I’m in a long term relationship with someone I want to be with for the rest of my life, but I feel like I’ve never been so sexually frustrated in my life! And I’m sure he feels the same!
I’d say for upwards of 6 months we have had some of the most mood-killing, clumsy sex possible. In fact, that’s most of the sex we have had for a long time.
I hurt him every time I try riding because we can’t get the angle right and we have equally the same problem in missionary. Then we had to go and get a new bedframe which is taller than before, so now leaning over the bed in doggy is not optimal. I’d say close to 80% of the time we don’t finish because we lose drive after repeated uncomfortable attempts to get him in or him hitting a bad angle.
His size is no issue to me at all, I’d say perfect for me in fact, but he’s not the most well endowed either so we also are limited on positions after we take out reverse/cowgirl, missionary and doggy 🙃.
Anyone else have any experience with a rough sexual patch with their partner? Is there anything you did that helped?
5 comments
Hey, this is very normal. I think the first thing the both of you should do is to acknowledge it. Think of improving your sex life as a group project.
Start simple. For example, you on your back on the edge of the bed. Him standing. That will give him leverage and more freedom to adjust.
For missionary with both of you on the bed, use pillows! One or two under the butt can correct for the angle.
When you are on your back, have him lift up your legs towards your chest. That will lift up your vagina to a more accessible angle.
Take your time. You should break up penis-in-vagina action with oral, sensual massage, kissing. It is not a race to the finish line.
Reassure your partner that you are having fun. Tell him what about sex is endearing you to him. Have him tell you too. Explore dirty talk! There’s no hurry. If both of you want to improve and care for each other, you have decades to ace this project!
So what hurts him? Is he slipping in and out a lot?
If so, you guys might want to consider grinding together—he thrusts in, and then you sort of move together back and forth without him pulling out again, if that makes sense.
Do you communicate openly? Are you having moments where you just try stuff out and play around, as opposed to trying to be done with it? Have you tried toys? Have you watched each other masturbate? Have you shared your fantasies?
Lube is a life saver
This sort of depends on your broader relationship dynamic, but if you can be goofballs around each other bring it to bed with you. Making sex funny is super rewarding if you’re feeling awkward about it. It lightens the mood, highlights the ridiculousness of trying to be pornstar serious about real sex with real people, and it makes you feel great whether or not you can finish. Avoid making fun of him or his body, as that could lead to feelings being hurt. It’s sort of up to you discretion, but sex doesn’t have to be a super serious ordeal. Keep it light hearted to relieve some of the stress if it’s not going smoothly. If you aren’t making porn, you don’t have to act like it.
This point goes for the above and otherwise; communicate during sex AND afterwards. People like to keep up this illusion that it’s so magical you can’t even speak full sentences. You can, use your words. Get on the same page, then stay there. After you’re done don’t be shy about what you felt was good and what went wrong. Have a conversation and find solutions together.