I posted here yesterday but today I have come to terms with how shitty I feel.
I recently ended it with my ex gf of 2 years. I barely even felt that wounded if I’m honest because I’ve learned people come & go, people don’t always get on, had my heartbroken before – and so on.
However, a girl I knew reasonably well and I started speaking more. The end of my relationship was also easier because I really did like this girl a lot and it was cool to begin to speak to each other without having a girlfriend. So we agreed to spend the weekend together (we’d spent time together before but always completely platonic never thought of it, but always obviously thought she was beautiful and fun).
We went for drinks one day, then a day trip the next. Reddit I hate to exaggerate, but I think I had the best day of my life. I’ve never just gotten on so well with someone, laughing all day and just absolutely loved it. I fell so hard so quickly. I already knew I liked her but now I love her (it feels).
However I couldn’t shake off the anxiety that we are/were just friends, so I made my intentions clear. She informed me she loves my company but isn’t looking for a relationship and she feels bad for potentially leading me on. We’d been flirty, even some physical touch (like constantly brushing each other’s leg and arm etc).
It sounds pathetic, but in 27 years I’ve never dealt with this feeling of rejection. I can’t stop torturing myself thinking about her because I was so sure, and now I know it will never be.
I’ve ended probably 4-5 relationships where I’ve probably made someone else feel like this, so maybe it’s karma. But honestly I can’t even sleep or eat I feel absolutely pathetic. I had to remove her from everything on my phone already because I can’t stop thinking about her.
The friendship is obviously ruined, but I have to continue seeing her. She doesn’t feel awkward even though I secretly feel ruined. I teach an exercise class 2x per week that she will continue coming to with a smile on her face.
I know what needs to be done. Focus on yourself king and all of this. But wow this hurts.
5 comments
I think she’s messing with you. You don’t spend all day with someone you’re not interested in. Maybe she decided while you were hanging out that she wasn’t as into you as she thought. Or maybe she’s playing the long game and doesn’t like that you professed your feelings so soon.
I wouldn’t have made my intentions clear. Women may say they admire men being up front with their feelings and intentions, but they don’t actually respond well to it. They respond better to adventure, fun, and wit. I bet you could have fucked her if you didn’t get all feelings oriented.
Sorry to hear about your breakup. Other fish in the sea! Keep swimming and just date casually.
Visualize her changing her mind and hitting on you. Would you give her a chance? As long as the answer is ‘yes’, you didn’t get her out of your system. Work towards the ‘no’. This will take time and you would need to devalue her (which is in fact just looking at her the way she really is, not how you want her to be).
Yupp…. you made a rookie mistake…. and I know this is a generalization!!! In my experience, the female likes to be the one that “decides and professes” that she has the feels when she is ready. Broad siding her with a profession of love before she is sure she felt that way is a going to spook her every time…. You jumped the gun bro trying to go straight from friend to love…. In the future let it build up to what it becomes without trying to force it!
Ok, so I had something similar but on a smaller time scale. Just research Avoidant attachement style and it will all make sense.
It’s easier said than done… But try to foster the mindset that your partner having genuine interest in you, and actually being in a mental state / life circumstances to follow through with it, is just as important a factor as how much you like them and their qualities.
Someone who likes you a lot, but you don’t find them attractive? Obviously not a real relationship prospect!
Someone who you like a lot, but doesn’t reciprocate? Equally not a real prospect.