Why do people like clubs and bars?

I’ve been seeing social media pushing clubbing content lately. I think I have a pretty unique outlook on bars and clubs based off of experience.

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**Background**

I’m 24M. Virgin, never held hands before. Typical short (comically short), awkward, smoke weed, investing nerd, undesirable male existence. Typically I hate society because in order to function society, you have to play silly games (buying silly clothes that society deems fashionable, make a silly pose for a silly dating app in order to artificially deceive people into thinking you are a certain person you are not, attending silly gatherings, to shuffle back and forth, pretend to have fun, etc.)

This is my story describing my life experiences that made me not understand the fun in clubs and bars. **I seek to understand**, and I want to know, what am I missing out on exactly? **This is every single club experience of mine. Each one gets worse and worse:**

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I knew I was never a club bar guy ever since high school.

**(1)** I remember asking a girl to homecoming when I was a freshman in HS. Of course I did this because the surrounding environment peer pressured me to conform to everyone else’s norm. The experience as a whole was fun because it was new. The music and dancing weren’t even the highlight. It was my great friends, the dinner and pictures before, the after-party after, etc.

**(2)** Later in freshman year, we had a dance that the girls had to ask the guy. I got asked, went, had a great time like last time. The dance was fun, I had a great group of friends, but at this point I was catching on that “jumping and dancing with strobe lights flashing everywhere” wasn’t really that fun. If anything it was kind of weird.

Sophomore year, I didn’t ask anyone to homecoming because I knew I didn’t want to go. At this point, I knew that I was just “pretending to have fun” on the dancefloor.

**(3)** Later that sophomore year, I was asked to the dance even though I thought I made it clear to many people that I did not want to be asked, because I didn’t want to attend the dance and be forced to pretend to have fun.

**(Quick side-story. SKIP if you want)** Overall, that experience was pretty fun. If I could go back in time, I would’ve treated my date with much more respect. I was already a respectful man, but at the time, I feel like my mindset is what made me perceive this dance as “not as fun”, and I think I may have unintentionally, indirectly showed that on the dancefloor when I felt like I was dragging my feet the whole time, pretending to have fun. It gets tiring to force a smile for so long, perhaps my smile was deteriorating slowly. I was pretending to have fun, but I wish I pretended HARDER. I wish I showed this girl more gratitude as a “thank you” for asking me to the dance. I already treated her kindly and with respect, but I wish I went BEYOND that. Not because I thought she was attractive, but because I thought it was super sweet of her to ask me, and I wish I let her know that more.

**Anyway, back to the main story:**

That was my last high school dance, I skipped prom because again, I didn’t want to go on the dancefloor, and I also didn’t think anyone would say yes to me. I only asked 1 girl to a dance and that was the freshman year one. I didn’t think she really liked me because she started dating someone soon after homecoming. Looking back at it, this might have been one experience that shaped my idea that: girls automatically don’t like me, so I won’t try. Perhaps that’s another reason why I didn’t ask anyone to hoco/prom.

Anyway,

Boom, I go to college and made an amazing group of friends, all girls. I only stayed for freshman year, but we would go to house parties, and went to one club that year.

**(4)** The house parties were what I expected. It was fun because I like drinking and I used to think the energy of everyone singing and dancing were pretty cool the first couple times. The last house party I ever went to, a big drunk guy with a henny bottle in his hand randomly tried to pick a fight with me in front of everyone because he was so blackout drunk he thought I was laughing at him when I was just minding my own business.

Remember, I am comically short and skinny, and this guy was a big man. Looking back at it, I think the feeling of helplessness in that moment shaped my perception of large gatherings and people in general. Made me feel like I did nothing to deserve this and yet I am subjected to deal with this degeneracy.

He didn’t fight me, but at that point I knew that there was nothing I could really do besides de-escalate with words. Physical confrontation was no option for me.

**(5)** The one club we went to that year, I had no idea we were going to a club. I feel like I was tricked into thinking we were going somewhere else. I remember my friends (who were all girls, which is probably why they wanted to go) wanted to go on the dancefloor so I was dragged into once again: pretending to have fun. But this particular time, was sooo mentally exhausting, I was dragging my feet and my smile slowly deteriorated to a simple frown while still trying my best to keep up the facade. Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours. One of my friends knew I wasn’t having fun because she later suggested we leave which I was happy about.

After freshman year of college, I leave and go back to my hometown. I did nothing but deliver food for two years straight after that, which was fine with me. I enjoyed driving and making money doing an easy job. Saved all my money.

**(6)** Two years later, one of my hometown friends turned 21 and he really wanted to go to bars. I remember when he was 20 he would say “I cant wait till we’re 21 so we can go to bars”. At this point in my life, I already knew with 100% certainty I will not like the bar. But, on his 21st, we go bar-hopping with one other friend. This was my very first time going to a bar, and what do I know? I get a drink, and the whole time, in every bar, I don’t say a single word.

**(7)** 1 year later, I go to visit some childhood friends that moved to arizona. Of course, what do I know, these guys want to go to clubs and bars now that they are 21. Nowadays everyone my age seems to just want to go to the club, and I’m trying to understand why.

At this club, I pull my famous move: pretend to have fun. By bouncing up and down in the same place. I did a good job too, because my friend tried to claim later “I KNEW you had fun, I could see it in your eyes”. But in reality, I faked him out so hard. I was blackout drunk, so it was easy to act silly, but at the same time, no matter how drunk I am, I’m still able to recognize “Damn, this activity is stupid, and if I wasn’t drunk, I would’ve walked out of here a long time ago. But I can’t leave because I can either leave and upset people, or be on my best behavior to make my friends happy and just try to enjoy the alcohol to balance out the misery of being present. This was a miserable club experience, but I figured I had to be on my best behavior.

Couple more stories, this gets good.

**(8)** A couple months later, I visit my old college friends because I missed them. I would spend most of my time with one friend. She wanted to go to a club/bar and meet up with two of our other friends from college. During this time, my self confidence diminished. I kind of knew “girls don’t like me” and as I get older I see that a lot of it is because of details I cannot control, or if I were to “control” them, I would no longer be myself and instead simply conform to society’s pre-determined standards. (example: height, race, interests, phone brand, clothes).

Anyway, back to the story. We get to the club/bar, typical loud music, flashing lights. We get to a table and I don’t know man. I knew the music was too loud to have a convo because I can’t hear a damn thing anyone is saying. I knew I was not going to be able to have a catch-up conversation with anyone, so I stopped trying and for two hours I was staring at a damn wall 🙁 and these people were such good friends just a couple years ago. And now here we were, not saying anything, blank staring at the table / wall because my seat was facing the wall. I couldn’t even go on my phone during this time, because I have an android and every single time I’ve taken my phone out of my pocket, the environment around me always turns into 30 minute roast session about how android sucks. So I don’t take me phone out ANYWHERE. All I wanted was to go home and I had to wait.

**(9)** 2nd to last story: (**THE BEST ONE**)

This 2nd to last story happened a couple months after the last story, and I think this is the best one. The friend that I was with took us to a “gay club”. I am not even 0.1% gay, I might even be homophobic. But the friend I went with, when we were in college, I had a tiny crush on her and when I visited her later on, I found out she was gay, which, looking back at it, was probably a heart break moment that affected me way more than I would ever like to admit.

Anyway, we go to this gay club with her girlfriend and this is the worst one yet. I am legitimately sad, dragging my feet, not even dancing. I was not fake dancing tonight. Everyone else was, I sat, facing the wall again. Miserable. Dreading the fact that I live in a world where society is slowly forcing this level of degeneracy to be required to ever meet anyone. I felt bad that I was acting this way, but I had no energy to fake. Again, no phone use because I knew people would make fun of my android like they always do. I’ve had friends, complete strangers, coworkers, roast me for my phone, so in public, it’s better to stare at the wall or floor.

My favorite part of this whole entire autobiography:

They wanted to hop from club to club. They went to two more clubs, but in between the first and second club, we stopped at the car to get something. This is where I BEGGED them to let me stay in the car because I did NOT want to go anywhere anymore. For a couple minutes, they were really trying to convince me to stay, which I thought was crazy. I thought they would actually LIKE it if I waited in the car so I wouldn’t weigh them down. But for whatever reason, they wanted me to keep going. At this point: I’m begging. Hands and knees, eyebrows slanted up, quivering lip, whining tone. They finally let me stay in the car.

I stay in the car for I don’t know how long, maybe an hour or two, and I FELT GREAT. I FELT RELIEVED. I was sitting in the back seat of the car, watching youtube videos and scrolling reddit and discord. My happy spot. I felt so much happier, I was relaxed, I was smiling.

The friend that took me, I’m close with her family. When I got back, I cried on her mom and her brother. Crying on their shoulders, face wet and everything. Crying about how I was dragging her down and not matching her vibe and how I was being a bad friend.

I swore to myself that THIS was going to be the last time I step into a bar or club. It was until July.

**(10) LAST STORY**

This one is quick because the last story was supposed to be the climax. I just remembered that I did go one last time. I went back to my hometown because my childhood friends were turning 21, so they had like 30 friends and family hop on a party-trolley and go bar hopping in the city. It was actually so much fun. The 30 people I was with I knew, I was having a good time, I let loose. The reason I am sharing this story though, is because of course, I knew this energy wouldn’t last long. When we got to the third bar, I was the lone wolf once again. I look around, I see all of my friends doing different activities, and there I was, standing alone. At this point, I’ve been in this situation many times. I knew what to do. I approached the corner, and stood. Waiting for it to be over again.

That last experience, was probably the very best experience. But even then, it was because of the first half of the night. The second half of the night, my energy died.

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**FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS:**

Why do you like bars and clubs?

Do you think bars and clubs are only suitable for physically attractive people?

Do you think superficiality is a necessity in bars and clubs? (Pretending to be someone you are not) (Buying things you don’t want with money you don’t have to impress people you don’t like)

Do you think dating apps and bars/clubs are a necessity in modern day society in terms of searching for a mate? If not, where do people go for mates if not dating apps, bars, or clubs? Serious.

Do you think it is HARDER in the modern day to find a mate IF you are an “ugly” man by societies standards? (short, undesirable race, low income, android, nerdy interests, etc?)

Do you think undesirable men are inevitably subject to NATURAL SELECTION? (Unfavorable traits die off in species over time due to: favorable traits frequently pass down genes, while unfavorable traits are unable to pass down genes) (ex. in a red forest, the frogs with red camo, over generations, will pass down their red camo genes and are MORE FIT to survive in the environment vs green camo frogs in a red forest. Green camo frogs are less fit to survive against predators in the environment in relation to red camo frogs, so the population of green frogs over generations depletes due to less and less green frogs being available for mating.)

Do you think guys and girls go to bars and clubs for different reasons?

What reasons to girls go to the club? What reasons do guys go to the club?

I think guys go to the club for the sole purpose of seeking out an attractive mate and engaging in sexual intercourse with her. Am I correct? And could this be why I don’t like bars or clubs? Because I know the whole purpose is to have sex, but I know I will be unable to attract a mate for sex due to unfavorable traits, so why bother trying?

I think girls go to the club because they purely seek attention but not sex. Am I correct? Do girls show up to the club because they know men will give them attention? And is this why girls play hard to get? Because they like the attention but they don’t really want to have sex? So they farm attention by teasing the possibility of sex?