How can I make him change his mind?

21 comments

1. > not ready for anything serious with me

   He has his cake and can eat it too. Why would he give that up? Seems perfect for him.

   The answer is, no, you shouldn’t wait for him. You’ll be waiting a long time, maybe forever.

2. If he likes you he will be with you. Force not forced. Keep it simple.

3. move on

4. Three months is early to be forcing someone to commit.Have you agreed to be exclusive? I think that is fair to ask at 3 months.Talking about having kids someday, or getting married some day is good too. Making someone promise to be with you forever takes at least a year.

   And you can not force it. That likely gets resistance, and works against you. Have fun and be wonderful. Have great experiences together and build up a history of amazing time together. Get him to talk about his plans and dreams. Support them. Let the conversation flow.

   And hold onto your own boundaries. If he IS the one, he will respect them, and support your plans and dreams. That takes a year or two of experience to discover. Just give it time.

   Edit to add:

   I am reading other comments that criticize him, or tell OP to move on. Bad advice. It is those comments that make dating suck so much. It takes more than 3 months to get to know someone well enough. To build a loving relationship takes time. OP has said he is wonderful. The only this missing is the commitment . And that takes at longer to know.

   And it does not come with force. Take away the force and be wonderful. Give more than you get. If he matches you in that, keep going. That makes a relationship.

   As of this moment, OP has said only positive about him, except lack of a promise.

5. This is one of those typical one-sided sutuationships. I’ve been on both sides of it, as the one that cared less and the one that cared more. Trust me, it’s not worth it for you. Just a world of hurt to come. Do yourself a favor and leave now, grieve, and find someone that is emotionally available for you.

6. You can’t get him to change his mind, he has made his decision.

   Either he is not open to have any serious relationships or he does not want to get serious with you.

   All that he is offering you is casual dating and sex, if that is not compatible with your ambitions & lifestyle preferences- it is time for you to move on.

   There are plenty of potentially compatible single guys in the dating sea who are looking for a serious relationship and will be interested in getting to know you. Good luck!

7. You’re not in a relationship, you have a fuck buddy. I speak from experience having been where you are when I was younger.

   You can keep telling yourself that this is a relationship, but you’ll only cause yourself more pain in the long run and waste your time.

   He’s told you what he wants – a non-committed sexual relationship. He won’t change. Not for you anyway. Cut your losses and find someone who really likes you and wants the same things. This guy will continue having sex and hanging out with you for as long as you’ll let him, its not a sign that he just needs time.

   ETA: 3 months is more than enough time to know whether you want to date someone exclusively as their boyfriend. For all those people saying 3 months isn’t long enough – sure if you’re talking getting married or moving in together. But not to just define the relationship as dating one another and no one else. I’m sorry OP but he just doesn’t like you enough to want a relationship, but he wants to continue having sex and having his occasional emotional needs met on his terms.

8. you can’t

9. I don’t think you rushed anything. 3 months is a good time frame, and you’ll still learn more about your partner as the relationship progresses, so a lot of men don’t need “time” to figure out whether they want to be with you or not. Most men have said it only took them a few days, weeks, like 1 month to ask the person they were seeing to become their girlfriend, so don’t wait for him. Those waiting months will turn into years QUICKLY.

10. stop. u deserve better.

11. This guy doesn’t want commitment, just the benefit.
    Regardless he has already told you what and how he feels . He doesn’t want you more then just a good time , being it in the bed or out of the bed . It’s up to you to decide whether it worth trying to pursue something or not . I would say if in 3 -4 months they don’t want something serious , it ain’t gonna happen.

12. You don’t change his mind. That’s manipulation. He is entitled to feel the way he feels without having your interference. That’s incredibly wrong. He’s already made his decision and you need to respect it instead of forcing your hand to get someone to do something they don’t want to do. You are also entitled to want to be with someone who is ready for a relationship. Part of maturing is understanding that people are allowed to make their own choices including you. Trying to manipulate someone to do what YOU WANT, Is not okay and it wouldn’t be okay the other way around.

13. Don’t try and make him change his mind. It will only result in you getting hurt one way or another.

    How many times have you gone out together? Did you text every day? If you have been very close the past 3 months and he still doesn’t want anything exclusive, it sounds to me like he is happy being able to sleep around and keep his options open, and if you’re not okay with that, I would get out of there.

14. If he’s into you he will commit.

15. Don’t be a pain in the ass. Compliment his life. When you hang out with him and his buddies, blend in instead of being the center of attention. Be independent. Be career driven. If you need attention, address why so you don’t need attention moving forward. Be someone that would make his mother excited instead of concerned when he brings you around her.

16. No changing their minds. I’ve been with someone for 2 years and still he doesn’t want to commit.

17. You cannot.

    Don’t believe any crap dating article, believe the words that HE told you and move on because you deserve better.

18. Get out, run like you on fire 🔥

19. Let me guess. He doesn’t want anything serious with you but still wants sex from you?

20. Please don’t listen to advice from Reddit. There is not enough information here to give you any insight into your situation. If he’s making time for you and really does like you and you want to stay in the relationship then stay. If he’s seeing others and treating you as an option. Leave. You can’t force him to do anything but a decent man won’t make promises he can’t keep either.

21. If you’re not committed, it’s not exactly a “relationship”… so I don’t know what you’re referring to when you say you’ve forced him into one? You mean you forced him into seeing you casually?

    If he likes you a lot, he’ll give you what you want (a committed relationship), if he doesn’t want that, I don’t see how nor why you think he “likes you a lot”.