My best friend (23M) and I (23F) have been friends for 10 years. Ever since school ended, we had that kind of friendship where you see each other 2 times a year but it’s always like the old times.
I always saw our relationship as this brother/sister thing, it’s extremely intimate in the sense that we talk and question each other about everything, from our sex lives to identifying spiders. I never even thought of the possibility of being attracted to him or vice-versa.
He was always in relationships during school and I was always in relationships during college, so it’s not like we had the opportunity to think about ourselves together anyway.
But things changed a bit last year. I’ve been single for almost a year and he has been single for 4 or 5 years. During the past year, we hung out a lot more often (with other friends) and talked a lot more frequently.
My realization that I might be in love with him (or at least attracted to him) came after the New Year’s Eve party we went to together, where we slept on the same couch. I don’t know if it was the hangover or simply loneliness as there were a lot of couples at the party, I just had this weird feeling in my stomach about waking up next to him, even though we were just laying beside each other, no cuddling or anything.
Then I remembered something he said a few months ago, that **he falls in love with all his female friends except me.** I remember finding it funny when he told me that, but now I just feel rejected lol.
I don’t think I should act on this as our friendship is too dear to me and I don’t know if I’m actually in love or just lonely, but ugh this feeling is annoying.
I’d like to know, what would you do in my shoes? Would you pursue the friend? Or how would you try to get over him?
TL;DR: I think I’m in love with my best friend and don’t if should pursue him or not.
8 comments
> he said a few months ago, that he falls in love with all his female friends except me.
Don’t let that be the hang up, it could also have been him telling himself not to.
Can you live with not knowing whether this could become more than a friendship?
If you can, then the safe answer is, “Don’t do it.”
If you can’t, then you need to ask him whether he has any similar feelings for you, knowing that asking the question could fundamentally change, even break the relationship.
Disclaimer: I found myself in this position at work 23 years ago. Realized that I’d developed feelings for a very good friend in my office. Realized that I just **couldn’t** not answer That Question, even if it meant blowing up the friendship. Had several people tell me not to do it, with good, sensible reasons. Had to. Last year we celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. So, it *can* work out.
But, do know that asking That Question could mean you lose a friend. It could also mean you gain something great. Only you know if the risk is worth taking.
Spend more time trying to date if you are feeling lonely and don’t want to pursue these feelings. Create a little distance and invest in other friends a bit more too.
“hey, i seriously think we should go on a date, yay or nay?”
you will know if you have a chance or not depending on his reaction. dont be afraid, no foul can come from this. worst case scenario nothing chances. best case you get together
He’s a guy friend, almost guaranteed that he’ll go out with you. All guy friends want to tap their female friends, that’s why they are friends with them. Lol
Life is short. You are young. Go for it. Might lost a friend at.least in the short term. Might have epic romance. You don’t want to wonder what if
No guy wants a girl as a friend. They all want more. I married my best friend. Been together for 15 years. Had our ups and downs, but I’m so in love with her.
He probably is at least partially into you that way.
Do you really love him though? You’ve described this in very TikTok-y, cliché, rom-com-y language. What do you love about him? The timing just seems a bit suss. It just kind of seems like you semi-recently got out of a break up (<1 year) and are looking to fill a void, and your closest guy friend of ten years can emotionally fill that void. You might be falling in love with a story, not your friend.
I’ve been on both sides of that equation and it has generally not ended well. After the “friends to lovers” fog comes off and I stop viewing my life like a rom com and recognize how they actually are as a partner, it becomes pretty evident that we weren’t actually compatible in a relationship that way. And you can’t go back from a relationship to friends, so I’ve lost contact with all these people who once meant the world to me.
Some people are just meant to be friends, and those can be the most beautiful relationships we ever have.