Why is it rude to ask a guy how much he earns?

37 comments

1. it’s like asking a woman how much she weighs

2. Income = social status.

3. It’s corporate propaganda to prevent people within a place of employment from knowing what they could be earning. It doesn’t necessarily help the employee. My advice? It’s ok to ask, but also quickly and graciously take “no” as an answer

4. as a guy you can ask other guys, it’s cool

5. From a dating perspective, it makes it seem as though you’re only interested in him for his money. From a general population perspective, that is private information nobody needs to divulge. Although it’s not apples to apples, it’s similar to asking someone what sex position they enjoy most. It’s just not something a common person would ask someone.

6. because we know you care a lot about how much he makes. It’s like asking what your bra size is or if you shave your pussy

   when people know someone is going to judge them for something, they get touchy on the question and the answer.

7. When you ask a man how much he earns, you’re implying that the man’s only worth is in the money that he makes. It’s objectifying him as purely a production unit.

   The only time that it’s a valid topic of conversation is either between two people who are about to get married and need to determine finances, or between two people who work in similar industries or companies and need to share information to ensure they are being paid correctly for their work.

8. It’s a rude question regardless of gender.

9. Depends on context.

   Asking a peer who you work with? Not rude at all – employer pay should be transparent – you never know if you are getting your fair wages unless you know what others are getting paid. Anybody who tells you otherwise is an idiot. In the USA, sharing your wages with others is a legally protected right.

   In a casual social setting? It’s often seen as a point of judgement/social status.

   Interested in dating somebody? Quintessential gold digging.

10. If you ask information, it implies you’re going to make some determination based on that information.

    Now, as someone who is self-employed, people ask me how much I might earn and that’s usually in context of them being interested in my field and maybe thinking of getting into it themselves. I would give them a range, in the context of that conversation.

    Outside of that, why do you want to know how much money I make? What decisions and determinations are you going to make based on that bit of information? It might be nothing, it might be malicious. It’s not that important, either for you to know or for you to think about. It’s literally none of your business.

11. I find it pretty rude. My private life is nobody’s business but my own.

12. Between guys, not rude at all. If anything you want to see what everyone around you is making, to make sure you aren’t getting ripped off. Workers rights for the win.

    in a dating scene it has negative connotations, like not wanting to be with a poor man. don’t worry too much about it. If asked just ask back, and make sure the conversation is casual and not a tense standoff

13. I’m a guy but I presume its rude to ask women that too. My go to answer is that I am paid adequately to support my lifestyle.

14. I’m a guy but I presume its rude to ask women that too. My go to answer is that I am paid adequately to support my lifestyle.

15. Because it feels like you are interested in that person just for the money.

16. Generally because there’s a lot of pay fluctuations in even respectable fields which can be embarrassing if you’re new to the field. Think, the average actuary salary in my state is around 96k, but if you find out he’s an actuary and has only been in the field for a few years, he’s probably only making around 60k. It’s embarrassing to admit that even if everybody goes through that

17. Makes it seem like youre after his money. AKA Golddigger

    Personally speaking… nun ya bizness. I’ve only had a couple women ask me how much i make, and everytime i say minimum wage. Finances should only be talked about with your accountant, IRS, and your future spouse(how deep you are in the hole)

18. For me, its none of your business and I don’t need your judgement or sour feelings that may come from telling you. Now I’m put in a weird position where I lie or just tell you I don’t like to share that.

19. Context matters. Completely fine to discuss for business purposes. Committed relationship where you’re looking to combine finances is fine.

    Newly dating is where it is rude. Comes off like they’re only interested in your money or status.

20. The same reason it’s rude to ask a woman how much she weighs.

21. Not necessarily rude in my mind but it will give the guy preconceived notion about you. Even if it’s not true, he’ll be left with the thought of what the priorities are in your mind. So don’t expect the truthful answer from him and if you’re still interested at half his actual salary. You’re in luck!

22. It can be considered rude because it’s private information but coworkers *should* talk to each other about how much they make, it keeps the employers honest and if someone is getting underpaid they can fight it. That’s my opinion anyway

23. It’s objectifying.

24. Context is important. Coworkers? Yeah, share that shit, the only one who benefits is your boss.

    Dating? IMO not until you’re moving in together, and only to figure out the percentage contribution you’ll both have to bills wherever you’re living, because the one who makes more will be pulling the lifestyle past what the one who makes less will likely be able to contribute, so it’s only equitable they take on a slightly larger share of living expenses.

    I can be seen as you’re only dating them for money. If they make more than you, you might place a burden on them to take on more of the finances around dating when you should both still be in the stages of splitting things pretty equally, and if they make less than you, they might feel pressured to overspend to compensate matching your lifestyle.

25. When you’re in a white collar job that isn’t unionized, everyone’s pay is determined by individual negotiation. Asking a man how much he makes in part reveals how much he is being under- or overpaid. So offices once actively discouraged, even punished, discussion of compensation.

    This was also been a *HUGE* issue for sex and racial discrimination. If you can’t ask how much someone makes, you can’t figure out whether the employer is discriminating against women or Black people. This is still not entirely fixed, but a lot of rules and standards address this nowadays.

26. Unless we are living together or your a co-worker its none of your damn business what I make. If i get asked/pushed I say i am a rubbish collector.

27. As someone who worked very hard to make the living, I currently have my answer to whenever anyone asks me how much I make, I simply reply, “Enough.”

    If they insist, I’ll be vague but firm. I’d never reveal how much I actually make because it would change their opinion of me pretty quickly.

28. Never heard this. Who told you this?

29. If I know you ask I don’t care. If I don’t makes it seem you are only interested in money. If you are a dating interest makes it seem like a gold digger. About it. Basically if I know you and were talking about money ask.

30. Because it makes it seem like you are mostly interested in me as a way to gain resources then. Guys what to generally be valued for WHO they are, not what they have. And I would tend to agree as far as how important those two things are. Unless you are scraping the barrel for food, it’s much more important how he treats you than what he has imo. A rich guy cheater is still going to break your heart. An average Joe with integrity isn’t. Do what you want with this information.

31. This is extremely depending on which country you live in. It is mostly a culture thing please be aware of that.

32. I do not think it is rude to ask, though personally I do feel uncomfortable discussing it with people (unless it is relevant, eg. they would be my spouse or I am purchasing insurance)

33. Would you like to be asked about your exact weight or boob size, especially by people who are just getting to know you?

34. Because it’s none of your business.

35. It’s rude because she’s asking you how big your socioeconomic penis is.

    It was more of an issue when I was younger, but yeah, it’s not all women, but there is a group of them, let’s say they are REALLY big fans of the San Francisco 49’s for example.

    And they want to know how much you make, what kind of car you drive,etc. so they know how much they can get you to spend on them.

    It was also kinda dirty, but I saw some of these girls switching to majors that they never intended to finish. One girl went pre-med so she could marry a future doctor, she never intended one finishing her degree. I kind of hope that she did stay in school, but from her vibe, I doubt she graduated.

    They even research earning potential on different college majors. they’ve got this shit down to a science.

36. It has been used as a shaming tactic, to belittle a man in his worth and make him feel useless. Gold diggers as well.

37. It’s all fair game to me. I’ll gladly tell her how much I make if she tells me her body count