This is a bit of a complex situation. I have known a girl for about 20 years (we dated in college). We were in a relationship for 5 years. We kept in contact and are very good friends. Me met up several times over the years and talked all the time. I have been spending the weekends with her on and off for about 4 months. I understood that she had to be in contact with her ex boyfriend because they have an infant. This hasn’t been a problem and she would never really mention me to avoid stress. They split 9 months ago and since her and i have been hitting it off.
Recently we got closer and i have been spending more time with her. We also became more intimate. I spent a week with her and overhead their conversations. He mentioned instead of seeing the kid one day he wanted to see her Thursday and Friday. He is far which implied he would spend the night. She later asked me to give her some space for a bit and go home.
We talked about some particulars and it was found that the ex was still wanting to be with her and they actually were still getting it on once in a while. She says she hates him, is going to court, and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer.
I want to stay close with her because we are very close. I am feeling relationship vibes and really want to be with her. She stated she wanted to consider it but she wanted to maintain her independence.
Part of me wants to leave something behind when i leaves so he knows there is a guy in her life. I want him to know so he doesn’t get dragged like i am. I dont want confrontation but think its in order. What should i do besides giving up? How should i directly or indirectly give him some food for thought?
2 comments
You are discovering that your partner has seen someone else can be challenging and painful. If you have evidence that your partner has been seeing someone else, it’s essential to approach the situation carefully and consider the best way to handle it.
First, you must process your feelings and think about what you want and need. It might be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or trusted friend to help you work through your emotions and to make a plan for how to proceed.
Next, open and honest conversation with your partner about your worries is essential. It’s necessary to approach the discussion respectfully and stay calm, even if you feel hurt or angry. It might be helpful to have the conversation in a private setting where you can speak candidly without worrying about being overheard.
It’s also important to be prepared for the possibility that your partner may deny the allegations or may become defensive. It’s essential to stay focused on your feelings and needs rather than getting caught up in an argument or blame game.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner and to work together to find a resolution that works for both of you. If you feel your relationship is no longer healthy or fulfilling, it may be necessary to consider ending it.
I hope this helps.
Feel free to reach out to me if I can help you further.
Good luck!
Kind regards,
Cumhur
It sounds like she hasn’t even agreed to formally start a relationship with you, never mind an exclusive one. It’s not your place to “let other guys know” that’s she’s seeing someone. You have no idea what she’s telling this other guy and if she didn’t agree to exclusivity with either of you, she’s not doing anything wrong. If she already feels pressured into seeing him and having sex with him then you may even be putting her in danger.