My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now and his family has always been sketchy.
They often have poor social skills such as they don’t say hello, they perhaps unintentionally come across as very arrogant, they gossip badly about others, and when you talk to them they clearly think they’re better.
One thing that bothers them about me is that I’m 5’9” and my boyfriend is 5’7”. It has never bothered me or him, and a lot of his family is quite short (no offence) like my bf is the tallest in the entire family including cousins.
They always talk about me in their language and just look at me up and down like “wow you’re so tall” and one of the things they talk about is my height and my ethnicity. They don’t know I can understand.
They make comments like “why is she so tall?” “Oh what’s her background?” Or “she doesn’t look (blank) she’s far too pale” “the first thing I noticed is she’s sooooo tall. It’s very embarrassing.”
They’ve talked about how I’m embarrassing and not feminine because of my height. Sometimes in English, but mostly in their language. I can understand the language but can’t speak it.
I want to handle this in a classy way because tbh at this point I’m not trying to be their friends. I tried so hard to fit in this family and it’s just never worked out for me. I don’t gossip, I don’t put down the cousins they don’t like, and I don’t want to really engage with them cause of how they are. They made fun of me just for shaking their hand when I first met them.
How do I respond and defend myself in a polite way without looking like the villain? My bf says it’s just “observations” they make but tbh if it was just an observation then why are you speaking in farsi?
**TL;DR!** my bf’s family makes fun of me in their language for being tall and saying I’m not feminine and I can understand. Idk how to handle it without causing conflict. Bf says they’re just making observations.
4 comments
>I can understand the language but can’t speak it.
Learn to speak it so you can tell them you know exactly what they’re saying about you.
And then think long and hard about why you want to stay with someone who ALLOWS his family to talk shit about the woman he claims to love.
>My bf says it’s just “observations”
Your BF really sucks if he’s willing to write off your feelings and concerns like this. I’m sure your BF has been in their presence while they’ve made their comments about you.
Your BF has to nip their comments in the bud and no longer allow them to make mean comments about you. You defending yourself is necessary, but know that no matter how respectfully you defend yourself, you will look like the villain, *especially in your BF’s eyes if he still doesn’t understand why this bothers you so much*.
If your BF won’t defend you, then it’s a sign that his family’s behavior will continue, and maybe get worse. You’ll have to decide if that’s worth enduring.
Honestly… you shouldn’t stay with a person who won’t defend you when their family is treating you like crap.
Tell him you would like him to deal with his family’s rudeness.
It’s always best if each person handles their own family.
Also tell him that this is NOT “observations” but deeply offensive. Tell him there are a few choice “observations” that you could make about them, but *for now* you are too polite. But that politeness might not last unless he reins them in.
Mirror it back.
“Excuse me, I thought I heard you say that I’m embarrassing.”
(Look at them like that they have three heads)
“Because…. I’m tall.”
(Let the silence be deafening. Look at them like they have five heads)
It is not your duty to nip their narcissism in the bud, but if you are generally tired of them pushing you around, repeating to them the stupidity of what they are saying can be effective.