How did you deal with your partner wanting to settle down in different place than you?

8 comments

1. Honestly this is one of those dealbreaker topics for me, only because I move through two very different cultures with very different cultural values and ideas about my race. For me, it’s all about how potential children would be raised. I don’t care so much about myself, but I’d want them to be in an environment that’s the least hostile towards them. I want them to grow up with specific cultural values. If a partner wouldn’t agree to raise children in a specific place, then the relationship has no future to me. I’ve always been upfront about that, so it’s out there for someone to know very early.

2. Give it a try with an open mind, and see if you really dislike it. If you do, then someone will have to give.

3. Compromise, find the things that they like about the place they want to go and the things you like about the place you want to go, then find the place that has both things.

4. I drive a lot.

5. I’m really afraid this discussion is coming up…My husband is a native Californian, I am not. I want the hell out of the cesspool this state has become. He’s never lived anywhere else. He “says” we’re moving *when* he retires.

6. I was married to a military member, so I had to give up my job and retirement benefits along the way to move with him. It hindered my career and he came out ahead when we divorced because of it. I will never do that again. If my future partner wants to move somewhere else, they’ll be on their own.

7. This was a major factor in my marriage ending. I had worked really hard in my career to get where I was and I had to give it up to move with him. It was difficult to find a job once me moved and I was reminded of my not having a job at least once a week (it took 4 months), which didn’t help the stress. Eventually I held a huge amount of resentment toward him for it and would bring it up at every disagreement (I know, that’s not healthy but it was my reality at the time).

8. He seemed to want to stay much more than I wanted to leave. I tried to compromise on something not as far etc but he was dumb and basically I just thought I’d be staying there. Well I left him for many many other reasons but I will say being able to move to where I actually wanted to be and away from a place I hated, was also a great experience haha