I (21F) and my gf(18F) recently had a big argument due to miscommunication, jealousy, and insecurities. It all started when I had let her know I was going out to dinner with a few of my friends. In the past, she has gotten very upset and jealous with me going out with my friends due to her issues of jealousy **like she wishes she could be there with me as well as the idea of others thinking i am in a relationship with one of my friends** I would just like to say though, I have done nothing that would make anyone believe I was in a relationship with anyone other than her. Anyways because of this that night, she acted passive aggressive and generally hot/cold where she would want to talk and exchange funny videos of us to all of a sudden shutting me out, not wanting to talk, and being dry in conversation. Of course I asked if she wanted space, which she returned with a no and that she still wanted to talk with me. That night, I just felt very confused and upset by it all but didn’t say anything about it until she started to say things like “You don’t care about me, you don’t want to talk to me” “You’re being passive aggressive” when it seemed to me it was the other way around, that she was treating me this way. I had got upset, I believed her behavior to be immature and manipulative. Anyways, by the end of the argument I had let her know that I felt like… I couldn’t tell her my feelings in fear of an argument and that when I did tell her my feelings, it didn’t seem like anything changed after she apologized as far as her behavior. **For more context, anytime she is upset with me, she acts this way towards me** This led to her asking me not to leave her over and over again, which again seemed manipulative to me.
Since then it seems like she has been off with me. Still hot/cold but more in a subtle way :/ being dry in conversation, she has been busier, will say she is going to study or practice her violin, but a lot of those times i catch her on social media **I don’t mind her wanting to take time to herself or to talk with friends. I just wish she would tell me instead of acting like she can’t talk at all, this is also something i have said I would feel fine with her telling me if she didn’t feel like texting with me** Leading on..
About a week and a half ago she tells me about this girl she met on Snapchat and that they became friends. I think it is maybe because of all the times she has gotten jealous of me and my friends, that I got a little jealous over the girl. I let her know this and at first she was a little upset and then just said “She knows you are my girlfriend, she is just a friend”. It really didn’t make me feel any better about my jealousy but I kept quiet as to not sound accusatory of something I am not sure of. I am in the wrong in this situation because ever since she told me about the girl, I regularly check her snap location and snap score. I know I shouldn’t do it so I have been looking less frequently but I haven’t stopped completely yet.
But I feel even more upset about it now because of things said just last night. She was supposed to call me, well she promised she would since she has been so busy with schooling that she has less time to call and text. But then right before she was gonna call me she said she had to finish some last minute studying before bed and that she couldn’t call. Yes I was a little sad about it but I understand she had things to do. Anyways fast forward 20-30 minutes later, i check her location and what do you know? She was active, with a snap score 100 points higher than when i last checked. Not a minute after I check she starts sending me pictures of this girl’s dog, saying how cute it is, she even made a joke about the dog being her girlfriend now **an inside joke between us where she calls my pets her boyfriends** It made me sick to my stomach thinking she may have said that joke to this girl but I couldn’t ask her if she did. I asked her if she was still studying and she said “No I haven’t been studying :0 huhh?”. Acting like she didn’t tell me she was going to study :/ All the while I am thinking, the one chance I had to talk to her on the phone properly since our calls have been shorter due to us being so busy, where I get to hear her voice and see her when we are talking and she decides to again act like she is busy and talking to this girl and I have to act like I am okay with it when I’m not.
I know the relationship is toxic on both sides. But I still want to make it work with her, regardless of it all, my love for her hasn’t gone away. Even still I know that if I don’t talk about this soon, it will take a toll on me. I want to know what I can do.. is anyone in a situation like this? Is there any advice on how I can approach my feelings about the girl to my gf in a way that let’s her know I am upset without it being accusatory and unreasonable of me? What way can I ask for reassurances from her? Am I possibly just overthinking the entire situation? What should I say to her if I feel she is being cold or dry with me when I don’t know why she is? Am I even asking the right questions for advice? I really don’t know what to do.