My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and recently she has been hired to shoot porn with a company. She has done some photoshoots before, but if things go well she will be shooting videos with male actors as well. The money is excellent for the time and would be extremely beneficial, but I have a lot of anxiety. It comes out as me being supportive in some ways, but having a lot of intrusive thoughts as well which is confusing for her. This is also a big me problem that I’ve known about for a while, I will be starting medication for anxiety soon. I want to be as supportive as I can for her because the good outweighs the bad quite a bit, but I still have some reservations.
38 comments
Do you believe your relationship will survive if she takes this job?
If it is not for you, it is not for you. A lot comes with that decision. She just won’t be having sex with plenty of other people but she will also be seen online, anywhere anytime and with everything revealed.
Then comes the people who might recognize her when you are out in public, the shame, the praise, etc etc.
If money/financial is the main benefit but will worsen your health condition and life, it aint worth it.
But if you know you can handle all of those and many more, then by all means, be supportive of her and enjoy the benefits it brings.
You do not have to accept this. I wouldn’t, that would be a deal breaker for me. You shouldn’t have to take drugs to support her in this.
Your girl is about to get piped by other random men and come home to you.. Think about it seriously.
I wouldn’t blame your “not liking the idea of your girlfriend getting paid to have sex with stranger on camera” on your anxiety.
Your feelings are well deserved and valid.
Nothing wrong with your girlfriend doing it. And, nothing wrong with you not liking it.
Honestly, if this is the state of the situation/relationship, I do not see this lasting. And, although hard, that is okay if your lives are moving in two different directions.
This has nothing to do with being supportive. I love my wife and support her in all things. But, if she all of a sudden wanted an open relationship, I just wouldn’t start taking meds. That is not part of the deal we signed up for.
YMMV
Damn brother if you have to take meds for anxiety i don’t think this relationship is for you. Its still fresh (1.5 years) so you should end it.
My first advice would be don’t do it. In many cases it will break the relationship. Not necessarily because of jealousy, but because if she’s having sex every day at work, the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is to continue “working”.
Porn is acting, but even so, she is likely to get very sore down there from penetration, and also if she’s doing BJs her jaw will hurt. So when she’s having time off, she will definitely need a break, and she will definitely want it as well. Which again means that your sex life will suffer.
You should also be aware that having a girlfriend who does porn means not only strangers will see her, but there’s also a risk that people close to you will see her work. You’re probably fine with your friends seeing her, but how about your father? Your brother? Your coworkers? While your friends will probably think it’s hot and give you creds for dating a porn actress, coworkers and family might look down on you for “allowing” her to do other guys while in a relationship with you. You’ll likely come off as someone with no boundaries, and people will respect you less for it.
If you are still sure you can handle it, then go for it. For your anxiety, I suggest talking to her about your concerns.
Anyone that needs medication or therapy for their SO to do porn needs to let them know it’s just not ok in your mind. And that’s fine, most people would have that boundary. And to be real with you, the odds of your relationship lasting a long time if she takes this on is about nill. You think relationships are hard now? Add your gf getting railed by someone else every week.
Man… please think about this seriously. Your girlfriend is off to go get fucked by other men and put that online. How’s it gonna feel if you ever decide to jerk off and come across her getting railed on a porn site? And you know this, because you’re starting anxiety medication. Stand up for yourself. Walk away. Wake up and break up.
Dude break up.
You should not need to take medication because of your girlfriend’s career.
It’s one thing to do OF, it’s a completely different league to be fucked multiple times a day by other people.
And it’s okay to not be okay with that even if it’s going to hurt your girlfriend to say it.
Look up the show hot girls wanted. It’s either on netflix or amazon don’t remember. It says that these girls only last a few months to a year before they replace them. They put ads up and get tons of girls that want to work porn. Good looking girls. Let your girl know to save her money bc she chances are she won’t last long before the replace her
it is completely understandable that you dont want her to have sex with other people & have it possibly seen by many other people. i would not support my partner doing this no matter how much money it is. it is essentially an open relationship & if youre not 100% okay with it, you should break it off. maybe she’ll even change her mind abt doing it
You definitely don’t have to be okay with this at all and if it’s giving you such a hard time that you have to start taking meds then maybe you need to rethink this relationship. It’s not for everyone and that’s okay.
1. I don’t think you should start medication for anxiety if it hasn’t already been previously diagnosed.
2. Your gf should understand how you feel about it. She needs to think about if she would like this if it was the other way around and you were going around banging random women for money. I’m not sure she would like that. If she doesn’t care, then maybe you need think about what that means and how she feels about your guys’ relationship.
3. Most people wouldn’t be happy with their partner going into the porn industry, but especially a woman going into the industry. Women pornstars are often drugged, raped, beaten, etc. that people who watch porn don’t know, don’t see, or just don’t care about. Male pornstars are rarely subjected to the same kinds of abuse. I know she knows and understands this before signing up for this kind of life. It’s just the sad and disgusting truth about the industry as a whole.
There is literally nothing wrong with you. This is a terrible idea. It’s pretty well documented that the porn industry is garbage all around. Don’t be fooled.
Your feelings are valid and many comments say likewise. BUT, also consider that this will be HER money. I understand you’re probably sharing some expenses I guess but still, this would be money she’s making by herself so there’s no assurance you’ll always be a part of the benefits this brings. If she starts making much more money than you, then you’ll be also financially incompatible and that”s a real issue many people ignore.
If it ain’t for you, you end this bro. This shit certainly ain’t for me.
Ah buddy, spoiler alert, if you already feel this way, it’s not gonna get better.
If you aren’t into it, then you have to tell her. If she does it anyway, she’s not the girl for you.
Your significant other is about to get sauced by countless dudes for money and then come home to you after. Is she going to be able to give you what you need in that manner?
It sounds to me like you want to be very supportive , but not entirely on board , I suggest have a proper chat with her about this , and decide if it’s worth staying in this relationship
Run. While you can
i’ve worked in this industry and so have a good number of my closest friends. i fully support autonomy, but i’m telling you first hand: this industry is not for the faint of heart and it’s downright horrible all too often.. avoiding abuse and manipulation is practically impossible. it’s toxic at best and ruins peoples lives at worst
on top of this: don’t take drugs in order to cope with her professional decisions.. “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”
i’ve been through hell and back and i still would never
If you have to take medication for anxiety because a bunch of other guys with huge cocks will be fucking your girlfriend you should probably break up. Don’t put yourself through that.
Uh you don’t need to medicate yourself because you aren’t thrilled with your partner getting paid to have sec with strangers. That’s pretty normal, not anxiety.
My advice? If things are so bad that you need to start taking meds then I’d begin by removing the major sources of anxiety from your life. Stress is really unhealthy and anxiety can be difficult to deal with. It would not be worth the money for me.
Nobody is forcing you to deal with these situations and feelings, you can always choose to leave or assert your own boundaries. Not many guys would be okay with the idea of their gf getting boned by porn stars on the regular for the entertainment of others… So it’s totally ok if you’re having doubts. Perfectly normal and justified.
You’re allowed to tell her no. She can do it and you bail or she can not do it and you stay together. Those are options besides just accepting it.
Uhm yeah this isnt your anxiety. I think most people would not be ok that their partner is fucking or more persons on camera for money for the world to see.
She can do sex work and that is completely fine, but you having reservations and insecurities about this is not a “you problem.” I could not handle being with someone who does porn shoots with other people, like no thanks lol. Take some time to think about what you really want and how it makes you feel
Your anxiety over this is a totally normal feeling and I wouldn’t recommend you pushing it down with pills. I say this as someone who has a serious anxiety disorder.
Sounds like you’re not up for a relationship with a porn star, which is fine, as most men wouldn’t be. You can be supportive, but if it’s damaging your health, it’s not really beneficial to support her, while damaging yourself.
You don’t have to be okay with her decision. If it’s not for you, then you’re 110% within your rights to end the relationship if she decides she wants to do it
Being supportive doesnt generally mean to accept her each and every decision.
So you will start medication because your gf wants to be a pornstar?? This doesn’t sound very healthy.
Well ofc it’s her choice to be a pornstar, but you are not obligated to support her decision, if you don’t feel comfortable with it, then it’s over, no medication will make you feel alright about this situation. Secondly, for a healthy relationship both partners must enjoy sex, are you confident enough that you will meet her standards after the experience she will gain from professionals sex actors with long ding dongs??
You clearly don’t want this my guy.
From what I’m seeing in your responses, you’re just looking for validation here. End it sooner than later, it’s not going to get better if you’re already feeling this now. Those insecurities will increase over time. Move on, find a relationship that fits for you, and try to stay away from pornstars to the best of your ability.
Been there man, as someone also with anxiety I can tell you that if you do really want to commit to this girl, you’re going to have to endure a lot of pain.
There are going to be things she does/says/reacts with people she will never do with you, and she will tell you those things don’t matter and you and your relationship means more to her than any of that. But that spectre will be haunting your mind often.
The easy path (and maybe best for you) is to end the relationship now while it’s still early on. If you wanna keep it going you’re going to accept the fact there’s going to be something gnawing at you all the time
It’s completely reasonable to not be comfortable with this in a relationship, in fact if my s/o went into the porn I’d probably no longer be interested and break up. Most people aren’t okay with it for a reason.
A wouldn’t call it a “you problem.” You’re not in the wrong for not being okay with it. The majority of people wouldn’t be.
I don’t think you should just say okay and try to forget about it or write it off as general anxiety, you should really talk to her and figure out where you stand here. Because this might be terms for the relationship ending, as much as that sucks. Don’t force yourself to be “okay” with it when you know you really aren’t.