Hi
I feel really weird to talk about this, that is also why im using a new account^^. Im (29,m) pushing 30 this year, and I havent had any sexual interaction since I was 18 with my Ex-Girlfriend and Im going to be honest: im pretty frustrated at this point.
Im morbidly obese right now and do not have a lot of self esteem, especially with women.
I am on dating apps from time to time and I have women in my friend groups, but they’re all in serious relationships. I also have communities I hang out with (mostly related to tabletop rpgs and nerdy stuff, which is almost 50/50 in regards to gender.), but I honestly have kind of “given up” at this point, since I am not even sure if I would want a serious relationship right now (I do enjoy my freedom).
But I still feel bad to think about trying it out with someone I would pay for sex. You can never know if it really is consensual and I have the impression that it is morally questionable, even though it is legal in the country I live in. For me personally I also have the feeling that I have “given up” on finding a partner who is willing to have sex with me consenually without me having to pay them.
So do you guys think it is morally okay to do this? Not even relating to my current situation (even though I do not cheat on anyome, which may is a plus point). I do actually struggle pretty hard with this. I do currently go to the gym to lose weight, and i am also going to a doctor to help my with my eating disorder, but its more in relation of becoming healthier. I was in therapy, I am way more confident then I was about 5 years ago (but still not at a point where I could ever talk to a woman that I do not know, I also think it would be kind of “creepy” to do that with the intentions I am having…even though a lot of us probably think like this).
Thank you for your advice, I would appreciate it. And yes: I am serious with this^^.
Cheers
PS: My english’s not great, my apologies.
8 comments
I personally think sex work should be made safe and legal. Whatever you decide to do as long as you treat yourself and the woman with care and respect you shouldn’t feel shame. It’s definitely better than letting the frustration develop and fester
I think it depends how you find that person. Many sex workers are coerced. I don’t know the situation where you are, but making every effort to find a person working of their own free will is the most ethical choice.
Get healthy and you will feel better. Focus on you.
Go for it ! Sex work is like any other job and and there’s no shame in using their services especially if it’s legal just be polite and respectful to the person you reach out to
nothing morally wrong with it in and of itself but there is a lot of victimization that goes on because of the illegality of it. if you got the money and you arent doing it through a pimp, go for it.
It’s good that you are thinking about the ethics of it. That’s something most people here will discourage you from doing due diligence.
As you said, you can never know if it is really consensual. Even if you could somehow make sure a woman is doing it “freely,” the bottom line is this: she doesn’t want to have sex with you—she will endure sex with you to pay her bills.
How do you feel about that? Will it help with your self-esteem problems? Do you want a person who wants to have sex with you and enjoys the experience, or do you just want a vagina? Do you think there should be a class of financially desperate, sexually traumatised women for people like you to fall back on when they have failed to form sexual or romantic relationships?
I appreciate that it can be difficult to find someone who is into you at the best of times, but I don’t think it’s too late for you. Even if it was, I think you know what the right thing to do would be.
Based on your description of your situation and your motivations, it sounds like hiring a prostitute is going to make you feel even worse.
Hire a therapist instead and you will probably have better results.
I’m not one to shame people for anything regarding sex and neither is this sub, I’ll guess you’ll get majority “Go for it Sex work is work” type responses. Its nice you think about morals, it’s not something I see often.
You already hit the nail on the head. You *can’t* know whether the woman is trafficked, or maybe in trouble paying rent and therfore doesn’t have the opportunity to send a buyer away. There are certain thing you can do, like paying for a high class Escort, going to someone who speaks the language of the country… but you can never be sure. Trafficking and Coercing happens even in the “highest” levels of the sex trade.
I’m german (Good chance you’re too let’s be honest) it’s legal here. But the number of women being trafficked is absolutely insane. Loads of them are officially registered as sex workers. They are swept up in romania and the like with promises of working in cleaning or health care. Or they are german girls who fell victim too a “loverboy” or drug addiction.
I’m probably going to be downvoted because I’m not very positive about the sex trade. It’s just out of desperation wanting to go less women trough this.
Of course there are women who are in it out of their free will. Who could do a different job but choose not to. You can simply not know.
Whether you are willing to take these chances is a moral decision you will have to make for yourself.
Honestly you sound like a really nice person. You don’t give off incel vibes. And I 100% believe you will meet a someone.
All that Tabletop, rpg shit that’s amazing! And I wouldn’t feel to hesitant about talking to women. Your intentions don’t instantly make you creepy or bad if you don’t treat them differently.
I’ll be honest I’m a women, I was late with all the first kiss/dating stuff and back in the days I used to check out *every single guy* I met for the possibly that he might want to date me, I was super desperate. I don’t think it made me a bad person (or creepy) because these were intrusive thoughts and I didn’t act on them. If I met two guys, one in a relationship, one single, I didn’t treat them differently eventhough my intrusive thoughts went off like crazy.
Important is how you act. And it’s totally okay to be shy. I used to be so shy when a guy asked me a question I just stared at him like a fucking deer in a headlight.
I’d just work on that. And as another person here pointed out: Do you think it’s going to help your confidence if you have sex with a women who you know for sure doesn’t want to have sex with you. Even if she is in the sex trade 100% out of her free will, she is not instrested in you, just performing and acting like it, because you paid.
I used to think as soon as I got that stupid V card out the way my confidence would SPIKE. But nah it didn’t. What helped was the feeling a cute guy was in love with me tho.
All the best to you! I hope you’ll get what you are hoping for.