My ex and I were together for six years, and we’ve stayed friends and roommates for the last two years. So he’s been a constant presence in my life for eight years now. I should emphasize that I **do not** want to get back together with him. We had *a lot* of issues, but we broke up to try and save our friendship from the resentments that had been building up in our relationship, and for a while, we did. Things were fine between us- we could finally enjoy each other’s company without the faults in the relationship poisoning our feelings for each other- up until he started a LDR with his new boyfriend, at which point he became a recluse that stayed in his room from the time he came home from work until the time he went to bed.
I almost never talk to him anymore because he’s always in his room with the door shut talking to his boyfriend or on Discord gaming with his other friends. He doesn’t invite me to do anything with him anymore, he doesn’t come out of his room other than to go to the bathroom or to get food. Occasionally I can drag him out into the common area to play Smash Bros like we used to for a while, but aside from that, he’s become a stranger. And in a few months, he’s planning to move out to go across the country to be with his new boyfriend, and I don’t know if or when I’ll ever see him again. There’s not much here for him to come back to, and I don’t think his boyfriend is comfortable with the idea of hosting his ex if I wanted to visit. This has me feeling really melancholic lately and sentimental about the memories we have together, but I get the feeling that he doesn’t even think about it, or if he does, it doesn’t bother him. I don’t have a lot of people in my life anymore, so losing someone who has been around for so long feels pretty devastating. Even if he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore, he was still one of my best friends, and feeling like I don’t have a place in his life anymore hurts. A lot.
I had trouble sleeping last night and I could hear he was in his room chatting with his friends, so around 2 AM I asked if he wanted to walk around the neighborhood with me for a little while. I said I was “feeling sentimental”, but really I wanted to talk about those feelings, apologize for some of my failures in our relationship, reminisce about the good times, just to try and work through this grief I’m feeling about our relationship- the overall relationship we had, not just the failed capital R “Relationship”. He said he would, but that he had to wrap up the conversation he was having about anime with his friends. I had to work today, he had today off, so I could only really wait for about 10 minutes before I gave up and just went by myself to clear my head. It just made me feel even more lonely and rejected. I’m angry at him for blowing me off when I was feeling vulnerable, and sad that I was less important to him in that moment than some conversation about anime with his other friends that he had already been talking to all evening before that, and I don’t know what I should do anymore other than to give up and become cold around him to protect myself.
1 comment
Have you told him how you feel?