I can never make my mind up on this one. My wife has access to, and regularly uses my email, including reading stuff i’ve sent to others. She happily takes my phone and uses it for certain things. on occasion she’ll text or email people pretending to be me, which I don’t like, but I put up with, to avoid the argument. She has access to all of my accounts of everything everywhere if she likes, nothing is locked down, or hidden away. I don’t normally mind any of this stuff. However on occasion I find myself curtailing when might say on social media, or being careful about a post on reddit as I can’t be bothered with the judgy comments that may or may not follow.
More recently though, I’ve been wanting to start writing my life story, but can’t think where to save it; can’t use word, she uses my computer, can’t use google docs, she can see that. There is some personal stuff that I know i will hold back on due to the possibility of it being read by her. Which puts me off even starting, as I see it as a pointless task if it’s not going to be true to me.
What are peoples thoughts on privacy? Should we all be entitled to a little bit? or if you have nothing to hide, should you accept it shouldn’t be needed.
13 comments
I think this is a personal thing. You have the right to your privacy, even in marriage.
I think you’re entitled to privacy. I don’t feel great about her pretending to be you. Does she express concern about not knowing what you’re up to online? Is there a reason she does this?
You can use word and put a password on a file and on a document.
>Should we all be entitled to a little bit?
Absolutely, and she is **way** out of line. Especially texting or emailing people pretending to be you… But even just going through and reading all of your conversations. It’s not just about your privacy, it’s also the privacy of anyone you’re communicating with who may not be comfortable with your wife reading everything.
My husband and I technically have access to each other’s phones, email, etc just because we don’t bother locking each other out of it… but that’s also because neither of us ever abuse it. Aside from the occasional “I’m driving, can you check that for me?” we’ve never gone through each others shit because there’s no need to.
Privacy is defined within the relationship. I assume you have access to all her stuff and use it. If not its a huge red flag.
>on occasion she’ll text or email people pretending to be me, which I don’t like, but I put up with, to avoid the argument.
Have the argument, This needs to stop immediately. Its unfair to anyone who communicates with you.
If you need a private space, say so and create one. Get an account she does not have access to, or password protect directories and use those. If she tries to get into them have the fight.
End of the day if you want something you have to stand up for yourself. Do so
Everyone deserves some private space, even in a marriage.
You have a lot of options:
1) create a new Google account and work on a google doc there. Do Not Share the password with your wife. Each phone number can make up to 10 separate google accounts.
2) create a new user on your computer and lock the access to that ‘s files.
3) install a linux dual boot and work from there. Do not give your wife the admin password or even tell her about any private users you create on it.
4) buy a paper journal and hide it in a locked space.
5) make a windows, macOS, or linux VM using one of the free VM tools like virtual box, and as with 2) or 3), keep the login IDs private.
She’s completely out of line, particularly with texting people pretending she’s you 😳😳 that’s not normal. You are entitled to privacy and tell her this.
I would save your work to a usb drive and keep it a secret. The thing is that if she is computer savvy then she will be able to see the file name in the recently used files but wont be able to access it unless the drive is plugged in.
My husband doesn’t lock his phone and he knows my computer passwords. Nothing is hidden but I also have no desire at all to look at his private conversations and he never looks at mine. There’s a fine line between access and prying. I sometimes grab his phone if I see a text come in from one of our kids etc. but I don’t go deep diving into his search history or archived messages. I have a personal journal saved to my Google Docs and he would never attempt to read it out of respect for me. We have complete trust and hide nothing but that doesn’t mean we have no respect for one another. There’s a fine line and your wife seems to be crossing it.
-Stealth mode on phone.
-Create new (secret) gmail account.
-Find a online diary, stored online, join.
-Write everyday.
-Enjoy.
I did not cease to be my own person because I’m married. My wife can ask for access to anything and vice versa but if the answer is no, then that is the end of it.
It’s not about having anything to hide, it’s about not wanting to share everything. At least not until I’m ready to share it. I’m not always in a place where I want anything going beyond me. I’m a private person. If she leaves me alone with things long enough I’ll eventually show her or give her access to whatever she want to see or talk about.
Forcing me to share everything all the time is the quickest route to me wanting to share nothing ever.
You should have your own space that is entirely yours. It’s healthy to have your own spaces and places to retreat to.
This is ridiculously invasive. The biggest problem is now that you’ve let it get this far anything you try to do privately or keep from her she will freak out about. Her pretending to be you and reading your sent messages is beyond stalkerish. I would seriously divorce someone this invasive and creepy.
Texting people as you (without your consent) would be where I would absolutely draw the line. She’s your wife, not your keeper. You’re absolutely entitled to boundaries and privacy. But what are you worried for her to see/read?
You’re entitled to privacy, even from a wife. The fact that she regularly messages people while pretending to be you definitely raised my eyebrows, thats really odd and crosses some boundaries. I’d get an app that you can write in and lock her out with a pin.
Edit for spelling