I might be broken
Quick background, I (33F) spent the last decade in a string of shitty relationships with the most recent one being abusive. Got out, was single for a couple years, worked on myself, feel like I’m in a better place mentally and emotionally but… I think I might be broken.
Started seeing this guy (34M) a few months ago and honestly so far no real red flags, he’s kind to me and others, thoughtful, communicates, we have the same career, similar interests and goals, and so far he pretty much checks every box, even the sex is really good. So what’s my problem? I can’t tell if I really like him that much.
I do like him and enjoy his company, but like I just feel like something is off. We are getting more serious and I just don’t know if that’s what I want, but I can’t put my finger on it.
Im very open to the idea that it is just me. I’ve been so used to accepting shitty behavior from partners and maybe that’s why something healthy feels off? Am I too old to get butterflies? Is there still something inside me that tells me I should be treated like crap? Am I on the path to self-sabotage because I don’t want to get hurt so I have this impossible ideal in my head? I’d love to hear from anyone who has gone through something similar. I really don’t want to screw up something that on paper should be near perfect.
1 comment
Being in an abusive relationship puts one on high alert all the time, which means cortisol levels are always high. They increase glucose in your system. You may be addicted to that “high” and don’t believe you are experiencing “real feelings” because those hormones are not there. You are right in that you may not know a good relationship when you see one. Sit back and enjoy the ride for a while. Stop worrying about it. Let your brain get used to this for a while and make no judgements or major decisions about it.