-platonic let him know “hey actually, I’ve decided I just want to be friends. I hope that’s cool with you because I think you’re a good person and interesting to talk to. If not, I understand.” As a guy, it sucks to get this message from a girl you’re interested in, and he may not take it well, but that’s on him and not your fault at all. It’s also a lot better than ghosting. You don’t owe him any explanation and if he gets weird in any way you should cease all contact and move on. No false hope or anything like that.
I’ve taken it the wrong way, the worst way, all the ways,
Took me too long to realize, an honest text is the best way, 2 weeks might kinda sting, but, a month would or more would hurt even worse…
If he starts cussing you out, ghost him, if he takes it right, he takes it right and moves on.
Text or phone call, either or, its better then ghosting and you help him figure out stuff.
Tell it like it is. If he’s a slob etc and thats the lifestyle reason, tell him that too. Give him a chance to reflect and possibly improve himself if its within his power.
Imagine caring about internet people.