I’m literally shaking. I read so much AITA posts about family quarrels, I just never imagined it will actually happen to me.
Background info: I’ve (23f) been with my boyfriend (27m) for three years now. I wholeheartedly believe he’s the most compatible partner. We never argue, except when it comes to his mom. He still lives with her in her big mansion because she is third-time divorced and super dependent on him. I live 40mins away from him and I visit him on the weekends. We have plans to get married.
I always had my issues with her since the beginning of the relationship. She always says she wants us to be a family, but she never does anything to make me feel welcomed. I feel she doesn’t treat me as a human being, more like an object. She NEVER once referred to me by my name, only xxx’s girlfriend or girl. Whenever I’m around her, I feel like I’m invisible, like I’m a little pet just tagging along my bf because she only talks to him.
I buy her gifts every single holiday, perfume or full sets of Dior makeup, and buy her flowers whenever she invites my bf and I out to dinner. However, when she went to my hometown and visited my parents for the first time, she brought a piece of thrifted jewelry in an used box for my mom. But she is insanely superficial and kept on bragging about her wealth to my parents. Her bragging is so cringe and I couldn’t stand it.
Moving forward, she never wants to make small talk with me or chat about my life. Whenever we talk, she ONLY talks about our marriage plans and how she wants me to treat her son well: “don’t just be his gf, you have to be his maid, his mom, and his lover altogether”. Or things like “you guys don’t live together yet, so I don’t trust you can live life well, so you have to sign a prenup”. She claims that she knows my dad, and says my dad doesn’t care about his daughter at all, only care about his sons (my brothers). And that my dad only wants to “sell his daughter” into marriage and get rid of me. This is not true at all, so utterly disrespectful and a crazy mindset. My dad spent so much effort to raise me, I didn’t come here to get roasted or ignored by my bf’s mom every single weekend. It’s these kind of small details that piles up over time.
Yesterday, I finally couldn’t take it and vented to my bf. He then told his mom about my frustrations, trying to make her see my side of things. She blew up. She sent my dad 500 voice messages fully yelling and cursing.
I’m losing my mind. I don’t wanna lose the love of my life. But I cannot stand his mom one second more. When I see her I wanna kill myself.
9 comments
Girl, don’t waste your time. It’ll never work.
Unless your boyfriend plans to move out and never speak to his mother again this relationship has no future. Being in sync on how to deal with in-laws is Marriage 101 stuff and if you can’t even manage this as non marital partners it’s not going to get any better with marriage. In fact it only gets worse. So maybe think about not pouring so much of yourself into something so destined to fail.
Tbh I don’t know why she doesn’t welcome me. I feel like she sees me as a threat. A girl with a strong personality that’s pulling her son away from her. Maybe she wants an obedient person and is trying to manipulate me.
But my bf is spending a lot of time trying to convince her. It will be very sad to give up on this relationship due to something he can’t totally control. Is there anything else we can do to salvage it? Or is the break up inevitable?
He’s dating her, not you. He could dump her, but he’s not going to.
A three time divorced woman giving advice on marriage, ironic. Your bf is going to have to make a choice or your relationship will end.
ETA thank you for the award kind stranger!
If he wants this to work with you, he needs to move the hell out of there, which he should do anyway. Sounds like emotional incest on her part. If so, and he realizes this, it’ll make a huge difference and he’d probably be motivated to move out if he isn’t quite there yet.
You’re being a jerk to your parents by putting them in the position where they have to take shit from this woman. Your bf doesn’t have a spine to stand up to her and I’m sorry to sound harsh but you don’t have a spine either right now.
Never let anyone disrespect you and your family, for anyone or anything. You’re sacrificing your dignity and the dignity of the people who raised you, for what? You’re lowering yourself by putting up with this.
You say he’s the love of your life, but for that to be true, you have to trust each other, stand up for each other, put each other first. It’s not enough to just feel in love. If he has seen you being disrespected like this for so long and hasn’t shut it down, he’s not the love of your life. He won’t fight for you. He isn’t respecting you or putting you first. He’s loving you as long as it’s convenient. He’s loving you as long as you don’t try rocking the boat.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you you should be a maid for a man.
BF needs therapy to get out of the fog, or you breakup!!
Twenty seven and living with his mom? SMH. He’s a scrub.