I’m together with someone who loves me very much, and I love him so much. But he’s not in love with me, so there is something major missing in the relationship.
He told me he wants to eventually date or be with someone else. And I want that too. But now I know what is coming.
I just can’t seem to pull the plug myself. (Or not yet?) I have done it too many times, I have been through too many breakups. It hurts me too much to do it myself, to be the strong one this time.
Anyone (ever been) stuck in limbo like that? What do we need to do to get out? I feel like he is in the same position or else we wouldn’t be here.
There are reasons why both of us find it difficult to quit (ghosting, abuse) maybe that’s good to know before you reply with just quit already. I’m in therapy for it and he has just completed therapy. Both individually.
We have always supported each other and helped each other grow and still do.
TLDR I have mixed feelings about our relationship, but both of us find it hard to quit due to how we’ve been hurt in the past, both in and outside romantic relationships.
2 comments
It’s hard for both of you because you both care about each other. Neither of you wants to hurt the other. But I don’t think you guys are doing yourselves or each other any favors by continuing.
The end is there. The feelings are friendship – not romantic. Maybe you both need to discuss the possibility of being good friends down the line, instead of forcing yourselves to stay.
There’s nothing wrong with becoming friends that care. Amicable splits are way better than the ones where you can’t ever speak to each other or think of each other without hurt.
I’m in a position right now where we both decided that in order to save our friendship, we needed to end the romantic and sexual part of our relationship. He was incapable to give me what I needed (not because he was an asshole, but because he is just not capable), and it was hurting me and hurting him because he didn’t feel like enough for me. It’s hard when you care so much for the other person, so it took us both too long to do it. Sometimes you just have to rip off the bandaid. Will it hurt and feel like a mistake? Absolutely, but you’ll feel better when you move on.