My wife has twin sisters who have very different values to her.
I observe that she very much treasures the relationship she has with her sisters, however she gets upset often as her sisters do not treat her with the same respect or kindness she shows them, or that which the twins show each other. In my opinion, she often gets bullied and punished by them – her mental health suffers as a result.
I don’t comment on her family as I do not feel like it’s my place to but my heart breaks to see her disappointed time and time again. I would like your opinion on what I am doing and to hear whether there is something more I can do for her.
Generally I listen to her vent and follow her lead on how she wants to interact with her sisters. Personally, I think she would be better off with having more distance from them and for her to build a different support system external to her family. I have not shared my thoughts as I don’t want to make the situation even more stressful for her and also because she hadn’t asked for my advice. As someone who has grown up in a toxic family and was oblivious to its toxicity until adulthood, I wonder if she is aware that this ill treatment should not be tolerated.
Do you have any advice on what I can do to help my wife? Thank you in advance
2 comments
Me? I would be honest and tell her how you feel. Communicate your thoughts and respect her decisions.
It’s okay to protect yourself and stop giving emotional support to your partner when it comes to relationships that you think are toxic. There are definitely topics where it is appropriate to say, “I’m sorry that you are going through that, and you know what my views on the matter are, but I can’t listen to you vents about it.”
I’ve had to do this a few times in my life, and I think it sent a very strong message. I don’t want to enable anyone’s negative cycle by offering the kind of reassurance that allows them to go back and get beaten down again.