I’ve grown up in a household where even the smallest inconveniences turned into loud and sometimes violent fights. I’ve never voiced my disagreements both at home and outside so I’m very timid and socially awkward. I pushed away all of my friends in my early teens when I started becoming self aware of my lack of social skills as I didn’t want to embarrass them. I was appreciated for being disciplined as I didn’t go through the teen rebel phase so I never attempted to grow and create an identity. I also became verbally aggressive to my parents after 16. I’m 18 now and find myself extremely anxious making simple conversations like that at the billing counter in shops or with a neighbour in the elevator (I wasn’t allowed to leave my house except to school unless accompanied by my parents). My school counselor was very judgemental and accused me of lying for attention because “God would never create such a family” and “family is always supportive” (It was a religious school). I’m out of there now.
Comments as basic as “start a conversation with: hello, how was your day” to more complex ones like how to set boundaries or hold someone accountable for their wrongdoings will be very helpful to me. Eli5.
Sorry for this very wierd and vague question, here’s a pizza slice for you, kind stranger: 🍕
2 comments
Sorry you’ve experienced this. 🙁 For boundaries I like to follow different insta accounts like @selfcare4u and @mh.advocates bc they sometimes list specific ways to say things more effectively, I also have an (inactive) mental health IG @obsidianawakening if you go there and look at all the accounts I follow there are a ton for mental health, empowerment, cptsd, adhd & autism. Even if you aren’t diagnosed w adhd or autism the information can be very helpful. Good luck!
Yo! you are the exact target audience of [captainawkward.com](https://captainawkward.com) – an advice site aimed at socially awkward people. The Captain has entire categories about communication and boundaries, so you might find some good stuff there.
A basic primer for starting a chatty conversation might be this:
1. start with a big, open-ended question like ‘what have you been up to this week?’ – that’ll get you a more in-depth answer than ‘how was your day’ which might just get you ‘good’, which doesn’t offer you as much to go on
2. listen to the other person’s answer, and decide which bit of it is the most interesting to you, then go deeper on that bit. so if for example they mention they went dancing, you can ask what kind of dancing, or how often they go, or how they chose what event to go to, or you can mention some part of your own history with dancing (or not dancing, if you are not a dancer) or literally whatever what they’ve said reminds you of
3. if whatever they say in return is a question, answer it, and then it’s their job to decide where to go next in the conversation (or you can add a question on at the end of your answer if there’s something you would be interested to know). if what they say in return is not a question, repeat from step 2 with whatever they say next, and keep looping steps 2-3 until the conversation is done.