Mostly just a rant/vent post. For context, I am probably autistic, and I started this job awhile ago. When I interviewed, I did my best to make a good first impression and try to socialize. I couldn’t keep it up for more than an hour, but I thought it would be okay since work is a lot different than my high school experience was.
Socially, it was not better. At least in high school, most people left me alone and I went most days wjthout so much as a conversation. I do not have that liberty at work, and it shows as my old habits are even more prominent now.
They didn’t seem to mind at first since I was new and it makes sense for someone to be a bit shy. But… I’m exactly the same after months of being there, it’s obvious to them now this is just how I am, and I get the sense they dislike me for it. I heard one of my co-workers the other day, he was just barely out of earshot so I couldn’t quite catch it all, but I’m pretty sure they were talking about me. And the way one of my co-workers speak to me- I’m really not sure if he’s teasing me or trying to be nice to me.
It’s fustrating and upsetting. This is the best I can do right now. I thought about quitting and starting over somewhere else, but there’s no point, I’d be just as bad anywhere else.
7 comments
I am struggling with this. It seems like if I deal with them for work it is decen, but it’s clear they don’t wanna hang out with me socially. I think either I have to improve myself drastically or just avoid going to social outings with them.
They are coworkers, not friends. You dont have to be chummy with each other. Go to work, give your best professional performance, concentrate on your work, keep communication professional, make money, go home. I honestly think you are overthinking it and are unnecessarily anxious. If you are ever unsure about what someone means why they say something, read their body language and facial expressions! And just ask. Asking is better than speculating.
Like you said, you seem to have problems properly gauging peoples reaction to you. Everything you described here is speculation. Unless somebody is actively hostile to you, or just straight up tells you they dont like you, you wouldnt know. Maybe they dont have an opinion on you, or realise that you arent one to overly socialise with.
I dont know if you have any friends that might be better with reading social cues, but describing your situations to somebody like that can help you get a better picture of your coworkers.
I wish the best of luck. And trust me, most people arent the assholes we think that they might are.
Literally same! For my first week I did my best to cosplay as a confident socially competent adult but that facade faded after one week. It’s so hard trying to be the societal acceptable version of myself 8 hours a day five days a week. I agree high school was much easier.
When I was applying for jobs I specially chose in office ones so that I could work on my social skills. Now I’m thinking I should’ve just tried for a remote job instead. And all my coworkers speak another as well as English so I always feel like they’re talking shit about me.(I can partially understand what they’re saying in the other language). I’m trying to stick out for a year but I just don’t know if I can do it.
People have a tendency to assume the moods of others during interactions reflect their feelings towards them, but this isn’t generally the case. Someone who is pissed off because they’re at work might come across as pissed off at whoever engages with them, and doesn’t like them. When in reality they feel completely indifferent to them, or even like them. It’s important not to assign ourselves blame as the source of someone else’s affect during interactions.
That said I’m also an introvert but I work with other introverts in my giant biochem lab so we don’t speak much, but we all get along and *mostly* like each other. When my coworkers are in a sour mood and my interaction with them stinks I just let it go and assume they’re feeling shitty about something else. If I’m doing something wrong they can tell me, and I’ve found ignoring passive aggressiveness and dealing with conflict transparently and directly (and with a flat, even, completely unreactive affect) creates the most productive relationships.
You don’t have to become an extrovert. In fact I’d recommend against trying to become something completely different to fit in more with others. It’s phony and people get weirded out, trust me I’ve tried. I now know to just stay silent in the elevator and if something comes to me it comes to me. Don’t force anything (besides practicing small talk sometimes). And if some genuinely don’t like you then fuck em. Taking away other people’s power to inluence your emotions is a very useful asset.
I’m in a similar situation. All my coworkers despise me and want me to die just because I’m quiet and awkward. I try really hard at my job and go out of my way not to bother anyone, but they still hate me. I’m trying to find a remote job that I can do from home, but no luck so far.
Can’t be weird anymore, gotta be “probably autistic”.