Not sure where to post something like this but I suppose I’ll try here.
I’ve been divorced for about four years now. I have two daughters and my ex and I share 50/50 custody. The dust has settled and we are very amicable. I live about 5 miles down the road from her house so they pretty much stop by whenever they want.
Since that time I haven’t dated. The reason for this is two-fold.
1. I am a somewhat devout Roman Catholic. If I were to remarry, I would prefer someone who was Roman Catholic. In order to technically remarry, and even date again, I would require an annulment from the Church. Just a few days ago, I went down to the Archdiocese and I got the packet to apply for a decree of nullity. It is over 90 pages long and goes into incredible detail about my sex life as well as what I perceived about my ex-wife’s sex life. My ex-wife is pretty much an agnostic but despite her beliefs, in an annulment proceeding, all parties have access to the other person’s statements, depositions, and records. Despite the fact that my ex-wife practically gave me her blessing (“Do whatever voodoo you need to do in order to move on”), for the sake of my dignity as well as my ex’s, I would prefer not to rake old coals. I would also hate to mention something in an annulment proceeding that my ex-wife could then read and it festers bad blood between the two of us.
2. Relationships are tough work. They are rough. My marriage of ten years wasn’t exactly a bed of roses. My ex and I were two different people and throughout that entire marriage, I didn’t really feel passion or romance between the two of us. There were some moments of tenderness, and with two daughters, there still is. But eventually we started to stay together more or less out of duty rather than love. I also love to travel. My ex is practically a homebody. After the divorce was finalized, I was determined to do the things that *I* wanted to do. I traveled more before the pandemic. Went to Hong Kong. Started taking my daughters to places that my parents could never afford to take me. I started to hit the gym. At 37, just a few weeks ago, I deadlifted 400lbs for the first time. Despite a deep sense of being *alone*, I really am not *lonely.*
A few days ago, my sister gave me a surprise gift. It was a ticket to a free round of speed dating. I protested and told her I really couldn’t do this, but she insisted, saying that I was using my annulment for not putting myself back out there. Because I am extremely extroverted, I threw caution to the wind. I went.
It was in a very loud cocktail bar, and I could barely even hear the women I rotated with. And despite that, I didn’t really have anything in common with any of the women I encountered. It was perhaps one of the most awkward, forced, and humiliating experiences I have ever endured.
My father and I discussed this yesterday over beers and he mentioned that my behavior just “isn’t normal.” He asked me if I considered myself celibate and I told him, “Not really.” It isn’t the fact that my libido is down or that I have no sex drive. I just feel that I spent 10 years of my life with my entire life centered around one person, and I was always in her periphery.
Now I’m in the center, so to speak. And there’s opportunities for self discovery.
I’m just curious if anyone have received pressure from their own families to date when they really just don’t want to.