I (28F) feel like it’s time to leave my boyfriend (30M) but I can’t bring myself to do it

Hey everyone, as the title says I feel like it’s time for me to walk away from my relationship of 3 years, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

We’ve had many issues over the years, and nothing has been resolved. I’ve brought up my issues, concerns, and needs in every way imaginable with no change.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve stopped bringing up these things. That also means that our relationship can’t grow. I feel disconnected from him and it hurts. But I’ve been stuck in this feeling of uncertainty and ambivalence for so long now and I know it can’t go on..

I recently read this book “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” and it really helped shed a light on my situation.

The biggest problems that the book outlined were from the following questions it asked:

– Does your partner bombard you with difficulties when you try to get even the littlest thing you want; and is it your experience that almost any need you have gets obliterated; and if you ever do get what you want, is getting it such an ordeal that you don’t feel it was worth all the effort?
Yes

– Does it seem to you that your partner generally and consistently blocks your attempts to bring up topics or raise questions, particularly about things you care about?
Yes

– Is there something your partner does that makes your relationship too bad to stay in and that he acknowledges but that, for all intents and purposes, he’s unwilling to do anything about?
Yes

– As you think about your partner’s problem that makes your relationship too bad to stay in, does he acknowledge it and is he willing to do something about it and is he able to change?
No and no

– Is it likely that, if you have a reasonable need, you and your partner will be able to work out a way for you to get it met without too painful a struggle?
No

– When the subject of intimacy comes up between you and your partner, is there generally a battle over what intimacy is and how to get it?
Yes

– Is there some particular need that’s so important to you that if you don’t get it met, looking back you’ll say that your life wasn’t satisfying, and are you starting to get discouraged about ever being able to get it met?
Yes

—

I feel like there’s no hope for us. I’ve told him before we resigned our lease that things needed to change if we continued to live together. I was explicit in that I wasn’t happy with that the way things were going. The only thing I’ve never done is tell him I’m on the verge of leaving if things don’t change. The last thing I want is an ultimatum..

I love him and can’t imagine my life without him but I don’t know what else to do. He’s unable to meet my basic needs, unable to work on himself, we’re very different people in how we live our lives, he isn’t even willing to work together on our problems. I’m tired of trying to talk because I feel like he doesn’t listen.

I’m so hurt and heartbroken. I thought we would spend our lives together..

TL;DR — I feel like my relationship is a lost cause and I’ve outgrown it. He won’t work with me to resolve things, won’t work on himself, and doesn’t seem to care about my needs. Is leaving my only option? Should I tell him I’m thinking of leaving? How do I cope with this?