So there’s this girl, and it’s only been a few months since we met, and I can’t stop my finding myself being head over heels for her. I want to man up and say it to her, but I can’t afford to risk the friend group. We talk a lot, we vibe on so many levels, everything’s a match with her, but It’s just too risky pulling a move on her.
She doesn’t like it when I joke around with other girls at the same time she doesn’t show any feelings for me. Everything’s going well with us. Maybe should I just wait for this to die? :/
Girls of reddit, what do you think?
Guys of reddit, what’s your advice?
15 comments
just continue what you are doing and maybe try to be in one-on-one situation with her more often (if your group is driving somewhere, try to make her travel with you etc etc) to sense if she enjoys it.
in general be her friend and if you find it too hard then either leave the group or make a move and leave the group if it goes wrong
You should try to give very subtle hints, subtle enough that they can seem like perfectly normal behavior if she’s not into you and just considers you a good friend, or she can pick them up as hints if she’s into you. I’m thinking stuff like very light physical contact (nothing crazy, don’t touch her all the time ; if you guys are good friends, just bump her nose when goofing around or something like that), smile at her a lot,
Pay attention to her behavior : does she look at you first when you guys are laughing in a group setting ? does she compliment your clothes/hair ? does she notice when you make a change in your appearance ? do you sometimes catch her looking at you ?
Maybe try to get some alone time with her, if you guys are close enough for it not to be awkward to ask her. If she’s into you as well, she’ll definitely say yes.
If she hates when you fool around with other girls, it’s a very good sign, especially if she straight up told you. Be careful though, as some girls just enjoy attention from a guy friend they know is into them (happened to me not so long ago…)
Also, not showing feelings doesn’t mean anything at all. My ex thought I hated her before we dated lol. Some people just totally ignore the person they’re into. She might also think the same thing as you : « I can’t show any feelings, it will ruin the friendship ».
Stay careful, as this might just be a platonic friendship to her (be careful with girls overall, tbh). But I hope my tips will help you !
If you ask her out without any pressure in a calm and collected manner, there shouldn’t be any issues (“hey, wanna go on a date sometime?”)
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Make sure you back off in a chill manner if she says anything other than a yes(“haha, ok. pretend i never asked :)”, don’t avoid her afterwards, nor continue to pursue her any further.
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It might be awkward for a bit, but if you’re behaving like you normally do, it will fizzle out quickly.
Just tell her. Someone else in the group will date her before you and she will become you’re friend’s gf/ex and the whole “Bro code” nonsense will come into picture. Just. Tell. Her.
Never confess your feelings. Never. It rarely works out and often pushes a woman with some interest in you away. The tendency is for a guy to come on too strong and scare a woman off. If you come at her with stronger feelings than she has, she’ll likely be turned off.
Flirt. Play with her, tease her a little, and make eyes and smiles at her. If she reciprocates, escalate. Flirt harder. Take your time. Sounds like you’re going to be around her pretty often and for a while, you have some time. You don’t have forever because she might just consider you a flirt or otherwise lose interest, but don’t feel like you need to rush to a resolution.
If it escalates slowly, wait until maybe the 3rd or 4th time you see her to put going out one on one on the table. If it goes quickly, shoot your shot the first or second time. There’s a solid chance she could resist because of potential to jeopardize the friend group and that may just be a test. Blow it off with some humor – “it’s cool, I don’t really like any of these people much anyway” or “well then, I guess we’ll just have to make it work.” Option A is honestly the better one here, but it all depends on how hard she’s flirting at that point. If she’s flirting hard, option B is a fun little risk to take.
Outside of asking her out, there’s always the option to just try to hook up with her. Doesn’t mean sex, but it’s way easier to ask a girl out during a makeout session than it is when you’re just standing around talking.
Just ask her out on a proper date. Only a matter of time before someone else in the group does. Your friends will be your friends regardless of what happens or they weren’t really your friends to begin with.
Suggest an activity together, just you two. See how she reacts. If you want to call it a date you can but don’t get hung up on that.
More importantly, can you accept the fact the she might not be into you? Can you still be friends even if things don’t lead to dating or stuff?
I’m a guy and I asked my best friend out and she turned me down she didn’t want to risk destroying our friendship. I suggested us going on a date a 2nd time on another occasion, thinking I could change her mind, and she got pissed. She didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks. She message me after asking if I was ok and that she didn’t hate me. She wanted to give me some time to cool off and accept that she declined. We’re still best friends now. I mostly done this to get the idea out of my head, knowing it was a suicide mission.
Another time, another friend hinted she was interested in me so I asked her if she wanted to go on a date and she was all for it. She was my first gf and we dated for about 3 months. We broke up because it just felt like friends hanging out. There was a little awkwardness between us for a month or two after but we returned to being friends. I think the key to maintaining the friendship after was that we both still wanted to be friends and we just treated each other as friends like we were prior to dating.
Gushing feelings is always the wrong move. Always. Don’t confess feelings, it’s weird, offputting, she’ll feel pressured. It’s a turn off, 99% of the time. Then it’s awkward.
If you like her, ask her out on a date…dinner/drinks, just you and her. Just a “Hey, you up for dinner and drinks Saturday?” If she balks, or isn’t enthusiastic, or doesn’t seem like she’s down then you know it’s not reciprocated. If she says yes, and goes, and then you can ratchet up the flirting to see where the romance is. If it’s not really apparent, then you dial it back and let the night go and you’re right back to where you are without all the awkwardness.
Let’s recap: Don’t gush your feelings. You don’t have to make a move, just ask her to do something where romance can happen, and see where it lands.
Do you ever go for coffee or do things just the 2 of you? Why not suggest that to her, don’t say as friends or as a date and see how you get on together just the 2 of you in a casual setting.
Be honest with yourself, would you be genuinely fine with just being friends with her forever, seeing her date other guys, etc? If not, then you need to make your feelings known. Don’t live in denial or fantasy land.
I was in your position for three whole years because I didn’t want to ruin the friendship (I’m a girl) – finally I told him, he turned me down but was SO lovely about it. I only regret not telling him sooner because I could have spent my time being open to other men who might actually be interested in me instead of reading into things that weren’t there. If someone’s truly your friend, they’ll communicate openly with you and try and be considerate of your feelings. They won’t try and embarrass you. And imagine if she did return your feelings! Would that not be the best thing ever?!
With friends, honestly is ALWAYS the best policy. You only lose the shots you don’t take.
I was once in the opposite situation, I’m a girl who liked a guy friend. I gave subtle hints and observed his reaction. You can try this and if she likes you, you’ll be able to tell from her response. She’ll try to spend one-on-one time with you and will mirror your behaviour. Just remember to be objective, as much as you can! Good luck!
Just hit her up for a date dude. Don’t make it some big love confession. Simply suggest that you guys do something together like grab a drink or dinner or the park or something casual and fun like that. If there’s chemistry, then make a move. Tell her you see the potential of more than friendship. see how it goes.
TBH, everyone is in the friendzone until someone speaks up… if you’re interested, women especially like when the guy leads!! It’s “old fashion” but every girl wants a man who can speak his mind!
Depending on her character also clear up the air! tell her your concerns if it’s a no, and guess what, if it’s a yes, tell her your concerns still! Girls most of the time don’t “try” to play hard to get, a lot of them are just a little shy or more insecure when social media is telling them to BE and look a certain way. You can do it man.
Confessing feelings to someone you aren’t in a romantic relationship with can be very overwhelming and off-putting for the other person. However, it’s fine to ask her if she’d consider going on a date with you. If she says yes, great. If she says no, don’t ask again, give her some space at first, and continue treating her like you always do. And definitely move on and try to find someone else.
Just tell her outright, if you get rejected like I have it’s better than going around with butterflies in your stomach imagining a life together.