Ex Bf(22M) refuses to delete any of my(18F) nudes. It’s scaring me to death.

24 comments

1. So it depends in which country you are. In germany there was a case like that that went to court and it was decided that the womans personal rights trump the mans ownership rights of the fotos. I don’t know how this is in your country but in germany you are now required to delete nudes of your partner if they ask you to.

   So the right thing to do here iw to actually see a lawyer. You might be able to have him write a cease and desist letter. While that might not be the most powerful legal instrument, for most people it will be frightening enough to recieve that, that they would rather delete the pictures instead of getting actual legal problems. You could start writing him an official letter before going to a lawyer if you do not have the money.

   Did he threaten to share them? If he did that you might even be able to go to the police and it might be possible that they will start an investigation and I think most people would just delete the pics once an officer rings their bell.

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3. I’m sorry but there’s nothing you can do unless they leak. Let this be a lesson to you *don’t do something if you aren’t comfortable with it*. Don’t include your face. Your ex didn’t “earn” shit from you, but at the same time you can’t demand that he delete those picture either since you sent them willingly. Clearly your ex is a pos, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but just know if he leaks those photos you can send him to jail (potentially) because it is illegal to do that.

4. He has nude pictures of a minor on his phone? What is the age of consent in your state? Are there laws against child porn or endangerment in your state? Should they ever leak, his life in the foreseeable future could be quite done. Remind him of that if you need to — suggest the local DA will be by to ask some questions.

   And learn something about your own privacy — take control of your own actions and who you elect to be with.

5. The only thing that’s in your control hear is to accept and learn.

   Hard pill to swallow but no one should expect someone NOT to share nudes being sent to them, girlfriend or otherwise.

6. actions have consequences, who wouldve thought

7. Interesting suggestion in here, tell his mom. Do you have a good relationship with her, do you think she would listen and empathize with you? As a woman, if I had a son doing this to a girl, I’d OBLITERATE him. Hopefully she’s the kind of mother who wants her son to respect women and will smack some sense into him. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

8. Just drop it, there’s nothing you can do to force this. And being a dick abiut it won’t make it better. If he actually wanted to keep them he could just say “I deleted them when we broke up” but he just wants to pass you off

9. If he uses those pictures it is revenge porn and yes its illegal.

10. This is actually illegal. Get a lawyer if you have to.

11. Stop sending nudes. When pictures are sent you lose control over how they are used. Yes you can go the legal route but how effective and time consuming is that. Please don’t sent any more nudes to anyone. If they want to see you let them see you in person. Tell them to take a mental picture!

12. I feel like you posted this in the wrong sub, you’re not asking for advice if you keep refuting everything everyone says. Bottom line: there is nothing you can do if you don’t go a legal route and that route is only viable if he does do anything that you can catch. This is just going to have to be a learning curve for you to not take nude images with your face involved. He’s under no obligation to delete them, they were not taken or distributed under illegal methods, and there’s no proof he’ll do anything with them that’s illegal.

13. Well you take it to your parents and the police.
    Tell them that he has taken non consensual images of you and you believe he will distribute them and you’ve exhausted all avenues in getting him to delete them.

14. Maybe pretend to take him back… Then delete them yourself, if you can, permanently, and then break up again.

    IF he posts them anywhere or shares them, he can be charged with revenge porn, so there’s that small comfort at least.

15. I just read some excellent suggestions below and I’d like to reiterate: First, threaten him with legal charges if he distributes, copies, or shares those pictures with ANYONE. Revenge Porn charges. Then, ABSOLUTELY TELL HIS MOTHER and ask her to help you get him to delete them. And tell her what he said about liking little kids, too. Tell her that’s why you broke up with him and he’s creeping you out and being really controlling and he took naked pictures of you after coercing you.
    There is absolutely no reason not to handle it this way. I am 34 years old. Nearly 2x your age. Trust me when I say this is THE WAY to handle it. If his Mom tries to push back at ALL (which is HIGHLY UNLIKELY) tell her you will be contacting police to file charges against him if even one of those pictures is leaked. You can even lie to her and say you were 17 in a couple of them, just to get her freaked out enough to go nuclear on his ass and force him to delete them.

16. Unfortunately unless he’s dumb enough to provide evidence of him dispensing them to other people he is free to do whatever he wants with them. It’s just a consequence and risk with sending explicit photos. Take it as a life lesson and be weary of older guys trying to get with younger girls like you. I swear I say this shit every other day on this subreddit, but literally you are a textbook example of why older men get in relationships with naive girls. They are inexperienced and vulnerable enough to make a mistake like this and send nudes to someone who you clearly could not trust.

    From now on, you’re definitely gonna think twice about sending photos from this experience and that’s literally the whole point of why this subreddit warns about age gap relationships. As a young person you lack experience and make dumb choices occasionally, now you’re a slightly less naive teenager and will hopefully walk away from this with more experience and caution. I wish I could scream this into the head of every young person out there being pursued by older men/women because the line between being preyed upon and pursued upon is very fucking thin.

17. Tell him that revenge porn is illegal and you will press charges if he even thinks about posting anything. And then fuck his world with criminal charges if he does.

18. So he’s 100% trash. No means no. I’m uncomfortable means no. Please don’t is no. So the next time you tell a man any of those and he ignores them, run.

    Unfortunately there’s probably not much you can do UNTIL he does something with them and you can file a police report claiming revenge porn. Block him everywhere. Never communicate again. He’s using this as an excuse to keep you hooked. If he finds a way to threaten you after blocking save that shit as evidence. And tell him you don’t care, you’re going to pose nude for some local art classes anyway so it’s not a big deal to you. That’s a lie but he won’t know.

19. If you get him to delete them make sure he empties his trash/recently deleted folder as well

20. Even if you weren’t a minor, tell him you lied about your age, and you’re reporting him for child porn.

21. Call the police and tell them you were a minor and he won’t delete your nudes. Then call him informing him what you did. Enjoy.

22. Earned them my Foot. Tell his mother, or lore him to his mothers house without giving a reason and then tell her and force him to delete them right in front of you. Check his messages, hidden folder, files. Everything.

23. Call the police in his city and explain the situation. Ask if there is anything they can do. If they can’t then idk maybe you’re stuck but they might be able to help. And you don’t have to give them your info if you don’t want. They’re your best resource for options

24. A) Claim you were a minor in all future txts. Just pretend you were and report it.

    B)find and take his phone. There’s nothing legal you could do preventatively.