(20F)
I’ve somehow managed to make it to the age of 20 and still not have had sex. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, there have been plenty of times, however, I have a lot of self-esteem issues regarding my body. I have a fear that a guy will see me naked and not want to continue.
According to my family, I’m literally half the size I was 6 months ago as I have lost 25KG and I’m used to guys really not seeing me as something “sexy”, so I still have stretch marks and all that. I am not used to men hitting on me and when they do now, it’s always an odd experience that I enjoy but I also get frightened by it very easily.
I generally never mention it to people, and to men, because some guys have a weird mindset around girls who are virgins and it creeps me out. In fact, I tend to sort of pretend I do have experience in some way (not outright, but I would imply it a little with the mention that I have an ex – which I do, we just had a very “innocent” relationship and just let people make assumptions). I just want to know how to start trying to be better at this because I get scared quite easily. I get scared that they’ll want to go farther than I want to and because I’m quite passive that I’ll just go along with it.
Any advice?
3 comments
Keep your dates in public places until you’re comfortable enough to be alone with the guy.
I think it’s very easy to get in our heads about what we look like but think of it this way:
You’re on a date, it’s going well, you’re wearing nice clothes that reveal your general body shape/size. If you choose to go to the bedroom later, you aren’t giving a surprise. The person you’re with has already seen the gist of what’s going on underneath and they’ve already decided that they still want to be there with you.
We come in all shapes and sizes and there’s always people out there who would be so happy to touch all our lumps, bumps and marks.
My partner posts pictures and videos of me. I’ve had 2 kids, I’ve got stretch marks, I have the ‘mothers apron’, saggy boobs and all that but I read the comments made and almost all are positive and complimentary of my body.
Trust when I say, they aren’t going to care as much as you do.
As for being worried you’ll be pushed to do things, I know it’s hard but you have to be assertive with what you want and the pace you want it.
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1. Find a guy who is truly caring and sensitive to your needs, and checks in with you as things progress. (This is way harder than it should be but by no means impossible.)
2. Be honest about how you are feeling.
3. I guarantee that plenty of men would be thrilled to have you naked with them. (as evidenced by men hitting on you.)
4. One option would be to post pics of yourself on reddit /r/normalnudes or /r/ratemyboobs for example, and you will probably find lots of positive affirmations from men.