Short back ground: my fiancé and I (30F; me) and (33M) have been together for 10 years. We used to have great sex. We like giving each other oral, fucking, everything. Over the last 2ish years things have gone down hill. We hardly ever have sex, he seems to not want to have deep conversations, we don’t kiss nothing. I try to initiate sex and nothing can arouse him except trans porn sites.
I decided to go thru his phone to see what’s up with him and found that he has subscriptions to 2 Trans porn websites but yet he tells me he has no sexual drive. I noticed that in his emails (how I found out) he signed up for this while I was asleep. This has totally broken my heart bc I feel like I shouldn’t have to throw myself at him. And not to mention makes me feel like he’s into men now ??? I’m so confused and hurt. Does anyone have advice for me 😞 feel free to ask more questions, my head is spinning at the moment
11 comments
Babe…get out. You will be miserable forever
If I’m reading your situation correctly, he has a choice to make.
He can either redirect his sexual energies to include you (which might mean openness about his fetishes or might mean abandoning them, depending on your attitude); or he can take responsibility for the end of the engagement and the relationship.
Lifelong monogamous fidelity is a huge ask. Not providing sexual attention to your partner in such an endeavor is really unkind and unwise.
Confess what you found and how you found it. Put your ultimatums on the table. But ultimately, listen. Find out how long this has been going on. Understand it from his perspective. Don’t let him off the hook with “just looking”; he paid for this for a reason.
Be kind, be compassionate, be the strong one, but do not forget for a moment that the evasions and lies we tell to cover our shame rarely ends with marriage: it just gets to be an even higher-stakes game.
It sounds like he has checked out of the relationship. While I hate to say it, this is a situation where breaking up would be best for you because this doesn’t sound like a relationship anymore (unless you consider being roommates a relationship).
Yeah. I don’t think that going forward would be a good choice.
Just don’t want to make that decision for some reason. I keep making myself think this nightmare will be over soon but it’s not going to be. Hate to throw away years of something that was once amazing
Is he changed? Or has something else happened? The reason i ask is because when i was struggling with my head, i was so into myself that i didnt want sex at all…
I urge you to dump your fiance. Obviously, he’s got a porn addiction, and he’s not interested in getting treatment for it.
However, being into porn featuring trans women (women with penises) does not mean that your fiance is into men. Trans women are women regardless of their genitals, and the vast, VAST majority of men who consume porn that features them identify as heterosexual.
I know that you’re upset, but that’s not an excuse to be transphobic.
He’s not gay or bi. He’s still straight. He’s just a regular old porn junkie.
Babe you’re still young, it’s time to move on. Life is too short. I left a relationship of 7 years that had become very different from the way it was when we got together so I know how hard it can be. You have to do what’s best for yourself, I promise it will get better because it’s likely not going to if you stay together.
Try and convince him to take some performance enhancing ED supplements. It may take some time and some hard work but I think it’s worth a shot. Watching porn videos doesn’t count as cheating in my opinion
Uhhh have you even discussed this with him?
Do u both a favor and end things. Like is too short to not be happy. He’s only holding in because of guilt