I’ve liked this guy for over a year (basically since the start of our friendship in late 2021) and only recently told him. He was not in a relationship at the time, but got a girlfriend the day after I confessed to him. I never got a definite “yes” or “no” from him (he just said “okay” whenever I said anything) and so I’ve kind of been in emotional hell for the past few months since my confession. He also says he’s “heteroflexible” (i.e. “mostly straight”) and I think that he didn’t say “yes” to my confession because he liked this other girl and, if he did like me, could avoid questioning his sexuality since I’m nonbinary and would complicate things.
Our friendship has consisted a lot of me helping him out with things (I helped him move out, have helped him take care of his pets a bunch, help him around his house when he asks, and am there for him emotionally), but I haven’t gotten a lot of reciprocation from him. I enjoy being around him (and still definitely have a crush on him, which sucks) and being his friend, but I also think that our relationship isn’t good for me. I’m constantly giving without getting a lot back and still haven’t gotten any closure about whether or not he liked me back (or even possibly still likes me, who the heck knows). I’m still interpreting some of his behavior as mixed messages (he has a cute nickname for me, has asked me to cut his hair, confides in me about personal stuff) even though he has a girlfriend.
I’ve talked to my loved ones about this and all of them have said I should just cut him off. I’ve tried to subtly create some emotional space between us by turning off text notifications and not responding to Insta DMs, but it just doesn’t feel good because I do still want to talk to him. But, I also don’t get a lot from him and am in a lot of emotional pain because of how my confession went (it’s been about four months and I can still easily cry about it). I’m just so confused about what his feelings are in regards to me and what I should do. I’ve thought about just being blunt and having a conversation about it, but the awkwardness that would ensue is turning me off from doing it.
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Any ideas on what I should do? I’m also open to just words of encouragement or general support. Thanks for reading 🙂
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**TLDR**: Liked this guy for a while and showed it through doing lots of stuff for him and being there for him emotionally, confessed to him, didn’t get a definite response, he got a girlfriend the day after, still have a crush on him, confused about how he feels about me and if I should break off the friendship because of the emotional pain I’m in despite how much I enjoy our relationship
2 comments
If he likes you enough to be with you then he would have been with you. Period. There is no additional closure to be found, he keeps you around for attention. The people in your life saying to cut him off really do have your best interest at heart
If it were me…I would end the friendship and move on. If he had feelings for you, he could break up with his girlfriend and tell you how he feels. The fact that he *hasn’t* done that yet is your answer. He wants to be with someone else.
If you feel like you need a definite end point for closure, you could be direct and tell him something along the lines of, “I really care about you as a friend, but now that I have feelings for you as more than a friend, I need to take a break from you. I can’t keep seeing or talking to you. It’s only increasing my feelings for you, and it’s clear that I need to move on.”