just some information before i start: i am christian, and i am dealing with the pastor’s son. i am 16 years old &’ i desperately need help from an adult or even other teens who will hear me out. we were together for 6 months.
the pastor’s son, who i will name tiger, is my ex. he cheated on me, and i was quick to forgive him because i had prayed for our relationship and i let God take control over what we had. he revealed to me that tiger was not the guy for me and thats okay. now, a week after i found out he cheated someone else had come across my path. we are both interested in each other but we are *not* dating, we’re getting to know each other. well, tiger has been down at church and i got the feeling to check up on him so i texted him. little did i know this check up text would cause me &’ him to start talking everyday, i texted him 12/29/22. we both revealed many things we never thought we would have, said many things no one has ever said in the relationship. he openly admits he wants me back, he knows what he did wrong, he apologized, he knows that if i give him another chance he’ll love and cherish me the way he should’ve, but that’s not the big problem i have here.
the problem is that he makes it out to seem like a life or death situation, i said i dont know if i can get back with him because of the hurt i felt when i found out he cheated. i said we could stay friends and i would help him heal, he said he would not be comfortable with that. he said he NEEDS me and that if he can’t have me he’d rather be alone and unalive himself. obviously, i cannot let him do that because it seems like he’s putting his life in my hands. his family has constantly thrown shade at him for his mistake and he feels miserable. not only does he want me back he wants to prove to them that he has changed and has learned from his mistake.
i must admit that i do love him, but i’m talking to someone. i’m conflicted because if i choose to be friends then he’ll take his own life, and i dont want to risk that chance. i know im wrong for not giving myself time before getting to know someone else and i probably should have told them im healing from a relationship so i wouldnt have this situation on my hands. i dont know how to go about this so i prayed and now i only wait for God to reveal an answer to me. i dont know what to do im so lost, please help me.
TL;DR: my ex wants me back &’ says that i chose to stay as friends with him he’ll end his life, but i’m talking to someone. i still love my ex but i dont know what to do. i really like this other guy, but i love my ex, he says he’s changed and he’ll be better for me.
4 comments
This kid is manipulating you. He’s trying to control you by threatening suicide if he doesn’t do what he wants. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS. It is a very, very common tactic.
Tell him that you are going to tell his parents that he’s threatening suicide. Do not date him, don’t continue to engage with him. He cheated on you before and he’ll do it again.
It’s a good time to learn this, as you’re young.
Don’t take someone back once you’ve broken up. Don’t take a cheater back. People can say all sorts of things but talk is cheap and he’s already demonstrated how he behaves when he’s with you.
Let go and move on. You’ll find someone that respects you and your relationship enough to be faithful.
You should consider not being friends with the guy because he sounds manipulative and he’s just going to keep pressuring you until you give in.
Not dating him is not a life and death situation. If he is threatening self harm you should tell a parent, either yours or his, because you are not qualified to help someone with that sort of mental health crisis. And most often when someone makes threats like that it is manipulation and not truth.
Whatever you do, please do not get back together with Tiger. It will not end well.
It is concerning that you are even considering getting back with him. He has cheated, lied and manipulated you. He has not changed. Threatening suicide to get together with someone is not okay.
If I were you, I would tell him in no uncertain
terms that you are not getting back together.
If you are seriously worried about him being suicidal (he’s probably not, it’s likely just manipulation) then you can disclose the suicidal messages to a trusted adult/teacher or to the police so they can check on his welfare and make appropriate mental health referrals if required.
Well, you’ve found an emotionally abusive relationship. Loving someone isn’t threatening to kill yourself if they leave.
Remember this and be aware of it for the future.
Also, cheaters are not known for changing. They have poor impulse control and are constantly chasing the high of a new relationship. Think of them as addicts, they can change but you’re going to go through a lot of hurt before they do. More hurt than you can imagine at your age.