What are your thoughts about the concept of virginity, purity, the sacredness/specialness of sex, and saving yourself for marriage?

46 comments

  3. I think it’s one of the biggest obstacles in the way of really improving sex education and health, cutting down on unwanted pregnancies (and abortions, funnily enough), and fighting against sexual abuse.

  4. Waiting for marriage to have sex is an awful idea. Too many people get married far too young and to the wrong person because they “waited”. Getting married ONLY to have sex does not make for a lot of lasting/happy relationships.

    Also, sexual chemistry is a real thing and if you don’t have it, y’all are just friends

  5. Currently a virgin. Sex doesn’t seem dirty to me but it does seem scary and dangerous. I thought it should be sacred until I discovered masturbation and found out that it’s actually a good sensory experience. And I don’t have to be married to him but we do have to live together.

  6. I mean do want you want, but I think that whole concept has had a very negative affect on society.

  7. As for me as an individual, I’ve always viewed sex as something very intimate and special I’d only be willing to experience with someone equally special. I’m not religious and wouldn’t save myself for marriage, but back when I still intended to date, I looked forward to saving myself to a loving partner in a committed, monogamous relationship. If he wouldn’t appreciate that and view it as a compliment on how much I trusted and valued him, he wouldn’t be compatible with me.

    Not everyone shares an identical view on sex and its importance in different stages in (or outside of) a relationship. I wish people both on the more conservative and liberal ends on the sexual spectrum could be a little more understanding of that. Not partaking in hookups, being proud of being a virgin, or saving yourself for marriage isn’t a problem and doesn’t in itself cause unhealthy sexual norms and expectations, misogyny does.

  11. Even though I disagree with the rhetoric that lots of casual sex is empowering, I do think that saving oneself for marriage isn’t a great idea. This idea of thinking is so rooted in shame, and it breaks my heart.

  12. My feeling is that those are all highly personal matters, and nobody – including religious and social leaders – should be telling others how they ought to feel about them. If some people feel like they would be better off not having sex before marriage, they should be respected for their decisions just as much as people who think it’s a bad idea to commit to another before they’ve got some sexual experience under their belts. As long as they’re honest with their partners and are responsible about preventing the spread of STIs and unwanted pregnancy, folks who see sex as a purely physical exercise are just as valid as those who only want to share physical intimacy with those they deeply care for. As long as everybody involved is a truly, freely consenting adult, it’s all good.

  13. I waited until marriage. It was fine. Turns out I’m not sexually compatible with my husband, (he’s a once-a-month man, I’m *always* dtf.) But our marriage is strong. I’m not sure I would have married him if we had sex before marriage, and that would be sad because he’s the greatest man to ever exist.

    I think it’s overrated, honestly.

  15. I hate the great deal of social stigma attached to virginity. Some immature people laugh at other people just because the latter have not had their first time yet. What is the problem with being virgin? Just do your stuff at your own pace.

  16. Virginity is a social construct. Men would like to think that their penis is so special that a woman is changed once they have sex.

  17. I don’t agree with religions extreme negative view of it, but you can imagine that the reason for that is because back then, being promiscuous was even riskier since although the ancients did have their own form of contraceptives, they weren’t nearly as safe or effective as the ones that we have today. And that’s not even getting into other things like how things like how a lot of women used to die while giving birth back then.

    That is a good reason to encourage virginity or abstinence in my book and sex is a deeply intimate experience that I believe shouldn’t be shared with just anyone, but at the same time, like everything in life, moderation is key. As long as you’re not over indulging or causing harm, there’s nothing wrong with occasionally engaging in sexual activities for the fun of it

  18. I think the concepts of virginity and purity are overblown and held over women’s heads in a very weird way (of course, they are rarely – if ever – held over men’s heads!! Hmmm wonder why!)

    With that said, in my experience, most people are generally TOO flippant about sex and not the opposite.

    I DID wait until marriage and it has unequivocally made my marriage stronger. I wouldn’t force this on anyone, but I’d definitely recommend it. I like that I’ve never been with anyone else and all my experiences have been new with someone I truly love and am committed to.

  19. I was a shy, awkward girl before sex, and I’m a shy, awkward girl after. It has changed nothing. I am a woman of value now as I was before. It saddens me that through out history women are made to feel that there will be some sort of “reward” in return for their abstinence. Unenviably, these women are **cheated** because in time, they’ll realise there is not one.

    Sex can be as special as you deem it to be, and you are always in your own right to choose when/who you share this experience with. Some women will care more than others, but it’s important that both of these women know that by doing either, they’re no more special than the other.

  20. I wouldn’t have any issues with people thinking like this if it applied to both genders, but this whole “pure/innocent virgin” mindset seems to only matter when it’s a woman.

    My personal opinion for both genders – nothing wrong with try before you buy. Marriage is a big commitment and first time sex has a tendency to be underwhelming.

    However your body is your temple, there’s also nothing wrong with holding out if that’s what you want to do.

  21. If that’s what someone wants to do, they should do it. It wasn’t something I wanted to do so I didn’t do it.

  23. I think if someone wanted to live with that way, all the power to them. Personally, not only is that train long gone for me but i have no desire to wait at this point

  24. The problem is the emphasis on virginity. Virginity is a simple physical state that you can lose through no fault of your own. I lost mine to rape. Now what? For a long time, I felt I had failed. But if the emphasis had been on making choices in line with Christly (not Christian) love, it would have been easier to reorient my thinking into healthy channels.

    And don’t get me started on the high levels of vaginismus and other serious sexual issues among women raised in purity culture. You can’t go from being told that your virginity is the most important thing about you into a sex goddess in one night…

    ETA staying a virgin until marriage made more sense when people were married around 18. At 30, it’s another thing altogether.

  25. I don’t think theres a problem with waiting for marriage, you don’t have to be religious to want that and I can see how some people benefit from it.

    The whole religious purity aspect of it I don’t care for. It’s why so many people don’t know their bodies or each others bodies, and there’s so much stigma around sex even now.

  26. In my religion, that is an expectation (for both women **and** men), just because it is seen as something sacred and reserved for marriage, because that is equally sacred. I personally plan to wait.

  28. I am not religious and don’t really have thoughts about virginity and purity (Aka doesn’t matter to me), however I do believe that sex is or should be something special between two people that at least trust each other.

    Every person until my current SO I have regretted giving that part of me in the sense that it’s a very vulnerable/private experience that I haven’t shared with many, so sometimes I do look at sex and wonder if waiting until marriage is the better choice

  29. Probably the right way to go about things I personally did and got married at 22.

  31. As long as people practice it in a healthy way it’s good, not everyone has to follow it and no one should be judged for following it.

    Everyone has their own view about sex, some may see it as something connected to love and others preffer a touch and go.

    I don’t see the problem with virginity, but the word “purity” shouldn’t be used

  33. I literally never cared about it actually. I’m 21 and I just “lost” my virginity like 3-4 months ago, my friends were like “it’s a huge deal!” And there I was like nothing happened because I didn’t felt it like THAT huge of a deal they were telling me it was. Just fairy tales to scare people with v*ginas.

  35. I think we’re damned if we are and damned if we’re not… could be my own personal experience, nothing more… 🤔

  38. It’s bullshit. Other people can do what they want but I hope they do it (or don’t, as the case may be) because it’s what they want and not because of this bullshit.

  39. Ridiculous for so many reasons. First it’s very one-sided (women expected to be virginal, but duded do whatever they want). Second, people are waiting much later to get married which is smart because I cringe at the thought of being married to my boyfriend when I was 18. It’s unrealistic to expect people to remain virgins until their 30s or later. Also, being sexually compatible is a huge factor in a successful marriage.

  41. Hate the double standards of it how it’s expected from females but not the same energy is given for the men, and places so much shame on the act itself.

  42. I say FUCK. Fuck, make love, have sex, screw – whatever you want to call it. Put the P inside the V before you marry.

    We’re human, but part of being human is having sexual/physical needs and desires. If you wait, and discover after marriage that you don’t have that compatibility with your partner… I can’t even imagine the internal struggle that would put on both parties and the strain that struggle would put on the relationship.

    That’s just my take on it.

    A lot of people like to say physical attraction isn’t everything, and sex isn’t a big deal, but I don’t know a single person in a healthy, strong relationship that isn’t physically attracted to their partner to some degree, so… scrap the term “shallow” – there’s some deep primal THING about attraction, and it’s totally normal, and we should feed into it before we marry our life long partner…

    Unless! Marriage isn’t a “life long” concept for the individual.

    🤷🏼‍♀️ Again – just my take on it, and my impulsive response.

  43. Not only is it bullshit, but it’s bullshit that has been promulgated to the point where it’s interfered with me (someone who was not born or raised Christian) getting proper sex Ed in school. It’s also lodged itself into my head as guilt around being too sexual (even though I practice safe sex, and get tested regularly!)

  44. You can and should do what you want with your own body, but consider whether the doctrines of a traditionally misogynistic and controlling religious group are indeed the rules you want to follow during your one wild and precious life.

  45. I dont think saving for marriage etc is good at all but the first time for everything is special. First airplane ride, first kiss, first day at school. It should be treated as such. Special, and on your terms.

  46. I can understand saving yourself for marriage in a religious context. This was written in the Bible specifically to control the heirs of a family (very important in the Biblical time period), to prevent the spreading of STDs, and to financially protect women if their partner failed to adequately provide for them. Theres much more legal context in the Bible than religious wackos are willing to admit. The rest of it is bullshit

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