I HATE STARTING CONVERSATIONS. Sooo much. I’m the most awkward person probably for a few miles and I stutter and jumble up my words or speak too softly or whatever when speaking first. Funnily enough, that issue doesn’t happen outside of that scenario. If people approach me first, I’m completely fine. It’s really odd.
There’s one issue with it though. No one approaches me to talk. I’m in college right now and all these people will talk amongst one another just fine, but I get left out more often than not. These people don’t even know me so there’s no previous bias against me.
I thought maybe it was maybe the way I smelled. Nope, I have perfect hygiene, no reason why that’d stop anyone.
The way I sound/talk? Not really.
Because I look at my phone a lot? Genuinely thought it was this but no, nothing happens regardless.
Because I look down too much? Probably not?
At this rate the only reason I can think of is my appearance, and even then the only 2 notable things are that I’m skinny as a noodle and have long hair. I’m thinking it’s the latter. It goes over my eyes and I’ve heard previously from friends that it’s a bit weird because they don’t know where to look at my face or whether or not I’m looking at them. Even then, I wouldn’t have thought a lack of eye contact would be so devastating.
I’m seriously lost on this one. What do I even do? Are there any sort of physical cues I can give to sort of open myself up without directly talking first? I would try anything at this rate to make some new friends here, even if it means practically faking how I act to get the ball rolling.
2 comments
Get a haircut?
Body language can be used to convey both that you’re closed off and that you’re open. Look up more. Angle your torso towards people rather than ahead/away. Meet their eye, smile a little. Get your hair our of your face. If you sit next to someone, turn more towards them.
But also get comfortable starting a conversation. It doesn’t have to be an epic opener and the conversation can be three sentences and done, you don’t have to force a lengthy chat. I tend to let conversations escalate over time when it’s natural and follow up on information I get. If someone mentions they’re going away one weekend it’s a great opportunity to ask how the trip was next week. Questions is your friend.
For class mates I say hey when I enter the room, and I say bye when I leave. I chat about the class, the teachers, the assignments, ask how they’re doing. I shamelessly add them on social media.
Practice saying things in the mirror if you have to. Plan a few stock sentences out and say them out loud, and that way what you say is predictable rather than a nervous scramble.