I feel like such a terrible mother because I want to leave my daughters father and I’ll take the privilege of them having 2 parents together.
I’ve been dating this guy for 5 years, and he continues to do things that I’ve communicated countless times. We had an argument the day on new years because for the first time in these 5 years I wanted to spend the day with my family and he wanted to be with his family at 12 and I wanted to be with mine. I am AWARE we could’ve spend it separately but I didn’t want that. We are a family of 4. I wanted to be with him, so that day he decided since both of us weren’t gonna get our way he said we were going to stay home and not go out. I explained to him how it wasn’t fair I think of him and his needs and he didn’t care I wanted to spend this year with my family. I said I always thought about his needs and it wasn’t fair he wasn’t treating me equally and he told me to just stop thinking about his needs so I am just lost. He spent the day with his family and I went as well but went home early that day. He got his way and didn’t think about that I wanted. So day after that, fast forward to today he’s treating me as if nothing happened. He’s just talking to me normal like basically a roommate. Sleeping in the living room and just doing his part as a dad. I’m tired of him acting this way, it shows he gives two fucks about fixing issues with me. If I don’t fix our problems he won’t move a finger and he’ll just rather act is if we’re okay but still treat me differently. I’m a SAHM as well and he’s been telling me more than a year later he’ll give me access to his bank account and it’s been more than a year and I’m tired of reminding him. I depend fully on him and I don’t even know how much money he has.
My toddler (2) adores him, she asks for him and is very attached to him. If I leave him, I have a feeling he’ll start focusing on himself and other women and my baby girls will be hurt and affected and how the hell am I supposed to fill that void 🙁
I don’t know if I should just suck it up and be with him because I’m so scared he’ll forget about them or only call them once in a while 🙁 this is very hard.
3 comments
No you shouldn’t be with him?? What kind of example is this for your daughter? That it’s okay to be with someone who treats you poorly under certain circumstances? I get it’s hard but come on!
Think of yourself more, don’t have an argument, have a fight instead. If he has any sense at all, he’ll see that you two can either solve the problem or you’ll drag it along for the next 30 years.
>I am AWARE we could’ve spend it separately but I didn’t want that.
Tough beans. Don’t be unreasonable. You can’t always get what you want. Gotta be an adult and get over it.
It’s OK to spend the day apart and plan another day where you can be together. There was zero reason to cause a fuss over the fact that you wanted to be with your family AND him and therefore he has to go completely without to appease you.
You are asking for advice and I think you threw a grown woman temper tantrum that was out of line.
What did you want him to do? You created an unresolvable issue. You created a no win situation for him. How can he fix this situation? You are the one that has to fix it by getting over it. Because this exact issue I believe you were in the wrong. He can’t fix that.
Also you aren’t married. So why on earth would you have the expectation that he open his finances to you? And that goes for you too. Why would you want to open your finances to someone you aren’t married too? I would tell you both to protect yourselves and not do that.
It seems like you guys playing married when you aren’t. So that’s creating an issue right there. You moved in with a guy and had kids with a guy you aren’t legally connected too. That is 100% your choice, no judgment, you get to do what you want, but you also have to accept the consequences to that.
At least on your part I see you creating a lot of immature conflict, setting him up to fail and creating lose/lose situations for the two of you. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t also contribute to lack of communication or that he’s perfect.
The money thing, if he was your HUSBAND he’s in the wrong. He’s not. If you want financial security you have to provide it for yourself when you aren’t married because he has no legal obligation to you at this point. I don’t say that to be mean, just practical.
So now you have to decide. Do you want to continue this and be married to a guy like this? If not then your decision is there.