A year and a half ago I became very close platonic friends with a guy who has a long term girlfriend, and I also have a long term boyfriend. My friendship with this guy was completely and clearly platonic from the start, and there was absolutely no flirting or suggestions of romance between us and we are both very faithful to our partners and consider our partners to be our number ones. Me and my friend were extremely close for about a year, and saw each other almost every single day to study together or just hang out. We confided in each other about many different things and had many friends in common too.
For the entirety of last year, both our partners were far away (his in another country, mine a long train ride away). Due to our partners being long distance, my friend and I were the people who were most actively present in eachothers’ lives on a daily basis. Over summer, his girlfriend moved back close to home. She and I got on really well and hung out a few times. She is very lovely and we have spent some one-on-one time with each other. We even went on a trip together with some of his other friends from his past. I am almost 100% sure she had no issue with me or my friendship with her boyfriend.
Then one day shortly after my friend’s girlfriend came back, he just completely dropped me. Like it went from us seeing each other every single day to basically zero contact. I reached out to him a few times but he left me on read, and then I stopped texting him out of self-respect. Sometimes I see him walking around with other people we both know, and he is relatively cold if I try to wave or say hi. I was very hurt and became slightly depressed. I kept trying to figure out what I had done wrong or what had happened and couldn’t think of a single thing. I wondered if the only reason he was my friend for a year was because he wanted a female companion to replace his girlfriend in her absence.I felt quite used.
I am mostly over it now, and stopped trying to reach out to him although I miss him a lot. However, all of a sudden he has texted me asking me if I am in town. Should I respond and try to mend my friendship with him? Or just ignore it and completely move on from the friend
TL;DR best guy friend completely dropped me when his long-term girlfriend moved back to town. He now seems to want to get back in touch. What should I do?
4 comments
If I had to guess, his s/o felt uncomfortable about you and gave him an ultimatum. And, as you said, she is his #1.
You were being used as someone to spend time with and now he can spend the time with his girlfriend, who he should be spending his time with. Not you. I would not be okay with my boyfriend trying to hang out with some girl every single day while I’m there. This is normal, sucks he doesn’t say hi in public but sometimes friends are just temporary esp opposite sex. I would focus on making your own female friends, go hang out with your own man lol
I’m pretty sure his gf told him not to hang out with you anymore. She might of acted nice to you and seemed cool about it, but it was probably just a act.
He already dropped you as a friend once. What if his gf is just gone for a little bit and he wants to use you again or worse, maybe he broke up with her and he now wants to see if he can get with you now. I’d say ignore him.
I would hazard a guess and say his partner was uncomfortable with how close you guys were, so he chose her. I wouldn’t bother responding to him as there’s nothing to stop him doing this again.