hi ! my boyfriend and i are both 19, and we’ve been together (on and off) for almost a year now. we’ve recently started talking about moving together and sharing an apartment, but i’ve started stressing about this a lot and having doubts because we still have issues within our relationship that haven’t been solved yet and he also is very bad with money !! i’m very good with my finances so this worries me a lot. he also struggles to keep a job and i’m scared that we will move in together and he suddenly won’t be able to help pay anything anymore or we will just continue to struggle with the same issues that we already have… i love him a lot, but i don’t think i’m ready to commit to this with him.
TLDR: me and my boyfriend are making plans to move in together, but i’m starting to have doubts because our relationship doesn’t seem strong enough. please help 🤍
40 comments
You’ve got a great head on your shoulders. You certainly shouldn’t move in with someone you have doubts about and who isn’t financially responsible.
You need to talk to him about it, tell him that you aren’t ready to move in and you won’t be until the issues are fixed.
FWIW the issues probably won’t be fixed and this is a sign that you might just be better off moving on.
Don’t move in with him, he’s not ready to be a partner yet. Plain and simple. You will end up taking over a lot of extra things if he simply has no plans of his own. If you’re ready to move in with someone, they need a stable source of income (job, trust fund, parents, whatever), and a willingness to talk division of chores and your budget and credit scores (if you’re in the US, those often get pulled by rental companies, including those off-campus student rental companies near colleges.)
If you move in together it will be a disaster. Trust your gut.
Don’t do it giiiiiiiiirl
Don’t move in with him. It’s fine to date for several years without moving in while you figure things out, especially when you’re younger. Just tell him you want to keep living on your own (or with friends) for a couple more years and don’t want to rush things.
Do you really want to live with someone who is bad with money, struggles to keep a job, and you guys still have issues that aren’t really resolving themselves at the moment? Do you want to share a room and a bed with this person, with no way to escape? Do you want the pressure of the two people’s finances and home to come entirely on your shoulders?
No. You do not.
You two are very young and at that age, many young adults have – for good reasons – no idea how to adult yet. And that’s fine and perfectly normal!
Your boyfriend seems to be such a case and that’s what makes it so important to live alone for some time. Someone who lives alone has to learn all the important things an adult needs to learn – from laundry to taking care of bills to cooking and cleaning to having a job to pay said bills. With no parent around to do that job, learning is basically mandatory.
It sounds like you have your stuff already figured out, which means that your boyfriend might be tempted to just let you handle everything – from chores to income – because he’s likely used to his parents doing that from home. So someone “already capable” of adulting in the same household might slow down him maturing and learning what he needs to learn eventually and you might find yourself pushed into a mother-role.
That doesn’t *have* to happen, but as someone twice your age, I can only recommend you don’t move in with him and let him live on his own first. Living on my own did so, so much for me as a young adult.
Don’t do it and don’t make any commitments about doing it. If you insisting on feeling comfortable and maintaining reasonable boundaries around your needs ends the relationship, then it really isn’t meant to be.
Echoing everyone who says don’t. do. it.
You don’t need to feel even a little bit guilty. Just don’t.
If you’re already seeing these red flags like him not being able to keep a job, that’s a clear sign to not move in with him.
You don’t want to move in with him because your brain shouts at you that you shouldn’t do it.
Reasons are :
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– You are both too young
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– Your relationship is too young
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– He is going to be a bum who is only in for your financial advantages
Don’t pack one single bag. What a Big Mistake!!!! Stay Put!!!!! He won’t change.
Don’t do it ! You are both very young and need to learn how to adult by yourselves before joining forces ! If you move in now I *garantee* that he will act like you are his mom. Put your foot down on this and tell him you want to live by yourself !
Just reading this, I’m going to tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.
If you aren’t ready to move in with him at this point, DON’T!! That’s it.
And good on your for knowing what you want! 🙂 You seem to be thinking of this logically and you’re right – until those issues are resolved, they’ll still be around.
If you two are meant to move in together, waiting awhile longer won’t be a deal-breaker.
Just be honest with him. I had a similar issue but we moved in together— it did not work out well.
If he’s a reasonable person he’ll be disappointed but hopefully understanding and it will improve your relationship as you become able to talk about the “tough things,” like how you’ll handle money.
If he get angry, pouty, etc. then well maybe you want to reconsider the relationship in general.
Wouldn’t do it. First off its a big step to move in together on your 19th. Me and my gf are also 19 but we wouldn’t do that because we’re still young and we don’t know what the future brings. Also I would just talk with him ahout his financial situation and that he needs to work on it if you really want this.
Remember you are only 19. Make the decision now before u have a kid and 5 years of your life gone. Whichever u decide it is stick with it. However if I could redo my life I would pick the option to be alone at your age. Choose wisely. I’m 30
Don’t worst mistake I ever made I was 19 too. Please Private message.
Hello when I was younger, I was the one bad with money, I had to learn the hard way so yeah, I probably wouldn’t do it because when someone thinks there’s an easier way to easier way of living for themselves and not care about you in long term of it financially then you have a gut feeling he’s going to do and you already know it’s going to happen, please don’t put yourself through that. I still feel bad for my One ex I live with…
Also to the ex I’m talking about if you see this, I’m still sorry for acting like a brat. (• ▽ •;)
Definitely a good idea to listen to this gut feeling. Moving in when your relationship is on the rocks AND you know the other person is bad with finances is one misstep away from “I want to break up with my BF but we live together and neither of us can afford to move out”
If you don’t want to do something, then don’t.
All you have to do is tell this to your boyfriend. I think you should break-up with him honestly as these are not minor issues.
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You are 19. I can tell you that you will be okay! Move in with your girlfriends and have a great time being in your 20s. When you are a ready to settle down, look for someone who brings to the table what you bring to the table. There are a lot of great men in the world and you really don’t need to settle for this behavior.
Everything will be okay!
You are only 19. You need to co centrate on yourself and your own goals of success. Also, never ever date someone who can’t manage their finances.
Girl don’t! Worst mistake of my young life. I was the same age as you and dated for just as long. It will hurt your relationship and self esteem. You are both simply too young and have too much to figure out. It will be uncomfortable at first to step back but it will be way better for you both in the long run to not move forward with this.
Also, moving forward don’t ever move in with a partner out of convenience. That’s what roommates are for. Don’t move in with a partner until you’re both certain you want to try living together with the intent of settling down permanently. Otherwise you just become the live-in girlfriend.
Even if the entire universe tells you to do something but you say “no”, it’s no.
Always trust your gut feeling and your ideals, 19 is way too young to move with someone and much less if your partner is not financially responsible. Do not move.
Smart move, best to break up and move on. Y’all are fresh out of high school, relationships should be dead last on both of y’all’s mind. Go pursue your passions.
You should move in together seems like your just afraid of commitment
Even without all the other issues, on again off again is not a good foundation to move in together.
Sounds like you already know it’s a bad idea. You’re also very, very young to be moving in with a romantic partner, especially after only a year of on-and-off dating. Do not tie yourself financially and spatially to someone you don’t trust implicitly.
As someone who did this, moved in with someone who wasn’t really able to keep a job let alone a decent job and was bad with money. Don’t. For one, I would recommend that you both live on your own separately for a while in order to gain some experience, especially if you are both moving out of your parents for the first time. Second, let him have the opportunity to live with roommates or something and figure his life out separate from you rather than committing yourselves to living with each other and that potential financial burden.
You’re 19. Why would you want to live with anyone? Especially if you know the relationship has some issues AND he’s bad with money. He’s just going to get worse because he’ll rely on how responsible you are.
“He struggles to keep a job and I’m worried he won’t be able to pay anymore”
You should be worried. Worst case scenario, he loses his job and decides he doesn’t want to get a new one because he’d rather have you work and pay for everything and use the “I lost my job” as an excuse to continie to have no job and manipulate you into continuing to support him.
Definitely don’t move in with this guy, and maybe rethink your relationship as a whole. Loving someone isn’t enough for a stable relationship.
Don’t Move In – A very bad move. The biggest red flags being bad with finances and not being able to keep a job. That’s a big deal. It will burn you
Easy, just don’t live together
⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT MOVE IN!!!!‼️‼️‼️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️
IF HE CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO KEEP A JOB, YOU ARE TASKED WITH THE BURDEN OF PLAYING MOMMY AND HOLDING A JOB!!
1. GET ON BIRTH CONTROL IMMEDIATELY. IN FACT GET ON DEPO-PROVERA, NOW‼️‼️⚠️
2. BREAK UP
YOUR GUY IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND ITS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO RAISE HIM. THATS HIS MOTHER’S JOB AND SO FAR SHE FAILED
IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS ON AND OFF. MAKE IT OFF PERMANENTLY ‼️‼️‼️ GUYS LIKE HIM WONT CHANGE. THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY SPERM DONORS BECAUSE THEY WONT EVEN BE RESPONSIBLE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT AND BE A ROLE MODEL.
Yes, its a bad idea. Dating on and off for a year is not a solid enough foundation to consider moving in together. His lack of financial responsibility is also an issue. Ill go out on a limb here and say this is also likely the kind of guy who wont really end up cleaning up after himself and will expect you to do most of the chores lol. Youre smart not jumping into this. If youre really set on him id give it at least another year with no breakups and minimal fighting and with him keeping a steady job and showing improved financial responsibility before reconsidering.
Don’t just run, run fast and far from that. This will be a disaster for you from what it sounds like.
Just think. If you move in with him, how long is your lease? If he flakes out, you’re stuck paying for everything or paying to break the lease. Who’s on the lease? You have to protect your rental credit (paying rent on time) etc. He’s not worth ruining your credit over. Do you make enough money to carry both of you? You need to think long term here.
Trust your gut!! DO NOT MOVE IN WITH SOMEONE UNTIL YOU ARE 100% SECURE THAT IT IS THE RIGHT CHOICE. Talk with him about finding stability as a person, including getting a job, working on being better with money, and once you feel comfortable and that he isn’t going to just leech off of you, that’s when you decide to move in. Again, trust! Your! Gut!
Money is one of the leading causes of divorce for a reason. Not to say that you are married, but I really believe if you guys are incompatible with money, it’ll be a rising theme in your relationship. I would sort that out first or just not live with him until he gets himself together financially. No moving in until that occurs. Be firm, mama. Best of luck to you.
Let me simplify your question: should you move in with a guy who you constantly break up with, is bad with money, and can’t keep a job??
Answer: Hell no.