I’m 23, she’s 22. And I wasn’t clear that her bio said she’s a mom but I thought I’ll just give it a shot. Even though I never want someone with a kid yet. We went on a couple dates and I already like her. The only thing is I’m young and she is to and she has full custody over her kid. But at the same time I still want to see her but still this thing over my head like dang she has a one year old son. I know she doesn’t want me or him to meet for a long time. I just want it to be us for awhile. Also I don’t know how to tell my parents or just my mom because they’re both against that pretty much. I’m still in college and working full time. She really likes me from what she says so I’m afraid to just break it off if its worrying me.
TLDR: I am worried that this might now workout but we both are interested in each other and I’m afraid to announce it to my parents. Feels weird and not right for some reason.
8 comments
Not wanting kids right now is fair. But it sounds like she doesnt want you anywhere near her kid.
Its a yes or no kind of situation. Dont string her along because you cant make a decision.
You wanna be step dad? If not , break up.
“I never want someone with a kid yet” you should’ve stuck to your guns instead of potentially wasting her time.
Also, even if it worked out you’re way too young to be playing step dad. You also do know how in the picture the real dad is. You’re setting yourself up for failure. Millions of single, childless choices for you out there.
Focus on finishing college, keep your mind on your bank account , if you’re going to date or stop n go, look for options that don’t come with baggage.
Save her a whole lot of more heartbreak and time and just walk away now, poor girl has already been through enough.
She comes as a package just like my partner did he came with a son who I then had to step up to the plate and become his mum because his bio mother wasn’t a good person, out of choice my step son asked me to be his mum, it was hard ngl but you know what? I couldn’t imagine not being his mum he’s an amazing kid and I’m so lucky to be his mum this kid had been through more than most adults and still manages to smile, he’s an inspiration.
You got to accept them as a set, you got to understand her kid will ALWAYS be her priority and come first no matter what and that’s exactly how it should be that’s a good parent.
If she’s the one it’ll all work out if not then it won’t. Just be honest with her that’s all women want, yes it may hurt but atleast they know the truth instead of being played with.
Also she needs someone who isn’t going to be worried their parents or others may think she needs someone by her side who won’t judge nor alow others to.
Best of luck
The reason she doesn’t want you to meet her child is so they don’t get attached to someone who is going to leave. However, this can also be counterintuitive in situations where the other person WANTS to be a step parent and is 100% sure they want to be in the mom and child’s life. This is a forever commitment. Even if you broke up, once you get to know the child, you’re a parent figure to that person. The fact you state you like her because it almost seems like she doesn’t have one is a huge red flag. Don’t waste her time or her child’s time if you aren’t planning to take this very seriously.
This may not be much of an advice, but hear me out. Assess yourself first. Imagine yourself in a happy relationship with her, imagine the long walks, the meals you two will be having, the uncontrollable laughter at the silliest things, the moments of silence where your hands will do the talking, the kisses that will squeeze hours into seconds, the moments when time will suddenly stop as you look at her smile. And now look at yourself and the negative things you feel with the kid in the picture. Will all those happy moments be worth building and maybe get torn down because you can’t deal with the kid? Or is it maybe better to not know how happy you will be one moment just to lose that happiness the next? Don’t get me wrong, the way you feel about her having a kid is totally acceptable.
This is the time Alfred Lord Tennyson’s “Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all” is put to the test.
You’re young, but this kind of scenario is what shapes your character and your heart.
Best of luck to you both.
If you’re not ready to be a step dad then break it off now. You need to remember that there’s an extremely impressionable little boy in the mix. Can’t screw him around while you get your shit together. I know that sounds harsh but once he grows attached to you, it’s a whole other thing if it falls apart. I couldn’t have done it at your age and it sounds like your instincts are telling you the same thing.
I was a single mother for several years before I met my husband, and dating was horrible. I would meet guys like you who don’t want kids, and they would tell me from the first meeting, and I respected that. Those guys just wanted fwb, and that was fine. After being married to a POS, I didn’t want anything serious.
Then there are the ones that say they don’t care that I have a kid and things are good in the relationship. I would let them around my son, and they would be great with my son. My son would get attached, and then boom, the guys makes some excuse to break up. It sucks trying to explain to your son that ‘Brad’ wouldn’t be at his game like he had promised because of whatever lie you make up to make sure he doesn’t think it’s him.
Be honest with her now to save you and her heartbreak. If you don’t want kids yet, then stay away from single mothers regardless of the custody situation. Single mothers come with a lot of baggage, and I’m not talking about the child.