I kind of look at sexual chemistry with another person on a spectrum. There are some people I have none with, some I have a bit with, some I have a good deal with, and some I have all encompassing connection, desire and chemistry with.
What decides this? What causes this? For context, I met a man last summer that I got along fine with, but the chemistry was absolutely through the roof – I had never experienced such a strong pull before.
There’s nothing about him that really sets him apart, in large, from any of the other guys I’ve dated.
So what gives?
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There are quite a few competing or complimentary theories.
You are genetically compatible and it creates some sort of hypersexual response. – Various researchers have pointed to a multitude of signaling characteristics including: chemical(pheromone) signals, genetic physical traits etc. Nothing is conclusive.
You sense a personality trait, positive or negative, which leads to a greater degree of attraction. People that are attracted to negative/dark personality traits typically describe an undeniable and overwhelming connection to partners that are toxic, destructive, or predatory. There are competing theories as to why, but it seems to be about a pattern of self-destructive or chaotic behavior.
You are excessively horny when you first meet a particular individual and your brain replicates the signals in successive meetings. Also tied to high pleasure sexual experiences. (They were good in bed. You desire a repeat performance.)
They display a general pattern of your preferred type. i.e. They look like or behave like your favorite kind of person.
A combination of all of the above.
??? – Attraction science is relatively young and there is much we don’t know.