Advice on straight friend masturbating to my body as I was sleeping

Super confusing situation with my straight guy friend

Tw – potential sexual assault

TLDR; my straight friend who I’m crushing on masturbated in bed next to me while looking at my body while he thought I was sleeping. The next day he refused to cuddle with me because that’s too romantic and sexual for platonic friends to do. Super confused and honestly now feel used.

So I’m in a really weird place with my straight guy friend who we’ll call K for this story. We’re both in our mid twenties. We met at the beginning of university and really hit it off because of our shared interests and travel plans.

I unintentionally caught feelings for him as our relationship developed and struggled with that for a while, as there was flirtation from both sides and the topic of sex came up very regularly. He was sending some mixed signals my way, sometimes hinting that he might be down to have sex with me but nothing ever actually happened. He knew I was trans (ftm) early in our friendship and that I’m gay. K treats me more like a girl/friend than one of the ‘bros’; asks me dating advice, compliments me, lots of hugs and touches and teasing.

After a few months of pining after K and getting semi rejected when sex would possibly be on the table I decided enough was enough and tried to push those feelings down and continue a regular friendship with K, cutting down on my flirting and being more firm with my boundaries if he was being too touchy or flirty. I also started to distance myself and hang out with other people.

After Christmas break we were the only ones in town so we spent 3 full days together at my place; cooked, played video games and generally just chilled. During the first night he mentioned casually that he’d be down to try a threesome with a trans person and that he found femboys (which I consider myself as) attractive. This came out of no where, as he’s always been firm that he’s only attracted to cis women. This brought all those feelings I pushed down back up as I thought I now had a chance, and it was kinda weird timing to mention something like that as we planned on sleeping in the same bed that night.

Nothing happened that night, but the second night I woke up after a couple hours and could tell that he was masturbating beside me. I was only wearing underwear with my ass in plane view, not under the covers, and when I snuck a glance he was sitting up beside me with the covers over his lap staring right at my body. I was kinda flattered, and confused about this sudden new development, but also really anxious because I was worried he was going to try to have sex with me when he knew I was sleeping, and I didn’t think he was the type of guy to do that. I pretended i was sleeping and when I went back under the covers he stopped. I wanted to be sure I was right about what was happening so about 20 min later I pretended to push the blankets off of myself in my sleep and he rolled over and started again, even moving the blankets slightly so he’d have a better view.

In the morning I felt kinda weird about the situation, but again also flattered because I had these feeling for K and this confirms that he feels something, at least sexually for me too.

That day we planned on going to his house to watch a movie today and I brought stuff with me assuming I was staying the night as he just stayed 2 nights at mine. I acted like nothing happened last night and so did he, I believe he thought I was asleep the whole time and non the wiser. Once at his he mentioned something about when I left tonight back to my place and expressed that I didn’t really want to walk all the way home tonight and thought I was going to sleep in his bed tonight. I drank a bit and mentioned that I was looking forward to cuddling tonight because he only has a twin bed, and he said he’d rather me just go home because his beds so small and he didn’t want to be that close to me. To him cuddling is too romantic and sexual to just do with platonic friends. This pissed me off because obviously what he was doing last night was not platonic in anyway.

Now I feel gross and used sexually because he isn’t actually interested in me, my (biologically female) body only satisfied his urges that I guess he couldn’t control that night. I have no idea how to go about my friendship with him now because I’m just so confused and honestly kinda disgusted with his actions. I’m not sure if he’s sexually confused, or what, but I’ve never had such a whirlwind of emotions in such a short time period and I just need advice or at least had to get this situation off my chest.