*****update- I woke the broad up out of her sleep and in short, told her she’s a raging piece of shit for what she did. Broke up with her with a smile on my face. Walked out a new man. Thanks for the confirmation of what I already knew I needed to do. On to the next one! ✌️ *******
I’m going to be as transparent as possible with my thoughts as well as the facts. Please don’t bash. Just want opinions/advice. TYIA!
I(32m) have been dating my girlfriend(33) for the past 5 months. During this time it has been nothing short of fun, exciting, full of love, communication, and adventure. We have a great and healthy sex life. We are both recently divorced with kids and this is both of our first relationships since the divorces.
We have been traveling all over the state every other weekend checking out monuments, restaurants, bars and concerts. This past weekend we ended up going to a bluebonnet festival then to a country concert. Had a great time. After the concert we headed out to a popular country bar and ran into the band that played earlier in the night. We shared some drinks with them, socialized for an hour or so with the band members, then headed back to the hotel. When we got to the hotel I noticed she was texting someone(2:15am) and asked her who she was talking to. She hesitated and told me it was one of the band members. We got into an argument over it in which I packed my stuff and headed toward my vehicle. I tossed my stuff in the truck and went back to the room(less than 3 minutes from leaving the room) to find the room empty. She left with the band guy. 2 hours later as I’m on the road, she texts me,”I need help.” Maybe with a lapse in better judgement, I turned around and picked her up from his hotel. She initially lied and said nothing happened but later partially admitted that she woke up naked and didn’t recall all of the events(due to large amounts of alcohol), so probably hooked up with him.
She states she loves me, that I give her the world, that she spoke to her family about it after the fact and told them that she messed up one of the best things that’s ever happened to her(her mom corroborated this to me). She blames the incident on her lack of self respect due to trauma from her last marriage(unwanted open relationship). We have been cordial since the incident and are dating but at a distance. She is staying away from alcohol as it seems that she has done things like this in her past relationship only when drinking. I’m not drinking as I’m trying to be supportive of her while she chases down her past to try to resolve whatever is going on.
With all that said, I’m not the type to ever forgive over something like this with anyone else. I would have drawn the line and walked away. She is different, we have an amazing connection, we have fun no matter the environment, we set goals together and I do see a great future with her if this problem is resolved. Am I being naive by taking her back?
35 comments
Your connection is so perfect she cheated the first chance she got and used you as a ride home.. I hate this for you but grow a back bone. It WILL happen again
Yes. You’re enabling her by the excuse she was drunk. Been my experience that cheaters continue to cheat after they get away with it. Alcohol makes our inhibition come to the front. Get out now before she does it again
She can go to hell. Have some self respect. There isn’t a woman shortage in the world.
I am not going to judge but she has a lot of issues and she needs to fix them before she is in any kind of relationship, the logical thing would be is to move on and find someone else, if she can hook up with some random band member when you are gone for 3 minutes that is a major red flag, at this point the trust is gone and when the trust is gone the relationship is dead.
Sounds like you were just her rebound relationship and she still wants to do some exploring. If you do want to try to make it work with her which I highly don’t recommend, make sure you both get tested since she probably fucked him bareback.
Naive indeed. She’s showing you who she is. It’s not because of her lack of self respect, she has no self control. Wake up, wake the fk up. She’s gonna end up doing it again and you’ll want to blame her again but it’ll be YOUR FAULT. She ain’t loyal, why ignore that? SMH
For me, cheating is the end, no excuses. Really though you need to decide for yourself if you could possibly get past this. Think for a while and imagine yourself in say, 5 years time. You’ve stayed with her and she has stayed away from alcohol and never cheated again. Could you forget about this incident? Now think of that same scenario except you’ve caught her again, with a neighbour or coworker this time. How much more will it hurt the second time around? Or the third? Is your relationship as it currently stands, worth the risk/possibility of that future pain? When you can honestly answer that question for yourself, you’ll have your answer.
Maybe you think you had a connection but she “connected” with some other guy the first second she got. Throw the trash out. Why did her last relationship ended up in divorce?
Some people are just broken buddy. In ways we may think are fixable or even “easily fixable” but their path is theirs to walk, and it might be a long one. For this girl, I can tell you it’s going to be a very long walk, likely one that would wear you down.
She’s done things in the past while drunk, knows this, drinks anyways, then tried to use that as an excuse to cheat? Nah man.
Grow some balls my friend otherwise people like her will always walk over you.
She’s not different man. You’ve been really good to her and she rewarded you but fucking some guy in a band. The biggest takeaway is her lack of accountability, the good old I was drunk that’s why I did it. When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.
The last thing you should’ve done for her was pick her up when she texted you for help because you never know and it could’ve been a genuine emergency. After that, you should’ve made her pack her shit and leave.
The fact that she even got a band members number when you were with her the whole time is so damn disrespectful it warrants a dumping alone. But then when you rightfully got mad, she didn’t even go after you, she went and got drunk/high and banged the dude, then had the nerve to call you. She belong to the streets.
As you should. Congrats on having strength and self respect where most others don’t
Ugh, I hate when people use “past trauma” to excuse bad behavior.
I know enough people with truly traumatic backgrounds that would never do these things.
Post update:
Hell yeah OP, did the right thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if this wasn’t the reason to the end of her marriage. You said due to “open relationship”, what if she was just flipping that story to make herself look better for you.
what she say when you broke up with her?
Damn dude, you grew more than just a back bone. Respect
Ah, I love the smell of napalm in the morning
>She is different, we have an amazing connection, we have fun no matter the environment, we set goals together and I do see a great future with her if this problem is resolved. Am I being naive by taking her back?
Man, all she is concerned about is herself, her fun. Don’t be desperate. When your partner ended up with another man just a few minutes after your argument then you should know better. She’s trash, you know it, don’t lie to yourself. First you were a victim of a POS, if you continue you only can blame yourself. She’s not worth it.
Dont take her back, if she cheated on you it means she doesn’t like you anymore nor excited by you or whatever you want… she should’ve learn a lesson in her past from her ex and alcohol right ? So why she couldn’t use her 3 brain cells left this time and avoid all that shit w you ?
Because she doesnt like you anymore, if she did, she wouldn’t think about take the phone number of this guy and consider that all the precious moments you spent together is so much more worth it than cheating …
You do know that alcohol doesn’t suddenly make you do things you’ve never ever thought of doing right?
Alcohol only removes inhibitions. If a person while drunk cheats, get into fights, talk shit about other people etc…That’s a direct reflection of what they’re thinking about doing/saying when they’re sober. If she cheated, it’s because she already wanted to do it in the first place, so nobdoy can ever blame alcohol. That’s some straight bullshit.
You sounded very reasonable in the original post. But your update is scary. You doing okay man?
Glad to see the update. Your only 5 months in and this is how she’s behaving. This if her at her absolute best. It would only get worse from here, especially since you said it appears she has a history of bad decision making, specifically when it comes to alcohol use.
That’s not just cheating, that was cold and complete disregard for your feelings. I’m sorry she’s got some trauma—and maybe she’s acting out due to that. She needs intense counseling, not a relationship so she puts someone else through their own trauma.
Don’t buy the BS she’s selling man, there’s plenty of fine women who would absolutely not pull this type of shit. She simply showed you her true colors and you should count yourself lucky it came out now rather than 10 years down the road.
Maybe your a guy who likes doing projects your girlfriend shouldn’t be one of them…move along.
Someone has probably mentioned it, but get tested for STDs.
Reconciliation after cheating all comes down to trust. Can you ever trust her again? If the answer is no, then it’s over already.
I see you already resolved it but for me, I gave my girlfriend a 2nd chance.
33 year old and acting like a 20 year old groupie yikes
Onwards king 👑
u said 5 months… she already cheated… no. absolutely not. i see u already posted ur update and u left her (GOOD!!) but even for the future, take people at face value. they do or say something u don’t like, believe them and move it on along. if people were gonna grow and change, they would’ve done it by now. especially if ur in ur early 30s, maybe younger like early to mid 20s yea u have growing to do, but at her grown ass age??? u did good by re-evaluating and leaving but u were also right to pack ur things IMMEDIATELY and leave when realizing what she was up to… PLUS she asked for “help” idk might sound mean but u shouldn’t have. bottom line is u made the right decision by breaking up w her…
If she was drinking to the point she doesn’t remember what happened, she was too drunk to consent. While taking off to hang out with someone else after a fight is shitty, the way this is written makes it sound more like she was raped and less like she cheated.
Speaking as a recently divorced person myself. Don’t go onto the next one yet, take some time for you, make yourself the next one I suppose.
All of this is BS. I’m sorry but she literally took the VERY first chance she got to cheat. You were gone 3 minutes and she was gone?? She literally couldn’t wait to jump on that dick. After 5 months you need to run as fast and as far as you can