Even though I know myself deeply, I don’t purport to know what the whole meaning of this is.
I guess I’m gay. Or to be more specific, I guess I am bisexual. Therefore, I’m also gay. Does that make sense?
As a little boy, I was attracted to girls but I was also extremely attracted to boys. As a matter of fact, when I was about 10 I had a friend same age, who I would always wander off with and smooch for hours. In my adolescence, same thing. I dated some girls, but I was also secretly hooking up with boys. A lot of them. My first true sexual experience was with a boy.
As a young adult, I was even in a brief relationship with another man, but it didn’t work out. I guess I repressed it. I thought it was simply a deviation that I took, and that I was heterosexual, period.
Probably a mistake to do so….but I just didn’t wanna face it. So I shut it out.
Today I’m in my late 30s and I am married with a woman and I have kids.
Today i consider it to be something that I truly never fully embraced. But it is part of who I am, and an integral part at that.
Never really came clean about it to everybody. Not out of shame, it was mostly the feeling that I didn’t need to disclose anything to anyone….I don’t owe society anything when it comes to who I fuck or who I settle down with..
A few friends and confidants know, and I might feel up to talking to my kids about it when they’re a little older, if the chance pops up. But other than that, it remains something that I consider very beautiful, that I’m not ashamed of, and that is just a part of me.
I just wanted to know if anyone out there has had the same experience in life.
Ciao