My boyfriend has a lot of platonic long term female friends which I actually think is a green flag.
We have been dating for a little over one year and on a couple of occasions, I’ve felt really uncomfortable with how his female friends introduced themselves to me.
The first occurrence urance was at his friend’s birthday party. Before she said anything to me she ran up to him and started grabbing his nipples and then they hugged and he introduced us. She also got married and did not give him a +1.
The second occurrence was more recent and it was a friend of his we randomly ran into while grabbing dinner. They hugged and he introduced me and she said hi and shook my hand and then grabbed his face, and looking at him, said “I’m one of __’s most long term and very affectionate friends.” She is also married.
I just got weird “I’m going to make this girl feel uncomfortable” vibes. I can’t tell if I’m being overly dramatic to feel like these two people openly disrespected me. Is this behavior normal? Most of my ex’s girl friends didn’t have such strange vibes.
My boyfriend says I’m wrong for feeling this way and that we just have different world views.
TLDR: 2 of my boyfriends female friends have made me uncomfortable and I don’t know if I’m wrong to feel this way.
ETA: I am not uncomfortable in a “I feel threatened” manner. I am uncomfortable because I feel like people are disrespecting me and I don’t know how to go about having this not happen since it’s not technically in my boyfriends control.
2 comments
First gal could be totally normal depending on their relationship. Second girl… yeah that shit is weird.
My BF also has many more female friends than male – I agree with you that it is a green flag for a guy to have gal friends, as it is a sign that he views women as people and not sex objects. But there are bound to be friends of any gender that cross boundaries, and it sounds like the second girl is among them. I would voice your concerns to your BF. Hopefully he will be understanding.
“Normal” is a really difficult word, as it so much depends on the friendship. Some friendships have rituals that are very standard for them, but not average at all. I’d personally keep an eye on it, if this is a repeating situation or a one off – specifically with the second girl. It might be worth to also introspect on what you are okay with and what you are not and then discuss the list with your boyfriend, so he has a clear idea where to draw the line himself. Having said that, there is also a chance he will refuse to draw any line that wasn’t there before you came along, so be prepared for that response and how you want to engage with it.
You mention that he says you two just have different world views and if that’s the case/he doesn’t want to engage with your world view, you kind of need to decide for yourself, if this is something you want to live with or leave.