Together 8 years. It’s been good. Shared interests, sense of humor, values, we try to take care of each other as best we can. If anything, our biggest problem is that we each prioritize the other’s happines over our own.
But I can’t discuss anything. I can’t give her the mildest negative feedback without her spiraling and catastrophizing. No matter how gently I talk to her, she questions why I would love somebody as horrible as she is, and gets upset that I’m going to leave her.
If I mildly disagree with her in the middle of a casual conversation, she apologizes and tells me that she’s stupid.
If I question ANYTHING in the mildest way even if it’s not negative, she apologizes like I’m abusive and I’m about to start beating her.
I’m getting fed up with all the times that something triggers her and then I have to sit in her uncomfortable silences while she stews over small things.
I’m clear, and direct when I communicate with her so she knows exactly where we stand, while she holds everything in and gets resentful. During difficult conversations, I have to extract her feelings while she downplays them and insults herself.
I end up responsible for both sides of the conversation. I have to advocate for both my side AND her side, because she won’t do it for herself and it’s exhausting. I used to put effort in these conversations because I wanted us to work through our problems, but now I would just rather leave it alone.
I’m concerned because at this point, for the first time I am considering breaking up with her. I call her less and I’d rather be home alone than have her come over. We’ve been together for the better part of a decade and she has been fiercely loyal and I trust her more than anybody else I’ve ever met. She’s my best friend.